Getting frustrated more everyday

[Ugh01]

Hello,

After searching for some type of article or information on how to deal with my 11 yr old who has conduct disorder and adhd I found this page. I have always known my child was a blessing but with some issues. Yes he was more active and yes we had to repeat ourselves more often than other parents and yes school was always a bit more of a challenge but I still never felt this tired. In the past year and half our child was diagnosed with conduct disorder and it has been a trying time. Last night, we had another blow up with our child telling us how much they hate us and how terrible we are and how they wished they had other parents who treated them better, now mind you this child was screaming this as they were sitting in a game room set aside so they can play their new xbox while wearing their favorite brand clothes with their dinner served and after they just finished playing an alotted time of xbox, all this came about when they were instructed they need to complete their homework of writing one paragraph which could consist of 6 sentences. They screamed and screamed how much they hated us and wished we were dead and how terrible we were and how we just give up on them all the time but yet never understanding how much they are given and how much is spent with them just alone despite the two other children we have. We have them in counseling, medication and just starting MST and respite care for a couple hours a week. It still doesn't get better. Oh did I mention my husband is getting ready to deploy for a year, oh joy right! Does anyone have any suggestions on how to make the days better for all of us? How to handle the issue with the hateful words our childs says? How not to get so angry as well when our child wont stop with the hateful words? I am tired and want a better home for all of us.

 

[JJJ]

(((hugs))) and welcome

Just so we can get a better feel for your journey so far....who diagnosed your child? is he on medications? has he had neuropsychologist testing? how does he in school academically? behaviorally?

 

[buddy]

HI and welcome! Your post talks about your 11 yr old but you say THEY were saying these things... can you explain? Just wondering if you have several kids and they are all ganging up on you? your eleven yr old difficult child then, iwth hte ADHD probably taking it even further??


so why the diagnosis of conduct disorder? Since you have MST then I am assuming the courts are involved or at least a serious legal issue happened?

Not judging at all, believe me! Just wondering so we can get a picture of what is going on. How often do the therapists come, are they very into the reward/consequence stuff? Has that ever worked for difficult child-11 yr old?

Of course it occurred to me that there should be no electronics etc. until they have finished all homework each day. maybe even no electronics except on weekends with maybe the hours earned thru respectful behaviors. All that only assuming that these are behaviors they can pick and choose.

A red flag of interest is knowing your hubby is deploying... has this all increased since they found out?

The book many of us here like is called "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene... you can find and buy it anywhere, and I just got another copy on amazon.com really cheap...under $3 for a good used one.

It helps to look at behavior in a different way. If you google his name you will likely also go to his website where there are many helpful ideas and it is very different than the traditional reward/consequences kind of idea.

there are many other helpful books out there and I am sure others will chiime in.

My son said "bye b****" on the way to the bus this morning and really? YES it makes me tired and weary. But I have to look at the reasons this is happening and pick and choose the battles. I make lots of mistakes along the way. But there have been huge rewards by reaching out and asking for help like you are doing, and being willing to try new things.

Glad you found us.... hold on for the ride, there will be more friends/fellow warriors to come!

 

[Ugh01]

He was diagnosed by a his psychologist and is currently on Focalin and Xyprexa. Unsure of the neuropsychologist. Academically he barely meets minimum requirements but has an IEP and is in an inclusion class. Behaviorally consist of oppositional, screaming yellling some kicking furniture.

 

[JJJ]

I would definitely look into "The Explosive Child" and its partner book "Lost At School". As Buddy said, they are basically our lifeline around here.

Focalin can sometimes make aggression and oppositional behavior worse. Have you noticed an increase since he started the medications?

Garden of Eden works for some kids but backfires for others. You may see mention of this but I would hold off until you have a better handle on the WHY he is acting out. Having a diagnosis of "Conduct Disorder" just affirms that you have a very difficult child, but it doesn't tell you WHY your child is struggling and until the professionals figure out the WHY, it will be difficult to help him.

Has your husband deployed before?

 

[Ugh01]

I apologize, it is he not they although he makes me frustrated like there is a they! He was first diagnosed with oppositional defiant but due his age it is more a conduct disorder. We have just started MST just for additional assistance. We have not had any run in with the courts or any legal issues. As for the homework issue due to the difficulty we have at times xbox time is a reward to getting it done. I have gotten better with stating the rules before hand and now have them posted for him to clearly read so we don't have a misunderstanding. It is a struggle thru the days with homework he feels he has done enough at school so he shouldn't have to do any while at home. Yes, red flag with dad leaving but I am not sure if this is due to that or just another day in the cycle. Thank you though for the support and I will surely look for that book. Thank you again for the words of encouragement.

 

[Ugh01]

Yes he has and I agree they do need to figure out why. Thanks.