Monday will be difficult child's first day of Middle School. We went through the schedule walking the halls from class to class and difficult child knows his locker combo by heart. He is ready! Except for one thing. I sent difficult child and diva to Fargo today to shop for tennis shoes and clothes for difficult child. He was a little nervous about the trip and I sent his alprazolam with "just in case". I really didn't think he would need it. He did not. He did fine up there and shopping. On the way home, he stated he started feeling weird and the anxiety thoughts started to creep in. He started crying saying that he can not go to school. He hates school because he feels bad there all the time. I told him that he had a great summer and he was stronger than he has been in the past. I reminded him of some large obsticles he overcame this Summer. I also told him that there was room to increase medications and I would be in immediate communications with psychiatrist to do so if needed. He stated that last year at the end of the year he felt horrid every single morning. To which I reminded him that he had a migrane that lead to a panic attack in March and because of flooding in Fargo, we were unable to get into a doctor to get back on medications as soon as we should have. I told him this year I can call psychiatrist and he can make changes over the phone so difficult child should not have to get so low again. difficult child hugged me and said, "Give me this speech again tomorrow". "But tomorrow is not Monday." "I know but I will not be as tired." Last night we had attended a neighbor's bon fire party. It was awesome - adults chatting around the fire - kids running through the neighborhood playing kick the can and flashlight tag. We got home and to bed way too late. difficult child did not get up until past 11:30 am! He is way too tired though he still got a good 11 hours of sleep last night. So, tommorrow will be spent reminding him of how much he has accomplished and how he can get through school. How he is setting himself up to feel bad and to not be looking for that. He has been told by therapist that when he looks for things like not feeling good, he will find it. He needs to look forward to being successful. I will remind him what his tools are. I think I may have to start the alprazolam on Monday just to get him to school for awhile. How can he be so confident and yet so anxious? It is so hard to watch him happily run through the school showing me where his classrooms are and acting so mature about being able to open the locker combination and showing no anxiety whatsoever and then BOOM - here it is. Even though I was expecting this. I was so hoping to avoid this. Sigh - I know, this will be with him for life. I know he is really trying his best to not let his anxiety get the best of him. I hate watching what this is doing to him.