General? Here? I don't know.

[Shari]

Do you ever just, in the middle of dealing with difficult child koi, just hang your head and cry at the unfairness of it all???
***
Does it ever seem that every blessed thing you do backfires? Or is just another obstacle? Or just another thing for them to fail at????
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Yes, I'm having a pity party. I'll get over it.
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Yes, I know "fair" isn't real or relevent.
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But G*d________, I hurt for him. He just wants to be like other kids, and he's not. And today I'm angry at the powers that be for it.

 

[gcvmom]

Yup.

Party on.

 

[DaisyFace]

Shari--

That's a big YES from me...

Sometimes I wonder what I did in a previous life that my family and I must pay for in this one. I hope it was worth it.

 

[AnnieO]

DF... Yeah I have wondered that too. Must have been a DOOZY.

Shari... When your child comes home and is being tormented that he smells bad... And it is true, because he has a very distinct body odor no matter how many showers he takes... It hurts. Everything that happens, hurts.

((((((((((HUGS.))))))))))

 

[Shari]

His little self esteem is shot. He feels he can't do anything right. They are doing jump rope for heart in gym class and he can't jump rope, so now he's even yanked out of gym (when he's at school, that is).

He wants to do mounted shooting with me. They have a class for kiddos. He's a really good rider, he never loses his seat. You could put him on a horse with no bridle, slap it on the butt, and he'd ride it wherever it went.

So we put him in lessons to learn to "drive" the horse better so he can do the patterns in mounted shooting. I'm thinking here's something he can do and be good at, and do with me, and have it to be proud of, etc, so we've encouraged it. I realized at his lesson last night that his motor planning problems are a HUGE obstacle, and even if he manages to overcome that, he'll have to navigate one of 100 or so patterns randomly drawn from a hat by himself. There's no way he'll remember it without someone walking with him, and I doubt they'll allow that for an 8 year old, unless I advertise his problems to them, and then they may still not because he looks so "normal".

He just wants so bad to be like the other kids. Every day he's not in school, he talks about Malory, and wanting to be there, and just not being able to get her out of his head. It just SUCKS. He can't play baseball. He can't do "normal" gymnastics. He can't take "normal" swim lessons. He can't go to summer camp. And now he probably can't do a fun little game on his horse.

Such a stupid thing, but its the whole straw on the camel's back thing...I'll get over it and we'll keep working on it.

 

[JJJ]

Shari - Have you looked at special olympics or paraolympics for him?

I know I resisted for a long time because Tigger and Eeyore do not have a cognitive issue and I didn't think we'd fit in there either. But we do. Once in a while we have a parent who makes a snide comment about my boys being too skilled but I just explain that we tried mainstream activities and they couldn't do it and I was tired of neurotypical kids making fun of them. Everyone at SO can sympathize with that.

 

[gcvmom]

Our local United Cerebral Palsy group offers a variety of classes for kids with special needs (all types of kids). Perhaps there is a chapter near you? Also, sometimes the YMCA has programs for differently-abled kids.

I think the riding classes are a great idea, even if he cannot progress to the shooting and pattern level. You're absolutely right that a kid, and especially a difficult child, needs SOMETHING they can enjoy doing and be proud of. Sometimes a competitive activity is too much, but just doing the activity for the sheer joy of it is enough.

 

[Shari]

I will check into those...thank you.

I'm currently working on getting our club, at least, to allow him to use a side walker for the mounted shooting events. They don't even have to lead the horse, just show him the pattern as he does it. Fingers crossed...he needs something to keep his little spirit going.

 

[Steely]

I still struggle with this.............and he is 19.

Dammit - they just want to be normal!!! I so understand, and empathize
Yet, society as it is structured perceives normal to only be within a certain sphere. It makes me sick. I truly think that if our kids were born 100 years ago, that they would not be difficult children. Your kiddo would be out riding horses and capturing prey, and mine would be the warrior protecting a village. It is only because our society has changed so rapidly, and our kids have not adapted, that they have become "difficult children".

I know your pain. Many hugs.

 

[tiredmommy]

{{{Hugs}}}

Have your pity party tonight, Shari, you deserve it. But you need to get back in the saddle again tomorrow. The fact is that this is Wee's life and childhood and he needs to make the most of it. Whether that's in school, organized activities or running around the house barefoot or climbing trees. Fair doesn't enter into the equation.

Duckie likes to complain about life not being fair: she's sickly, has rules, isn't wealthy, etc. You get the picture... So now I try to gently point out how the equation is in her favor: she might be sickly but she has access to medical care that lets her pursue all or most of her interests all or most of the time; that's not true for the majority of sickly people in the world. She may have rules to follow but she also is slowly (and boy, do I mean slowly) learning to be disciplined and regulate herself; too many kids today are left to whither on the vine with little direction or guidance. She may not be wealthy but her needs are met and she is learning to value hard work and stewardship.

I don't think that feeling bad for our kids too often is good for them or for us. It's too easy to get stuck in that rut and can stop us from being the best parent possible. I'm not posting this to minimize your feelings, they are valid and something we all feel. But if feeling badly for our kids would change things then we'd all have easy child's. I know that, with Duckie, it's been important to accept that she will most likely always be a difficult child and come up with strategies to help her not lose too much ground with her peers. It's our reality and it's easier to accept that and move forward rather than allow myself to spend too much time feeling badly.

 

[Shari]

Party's over.

We'll keep doing riding lessons and I'll push for local clubs, at least, to allow him to participate in the capacity he can. Maybe we can educate a few more people along the way.

It sucks, but you're right...its our reality.

Marching on...