Getting over my resentment (vent)

[GinAndTonic]

I'm resentful. I want my son to be able to do normal kid things, and I want to be able to do normal mom things.

I want to go to the playground without worrying that my son is going to push someone. I want to go to the grocery store and not worry that he's going to run away with the shopping cart and bash into someone. I want to be able to use the babysitting at my gym. I want to go out to eat with my family, even if it's just at a Denny's.

I want my son to be able to go to day care, and soccer classes, and music classes, and tae kwon do -- all things that he loved but that he's had to leave, because of his behavior.

I don't even do the normal abnormal-mom stuff. Like, I joined a support group for mothers of kids with special needs. But the childcare couldn't handle my son, so I don't get to go any more.

The stress is really getting to me. Right now my son is at preschool and my daughter is taking a nap. This is my ME time, when I either work (which I love) or just mess around on my computer. But I can't relax, and can't concentrate.

I don't want any more dirty looks from the bus driver, or snide comments from the school administrators, or comments -- even well-meant ones -- from strangers.

I'm tired feeling like I'm walking on eggshells. It's so stressful, all the time!

What should I do?

 

[momof3boys]

I haven't posted on here in awhile, but I do read the posts every once in awhile. I read your post, and it just broke my heart. I think that those of us with difficult child's have all felt that way. It's really really hard. It's not fair, and we often can't see a light at the end of the tunnel. My guy (6 years old) has ADHD, and also has some autistic spectrum characteristics to his behavior. He's doing really well on adderall, which is why I haven't posted in a while, because things have actually been pretty good for us for the past year. But, I remember feeling the way that you are feeling today, and it is just so hard. And you feel like nobody understands you or your child. The dirty looks makes me fume. If parents of easy child's only knew how much we do for our difficult child's and how much energy and time we put into parenting them, they would be so embarrassed of themselves for judging us. I can't stand the judgmental parents. It's hard, but you just really have to develop a thick skin. Hang in there. And know that there ARE some people who understand. You may never meet us in person. But we do understand; we've been there. ((((hugs)))).

 

[GinAndTonic]

Thank you. Really.

 

[Lulu]

I understand where you are coming from. I wish there was some kind of magic wand that would create at least a couple of worry-free days for you. Or even hours? I'm sending hugs too.

 

[Dara]

I am sending hugs to you as well! I totally understand what you are saying. In fact, I feel the same way. There are days when I say, I just want to play with you! It is frustrating! But know that pretty much everyone on this site understands and is here to support!
Lots of hugs for you!

 

[GinAndTonic]

Thanks. It really is helpful to hear from other parents in the same boat as me. I have friends who have young kids, but they just don't get how stressful it is having a kid like mine.

I've realized that a big source of stress for me is not having a babysitter -- we had a great one, but she's moving in a few weeks and can only do about three hours a week now. I'm going to concentrate on trying to find a new one. I used to have one afternoon a week totally to myself, and I miss it.

 

[momof3boys]

Unfortunately, your friends will never understand. (Unless they give birth to a difficult child down the road). I sometimes find myself turning into parent that they expect me to be when we are around them (much less "explosive child" child type parenting, and much more nanny 911 type parenting), and it just makes matters worse. I find that I just need to keep telling myself that my child is the most important thing here, and my 'friends' ideas of how I should be parenting my child is not at all important. I can handle the dirty looks if I keep my eye on the goal, raising a happy well-adjusted person. Hugs again. And good luck with everything.

 

[GinAndTonic]

Oooh, I know just what you mean about changing parenting styles -- I do the same thing, sometimes, and then hate myself for it. I shouldn't be trying to impress anyone, just doing the best I can for my kids.

 

[Shari]

GAT, I, too, have a little boy about your son's age with "issues". I identify with your pain.

Before I forget, I want to mention that our local high school guidance counselor gave us a couple of babysitters in the past couple of years that worked out great. Perhaps you can give your school a call for help in that area. With these kiddos, respite is a MUST.

Other than that, check out this website. Someone posted this shortly after I figured out my little one was going to be a difficult child, too, and I was feeling much like you are. I keep a copy on my wall.

http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html

 

[kcford]

I have two things to say: First, I'm sorry you feel this way. Second, THANK YOU for saying it. Most people just wouldn't understand how we could possibly feel resentful. I feel your pain!

 

[GinAndTonic]

Thanks, Shari and kcford.

(I once read a really funny satire of that Welcome to Holland piece, but I can't find it right now.)