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Substance Abuse
Gave my son is documents/wants college but no way
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<blockquote data-quote="dayatatime" data-source="post: 710827" data-attributes="member: 17805"><p>I think I'm just bit wiser now than I was when I made the promise. And my boundaries get stronger. Today he asked to come over so I could help him look for loans, etc-- I said no. </p><p></p><p>Where I'd still like to improve: He found a credit card he is thinking of applying for to cover the balance-- he asked me what I thought of it-- when I told him that I didn't think it was good idea and that a credit card shouldn't involve a monthly fee (which this one does), and that it makes more sense to me to just wait until Fall when he can go to school for free.... He lashed into how I am so negative about anything he does, etc etc. </p><p></p><p>He has a way of asking a lot of questions, thinking he's setting me up-- or pathologizing my reactions his abusive behavior- he has cortisone in his blood stream so it's natural for him raise his voice and lash out at me, call me a b*tch. What's unnatural is that I can't stand the slightest bit of conflict and ask him to leave my house.... </p><p></p><p>I know that engaging in that isn't going to work-- he's totally hyped up and in the midst of going off when he tells me things like that.... </p><p></p><p>I don't want to just block his number, but I'm not sure what I want. Here, I just said, no, I do not want to get together. Sometimes he lashing into "why... why not...." demanding explanations. I just keep saying No.... but that doesn't really work for me because I keep being the recipient of his hostility. </p><p></p><p>Eventually he took my NO- and congratulated me for winning the mother of the year award- won't even help my own son..... </p><p></p><p>Maybe self-care is the antidote? I did go on to have a nice day. And I am going to have a nice day today, and I am so grateful that I don't have to see him. </p><p></p><p></p><p>SOMEWHERE- As far as his disability.... I have no idea. He is seeing this psychiatrist now, but he hasn't even had therapy for the last couple years. I think it's bull that he could be too disabled work but not doing what he needs to do to recover-- which, in my eyes, is therapy.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dayatatime, post: 710827, member: 17805"] I think I'm just bit wiser now than I was when I made the promise. And my boundaries get stronger. Today he asked to come over so I could help him look for loans, etc-- I said no. Where I'd still like to improve: He found a credit card he is thinking of applying for to cover the balance-- he asked me what I thought of it-- when I told him that I didn't think it was good idea and that a credit card shouldn't involve a monthly fee (which this one does), and that it makes more sense to me to just wait until Fall when he can go to school for free.... He lashed into how I am so negative about anything he does, etc etc. He has a way of asking a lot of questions, thinking he's setting me up-- or pathologizing my reactions his abusive behavior- he has cortisone in his blood stream so it's natural for him raise his voice and lash out at me, call me a b*tch. What's unnatural is that I can't stand the slightest bit of conflict and ask him to leave my house.... I know that engaging in that isn't going to work-- he's totally hyped up and in the midst of going off when he tells me things like that.... I don't want to just block his number, but I'm not sure what I want. Here, I just said, no, I do not want to get together. Sometimes he lashing into "why... why not...." demanding explanations. I just keep saying No.... but that doesn't really work for me because I keep being the recipient of his hostility. Eventually he took my NO- and congratulated me for winning the mother of the year award- won't even help my own son..... Maybe self-care is the antidote? I did go on to have a nice day. And I am going to have a nice day today, and I am so grateful that I don't have to see him. SOMEWHERE- As far as his disability.... I have no idea. He is seeing this psychiatrist now, but he hasn't even had therapy for the last couple years. I think it's bull that he could be too disabled work but not doing what he needs to do to recover-- which, in my eyes, is therapy. [/QUOTE]
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