General update

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by klmno, Jan 23, 2010.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Job: No luck yet. I sent out 6 more resumes in response to ads related to my field at the end of the week. Everyone wants experience even for jobs requiring no special skills so I figured this was still my best shot- and would pay a little better.

    Then, I contacted the vet's rep at the unemployment office. I get no unemployment so I'm sure I'm on the back burner- their first goal will be to get those taking money from the state off their back. Anyway, I spent all of Friday registering online and doing searches for stuff all over the state only to find nothing I qualify for. The big markets here are government (federal) jobs which I can't do because of the credit issue, IT stuff which I have NO knowledge about, and laborers that require strength I don't have. Anyway, I can go in and talk to this guy next week and he said he'd try to find something for me and said it was good that I'm willing to relocate anywhere in the state. Great- but he can't make someone hire me or create a job where it isn't there. Still, I will go and also call private employment agencies. I should have done that Friday but caught up on the state's website.

    I talked to my mother on the phone- she knows I'm looking for a job but doesn't know how desparate things are. She's one who would use it against me and bash me for it if she did. She wants difficult child and I to move there- with her. I told her I might need to come and stay a short period of time to look for a job but we wouldn't be living with her. She wants us to move in and this says that difficult child would love it. I have no idea why she thinks she can speak for difficult child or know what he wants. She and difficult child write each other about superficial stuff and haven't spoken in over a year. They haven't seen each other in about 18 months. But she always thinks she knows what others are "really like" and what they want, how they think, etc. I admit, I entertained the thought because it would save a ton of money and I know she's thinking about moving only because of her money situation, and she told me that she needed to start turning things over to me. Oh, and she told me the words you've got to cringe on - "I've changed now". Really? How'd that happen when she doesn't even see anything she's ever done wrong or gotten therapy, etc.?

    But then I remembered all the bad stuff she's done and how she gets all kinds of things in her head and so forth and so all know the story. I just don't think it could possibly work or be good for difficult child or me. If I thought I could go down there for a week and get a job over 30 miles away and difficult child live independently from her, and not have to see her every time we turned around, I'd probably do that. At least until the economy is better. But I don't think my chances are any better of getting a job there than they are here.

    My bro is still sending difficult child cards- at Halloween, Christmas, and difficult child's b-day. That's the only time he does anything and the cards always say the exact same thing. He misses difficult child and wants difficult child to contact him and gives a phone #, address, and email address. Love, uncle ABC. difficult child hasn't contacted him in over 2 years and told him he didn't want to live with him or go thru this the last time he did talk to him. It just seems to me that a "normal" uncle would either get the hint and go away or write an apology letter or something "real". To me, what my bro is doing is just antagonizing and I can't help but wonder if that's the point.
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2010
  2. ML

    ML Guest

    Do not give up, girl. I have a strong feeling that something good is just around the corner for you.

    Just keep detaching from mom and bro as best you can. Just let it go and focus on the positives of which there are many. You are bright, educated, skilled and healthy. Plus you have greatest friends ever. Something will shift in your favor soon. I just know it.


  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Not having a clue what you do, I really dont think there is much in the way of employment near your mom. Myrtle Beach has an unemployment rate of almost 11% right now and Wilmington is probably not much better. MB will pick up shortly with the hospitality work. I dont know what would be available in a small town.

    Of course there is always work in convenience stores and they pay about 8 to 9 bucks an hour. You can get a small mobile home and make it on that. People do down here. You can get medicaid for difficult child at that income. Sometimes you just have to completely start over.
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I tend to agree with Janet. Nobody wants to downsize their lifestyle or appear to be lowering their standards but if it is necessary to do so, it can be done. Unemployment is almost 12% around here but there are openings at restaurants, convenience stores etc. A steady income and
    stable clean housing is all that "the system" can require of a parent or parents. It might be a big relief to just get settled somewhere before the anxiety mounts about difficult child's return home. Your brother could not possibly
    gain custody of difficult child if you are stable even if you have to collect food stamps and other services to supplement your income. Reconnecting with your family sounds like it would be lethal for you and confusing for difficult child.

