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General Vacation Weirdness!
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<blockquote data-quote="Running_for_the_shelter" data-source="post: 65204" data-attributes="member: 2960"><p>Well, I don't really "know" you yet, so I don't know how you might take what I'd say. So, here's hoping I don't offend you.</p><p></p><p>You're right; it isn't about the boats; it's about the control. Your cub wants it and it's not really his. He's 12. He doesn't have a right of refusal on a great many topics, so don't let him think he does. </p><p></p><p>You don't have to keep jumping through hoops trying to find something that will please him. What pleases him is watching you jump through those hoops. You don't have to give him that. You shouldn't!</p><p></p><p>Since no destination is going to please him, he doesn't get to vote. You pick and tell him he can choose to be happy or bored; it's his choice and not your problem. </p><p></p><p>My easy child is the one that nothing pleases and that's what I do. I pretty much say, "You don't like either choice? Well, this is what we are doing. You can enjoy it or not. Choose your own degree of misery; the rest of us are going to enjoy ourselves." She will drag and crab a bit at first, but generally chooses to get with the program after awhile. If not, well, I've already made up my mind that a crabby cub is a risk I have to accept. Some trips, we have mosquitos; some trips, we have noisy neighbors; some trips, we have crabby cubs. It is what it is. I don't argue; I don't cajole; I don't nag. When the cubs start to enjoy themselves, I don't comment on it.</p><p></p><p>Some of it is your cub's age, though. Many are pretty self-centered and rude at that age, but you don't have to be miserable just because they are. Our minister gave a sermon in which he said that God created teenagers so you're not sorry when they leave. It's true enough for 12 also.</p><p></p><p>And some is perspective. The more cubs have, the more they want, in many cases. I had a pal in college whose mother sent care packages every week. One day, he complained about the candy she put in the box because she was supposed to know he didn't like that kind. I stared at him and finally said quietly, I've never had a care package. I'd be grateful for anything I got. And years later, he told me that that comment had really stuck with him, because he hadn't really appreciated how much he had compared to others. I haven't a doubt my pal's parents told him that repeatedly but it didn't register until his peer said it. So, it may take a while for your cub to truly comprehend his good fortune, but of course that doesn't help you now.</p><p></p><p>So for now -- do what you like and let him choose his degree of happiness or misery. It's your life; don't be a hostage in your own home. Good luck and much love!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Running_for_the_shelter, post: 65204, member: 2960"] Well, I don't really "know" you yet, so I don't know how you might take what I'd say. So, here's hoping I don't offend you. You're right; it isn't about the boats; it's about the control. Your cub wants it and it's not really his. He's 12. He doesn't have a right of refusal on a great many topics, so don't let him think he does. You don't have to keep jumping through hoops trying to find something that will please him. What pleases him is watching you jump through those hoops. You don't have to give him that. You shouldn't! Since no destination is going to please him, he doesn't get to vote. You pick and tell him he can choose to be happy or bored; it's his choice and not your problem. My easy child is the one that nothing pleases and that's what I do. I pretty much say, "You don't like either choice? Well, this is what we are doing. You can enjoy it or not. Choose your own degree of misery; the rest of us are going to enjoy ourselves." She will drag and crab a bit at first, but generally chooses to get with the program after awhile. If not, well, I've already made up my mind that a crabby cub is a risk I have to accept. Some trips, we have mosquitos; some trips, we have noisy neighbors; some trips, we have crabby cubs. It is what it is. I don't argue; I don't cajole; I don't nag. When the cubs start to enjoy themselves, I don't comment on it. Some of it is your cub's age, though. Many are pretty self-centered and rude at that age, but you don't have to be miserable just because they are. Our minister gave a sermon in which he said that God created teenagers so you're not sorry when they leave. It's true enough for 12 also. And some is perspective. The more cubs have, the more they want, in many cases. I had a pal in college whose mother sent care packages every week. One day, he complained about the candy she put in the box because she was supposed to know he didn't like that kind. I stared at him and finally said quietly, I've never had a care package. I'd be grateful for anything I got. And years later, he told me that that comment had really stuck with him, because he hadn't really appreciated how much he had compared to others. I haven't a doubt my pal's parents told him that repeatedly but it didn't register until his peer said it. So, it may take a while for your cub to truly comprehend his good fortune, but of course that doesn't help you now. So for now -- do what you like and let him choose his degree of happiness or misery. It's your life; don't be a hostage in your own home. Good luck and much love! [/QUOTE]
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