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<blockquote data-quote="4PawsSake" data-source="post: 627210" data-attributes="member: 17993"><p>Well, after reading a few pages in Codependent No more, I'm convinced I AM CODEPENDENT BIG TIME!! And have been my entire life. </p><p>I'd like to share just to get it off my chest..some of it is heavy, some of it, I've never shared before. </p><p>I was adopted to a mom (her marriage ended not long after she adopted me, so I consider myself of a single parent home) that was extremely abusive but not toward ME. My three foster sisters and mostly my adopted brother got the brunt of her anger...to her, I was the golden child. My siblings HATED me for it. I felt guilty and tried for years to make up for something I had no control over. Sometimes being favoured as bad as being beat. </p><p></p><p>There was also sexual abuse by my adopted grandfather and uncle with my three foster sisters but I myself or my brother weren't abused in that way. Another guilt in a weird sort of way. Everytime my sister and I get together, she brings it up and it makes me feel like she resents me for not having been abused. </p><p></p><p>My mom dated for 30 years and later married an alcoholic. He'd get drunk and they'd fight. They'd "break up" and make up almost every weekend. I HATED him (It's a strong word I know but I HATED him and I ask no forgiveness for that feeling), he would tell me that mom only adopted me because he felt sorry for me. He'd do things that were inappropriate in a sexual sense although I dont' think I was sexually abused. While he and she were parted for a bit, I'd work so hard to make my mom happy. </p><p></p><p>My first boyfriend was deaf alcoholic with a major chip on his shoulder, especially toward women (his mom was an alcoholic and her negligence caused his hearing loss). I was always trying to make his life easier until he beat me once and I ended it. Funny thing..my mom tried to talk me into going back to him...I was 18. </p><p></p><p>I married a sexual addict who constantly was into pornography and spoke of gay sexual experiences he either came close to having or desired. I wasn't aware of this until after we had our first child. I actually hadn't planned on having children until I had established my own career, I let him talk me into it. The second child was to please him also. Our marriage lasted 8 LONG years, I was so close to a break down, I didnt' have a choice. But I carried so much guilt for "tking their dad away". </p><p></p><p>The next couple of years were filled with me doing all I could to get him to spend time with his kids and finally, I had to stop. I was putting in all the effort. He has chosen to not see them or speak with them for the past 14 years. I feel that guilt too. </p><p></p><p> Then I met a man I lived with for 8 years, he was depressed and I became like the mom he never had, I dragged him to counsellors, hospitals, his dad's. He couldn't hold down a job longer than 3 weeks at a time and played video games all day. He took over our home. My kids stqyed in their rooms and me in mine. It got so bad at one point, I had his things packed in the trunk just before a scheduled visit to a counsellor which was 2 hours away, it was also close to his dad's place. I had planned to leave him there when he asked me for the keys. He knew all along. I was crushed.. I had asked him to leave MY house for years...he just wouldn't and didn't have anywhere to go according to him. I felt guilt and allowed it to continue. Finally, it came to a head when I saw tht he was beginning to clash with my son...I packed him up and rented him a place with tgeh promise (lie) that we'd continue to be "together". I saw him for about a month after and finally stopped visiting. I was FREE!!!!</p><p></p><p>While I spent so much time in my room, I had been doing a lot of self assessment. I did a lot of work on myself. I guess, that's what gave me the strength to give him the boot! </p><p></p><p>Now I'm engaged to a wonderful man who's NORMAL!!!! He adores me and I think he hung the moon! He really likes my kids, he's a hard worker, he's well liked by everybody tht knows him. Just a down home country boy who's sharp as a tack. And he's' so open to talk about feelings, his wit is right in par with mine. On every level we mesh. BUT...I feel guilty. </p><p></p><p>I've been guilt ridden all my life!! For things I mostly had no control over. </p><p></p><p>I'm still codependent. Now it's my boy. The only thing tht might save me is I'm now AWARE! I'm taking steps to help MYSELF. </p><p></p><p>So, here I am...feeling positive once again. </p><p></p><p>I hope I didn't bore anyone to tears with my story. There's so much more, I really should write a book..maybe I just have. