Getting ridiculous!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Big Bad Kitty, Jun 3, 2008.

  1. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Just another vent.

    So 2 days ago, when I had told Tink that we could not swim, by afternoon it became overcast but still warm. So when her friend asked if she could join her at the pool, I let her. I slathered her with sunblock (SPF50, UVA and UVB protectant) and she was only there a couple hours. She was not red when she came home but she was exhausted. So I told her that the next day (which was yesterday) she would definitely need a complete break from the sun.

    I knew I'd be in for it, so I tried to have things to keep her busy all day. Hot as it was, I turned on the oven and we baked a cake from scratch. As SOON as we finished she started to complain that she was bored again. She yelled at me when I tried to lay down and rest. It's like come on.

    Late afternoon we went to the store. I needed a new swimsuit so that when we do go swimming, I won't be popping out of the one I have. Then we went to 3 stores till we found a flowerbed, potting soil, and some impatiens. I told her that tomorrow (today) we'd plant in the morning, and if the weather cooperates, we'll swim.

    She was up at SEVEN AM ready to plant. If she'd slow down, it might last longer than 1/2 hour. By 7:30 she was bored again. We played her StarWars CD Rom for hours. We put makeup on eachother. I helped her "make clothes" for her stuffed animals. We played school. I tried calling her dad, but he's too busy catering to Princess Sparkle Fanny to spend any time with her.

    The SECOND I am not doing something with her, she throws a fit. "I'm bored, there's nothing to do, I wish we could go to Chuck E Cheese, I want to go to the store and buy posterboard, can we have McDonalds, when is C (her friend) coming home so we can play (C is avoiding her, I think, because Tink got bossy the other day).

    I can't keep up with this child's demands. Even if she is to play on the computer, she wants me there watching her. I've tried schedules. She refuses to follow. I've tried a timer (so many minutes for you and me to play, so many minutes for mom to have alone time) but my alone time is riddled with "MOOOOM your turn is taking SO LONG!" Like I want to listen to that.

    I want to velcro her to the wall and switch her off. Just for a little while.

    I overdid it yesterday by going to so many stores, and I am simply exhausted today. My head is throbbing. She does not understand how tired I get and that I need to rest. I don't think she is capable of getting it, now anyways.

    I want my mommy.
  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Is there any chance that she can enroll in a summer program of any kind? I remember when I was a kid there were vacation bible camps - not the church we belonged to, but it kept me involved in something away from home - that were an hour or so long, the teaching college had classes for the student teachers to work with kids, things like that.

    They didn't go on all summer, but it was a break for both me and my mom.
  3. Star*

    Star* call 911


    Hugs -hon Dude was like that. To this day we tell him that NO ONE gets or ever got entertained as much as he did and does. He's unable to explain it to me or anyone else. He just says he's like the energizer bunny and it's like he's compelled to keep going or fears he'll die from boredom.

    When my health got bad, I snapped at him and told him that if he had not made me so stressed out with all his behavior bs I probably would be able to go and do but as it was I was sick. He didn't care, never forget it. The doctor told me to bring him with me to my appointment. He looked Dude right in the eyes and told him that his behavior was adding to my stress and causing me to be sick. Then he told him that I needed him to give me a break because I may have a brain tumor and Dude never missed a beat. Left the doctor's office, got in the car and he said "So can we go to Kmart and look at bikes? How bout that bike store on the way home. yadda yadda yadda yic yik yic all the way home."

    So Mr. Glitter Lips went back to Ms. Sparklefanny after he gets you to give him a ride huh? What the heck is wrong with them? DO NOT answer. I keep thinking about the movie with George Clooney and John Goodman in the south (he plays one of the soggy bottom boys) and Delbert thinks Pete gets turned into a toad by the river sirens. And they're in the theater and Delbert tells Pete "WE thought you wuz a toad." Yeah - I'd just repeat that to Mr. Glitter lips. We wuz......a toad. They make me nuts and I'm not even related. To his 1/2 credit he does have pretty children.