    In an earlier post you expressed concern about working evenings or weekends once difficult child is home. Truthfully a teen who is going to break the rules will do so at any hour, in my humble opinion, so don't limit your employment chances by assuming you must be supervising him 24/7. So long as he is in a safe environment he will fine if he wants to be fine. I'm rootin' for you. DDD
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree with DDD that you shouldnt assume that you cant work evenings or weekends because they cant tell you that you have to be eyes on supervising a 15 year old 24/7. He is old enough to stay alone for periods of time.
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    DDD, I just don't know what I can say that I haven''t already said before. I'm sorry you seem to think I refuse to take certain positions because I think they are beneath me or that I would have to downsize or change my lifestyle. I honestly don't think there is anything I can say or do at this point to change your view of me and I am really tired of trying, therefore I will not anymore.

    Now, anyone else who doesn't get this- cps can only remove a child if there is neglect, abuse, etc in the home. When it's a difficult child in the court system (been turned over to the state Department of Juvenile Justice, on probation, parole, has a GAL) in this state, there is a lot more to it and I am positive of that but will not throw potential ammunition out on a public site.

    It is useful info, like what I was asking for, to know that unemployment is worse in NC- therefore the OONLY way it seems beneficial to move there would be if I was willing for difficult child and me to live with my mother. At least I can make a better informed decision.
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2010
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Truly.......and I do mean truly......I have never suggested anything that I thought would be painful for you. You are part of the CD family and even if my position is not parroting your position, my intentions are not to demean you in any way. I am afraid that your current goals are not attainable in a short span of time. Therefore I have suggested that you retain your goals but look at doable short term options so the clock doesn't tick down on you and leave you vulnerable. It has never been my goal to make you feel badly. I don't know your field of expertise, I don't know where you live, I don't know what your socio-economic status is and most importantly I don't "know" you or your difficult child. All I know is that there is a family member who has major concerns about "the system" taking charge of her difficult child and even more major concerns that her brother or Mom might have access to her child in the future. It is my understanding that you have only ten weeks until difficult child is eligible to come home, that you are dreading meeting with the system people who don't endorse your standards for your son, that you are likely to loose your home in the very near future etc. My posts are exactly what I would suggest to one of my siblings or friends in that situation. I've never said give up your dreams or your goals and stop pursuing them. My post suggests that temporarily you might find it beneficial to take temporary steps that might help you face the looming issues. If you prefer I not respond to your posts I will not do so but please be assured that my intentions have been sincere. I do remember you in my thoughts and prayers and hope for happiness in your future. DDD
  8. ML

    ML Guest

    I just have to say that sometimes online forums are so inadequate in terms of expressing our sincerest of intentions. A short story: A couple years ago I found the greatest online support for one of my issues (husband's alcoholism at the time he was drinking) and was so happy to find a new home where I was making friends. Well one of the gals was being hard on herself in a post and I responded to it. Said all the things I would have wanted to hear in a similar situation and added one line that was misunderstood. I said "and it upsets me to see you being so hard on my good friend". I was talking about her being hard on herself of course. Well she got all upset and wrote back "who have I been mean to, what are you talking about, etc. She was even threatening to leave the board because it upset her so much. Well she got the moderator to see it her way and I was scolded and a few others tried to explain what my intentions were but it was too late, the damage was done. I wound up leaving because I was the new kid on the block. It really hurt *me* that I wasn't given the benefit of the doubt. Anyone that knew me would have understood what I meant. But my mistake was realizing they really didn't know me and that I needed to be clearer with my intentions. Lesson learned. The only reason I bring it up is that I see two things clearly here. One, DDD has the purest and most loving of intentions and two, KLMNO is in a lot of pain and perhaps needed a bit more clarity of intention.

    Forgive me if I overstepped. I just value you both of you and want don't want to see misunderstandings break up family.