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p> </p><p>Thank you ladies for your support. </p><p></p><p></p><p>Wendy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="4PawsSake, post: 627210, member: 17993"] Well, after reading a few pages in Codependent No more, I'm convinced I AM CODEPENDENT BIG TIME!! And have been my entire life. I'd like to share just to get it off my chest..some of it is heavy, some of it, I've never shared before. I was adopted to a mom (her marriage ended not long after she adopted me, so I consider myself of a single parent home) that was extremely abusive but not toward ME. My three foster sisters and mostly my adopted brother got the brunt of her anger...to her, I was the golden child. My siblings HATED me for it. I felt guilty and tried for years to make up for something I had no control over. Sometimes being favoured as bad as being beat. There was also sexual abuse by my adopted grandfather and uncle with my three foster sisters but I myself or my brother weren't abused in that way. Another guilt in a weird sort of way. Everytime my sister and I get together, she brings it up and it makes me feel like she resents me for not having been abused. My mom dated for 30 years and later married an alcoholic. He'd get drunk and they'd fight. They'd "break up" and make up almost every weekend. I HATED him (It's a strong word I know but I HATED him and I ask no forgiveness for that feeling), he would tell me that mom only adopted me because he felt sorry for me. He'd do things that were inappropriate in a sexual sense although I dont' think I was sexually abused. While he and she were parted for a bit, I'd work so hard to make my mom happy. My first boyfriend was deaf alcoholic with a major chip on his shoulder, especially toward women (his mom was an alcoholic and her negligence caused his hearing loss). I was always trying to make his life easier until he beat me once and I ended it. Funny thing..my mom tried to talk me into going back to him...I was 18. I married a sexual addict who constantly was into pornography and spoke of gay sexual experiences he either came close to having or desired. I wasn't aware of this until after we had our first child. I actually hadn't planned on having children until I had established my own career, I let him talk me into it. The second child was to please him also. Our marriage lasted 8 LONG years, I was so close to a break down, I didnt' have a choice. But I carried so much guilt for "tking their dad away". The next couple of years were filled with me doing all I could to get him to spend time with his kids and finally, I had to stop. I was putting in all the effort. He has chosen to not see them or speak with them for the past 14 years. I feel that guilt too. Then I met a man I lived with for 8 years, he was depressed and I became like the mom he never had, I dragged him to counsellors, hospitals, his dad's. He couldn't hold down a job longer than 3 weeks at a time and played video games all day. He took over our home. My kids stqyed in their rooms and me in mine. It got so bad at one point, I had his things packed in the trunk just before a scheduled visit to a counsellor which was 2 hours away, it was also close to his dad's place. I had planned to leave him there when he asked me for the keys. He knew all along. I was crushed.. I had asked him to leave MY house for years...he just wouldn't and didn't have anywhere to go according to him. I felt guilt and allowed it to continue. Finally, it came to a head when I saw tht he was beginning to clash with my son...I packed him up and rented him a place with tgeh promise (lie) that we'd continue to be "together". I saw him for about a month after and finally stopped visiting. I was FREE!!!! While I spent so much time in my room, I had been doing a lot of self assessment. I did a lot of work on myself. I guess, that's what gave me the strength to give him the boot! Now I'm engaged to a wonderful man who's NORMAL!!!! He adores me and I think he hung the moon! He really likes my kids, he's a hard worker, he's well liked by everybody tht knows him. Just a down home country boy who's sharp as a tack. And he's' so open to talk about feelings, his wit is right in par with mine. On every level we mesh. BUT...I feel guilty. I've been guilt ridden all my life!! For things I mostly had no control over. I'm still codependent. Now it's my boy. The only thing tht might save me is I'm now AWARE! I'm taking steps to help MYSELF. So, here I am...feeling positive once again. I hope I didn't bore anyone to tears with my story. There's so much more, I really should write a book..maybe I just have. :) Thank you ladies for your support. Wendy [/QUOTE]
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