    I don't know about Tink - but I know with Dude the more I tried to entertain him the more he "needed" me to entertain him and invent things. One thing that did keep him out of my hair (as a single child) was a box. I got the largest one that would fit into my living room. I left crayons and markers out for him, stickers and told him that it would be nice to have a club house or a puppet theater. He chose puppets. After that I left the stuff out for him to make me puppets. I helped with the eyes - but that was it. Then I told him I wanted a "Night out" and left him to come up with a story - I wanted to see a play for 20 minutes, and then I wanted to be treated like the queen. I wanted someone to MAKE my cereal and bring it to me (things he could do/make) and then I wanted my feet rubbed (that didn't last long) and I wanted someone to run MY bath water......and lay out my towels and washcloth and then I wanted to be tucked into bed.

    That got me about 1 or 2 nights of peace. Until he figured that HE should be the Dad - I was the kid and if he were Dad he could cancel the show, I was going to be without cereal, I didnt' need a bath and my bedtime was 5:20 PM. Self proclaimed - he was the King. lol - yeah that'll happen. So I have no suggestions, but loads of sympathy.

    Sending hugs - it's all I have
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You must be exhausted. My difficult child is so like this but mostly bothering husband to do stuff although I get it too. It wipes us out and there is two of us. Hugs.
  5. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    One thing that worked for me was to have my daughter makes things for me but I couldn't see them because then they wouldn't be surprises and, of course, she'd have to do her very best job because I would be showing it to everyone. One day, this actually kept her busy a whole hour! Another day, it was 10 minutes.

    It really is hard when they can't entertain themselves at all. At least TV would give me a break. It was one thing she didn't mind doing by herself, so long as I would look at it when she said look.

    Parenting our little ones, especially as single parents, is soooo hard. We don't get a break or, if we do, it is rarely enough of one. I think I went 4 years where the largest break I had was 2 hours in that entire period (ages 8-12) other than school and I was there 3 days a week. No one wanted to deal with her. You become so angry, so resentful. It is so hard to not take it out on your little one, even when you know your child is doing the best she can. It hurts.

    Many hugs.
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This is the reason we lived in the country. If we had to have kept my boys cooped up in an apt in a city they would have climbed the walls and made us all crazier than wet hens. At least out here I could open the doors and tell them not to come home until dinner time. There is plenty to do too. Trees to climb, fish to be caught, dirt to dug, bikes to ride, mud holes to be played get my drift. They would be dirty and tired when they came home...but they were out of my hair for hours on end.

    I do agree though on checking with parks and recreation or the Y for summer programs. Many of those have scholarships for low income families...especially considering your health issues.
  7. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    She is doing summer school in July and daycamp in August.

    Star, she not only has a "box", she has an entire closet. My condo has 2 hall closets for some reason. One is so big (and I didn't need it to store anything) that I put her desk and all her "art" stuff in it for her. Pens, pencils, crayons, paint, construction paper, stickers, stamps, you name it.

    The place is TRASHED (papers all over the floor) and I refuse to help her pick it up again.

    Her latest is asking me if she can move her desk out into the front room. Not enough room in her closet.

    How's never? Is never OK with you, Tink?

  8. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I feel your pain.

  9. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    You know, this may be a very old fashioned solution, but back in the Dark Ages when I was a kid, we quickly learned not to ever complain to our mother that we were bored and had nothing to do. She'd find us something to do and usually we didn't like it. She had a lot to do and if we complained of being bored we'd soon find ourselves dusting the living room, folding laundry, outside sweeping the sidewalks, or standing on a chair doing dishes! She didn't consider herself to be the "Entertainment Committee" and she didn't think that it was her job to keep us amused.

    It didn't take us long to figure out things to do on our own if we were bored, even if it was just going outside to play, drawing pictures, or reading a library book! Beats the heck out of doing the dishes or dusting!
  10. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    I use the same method as Donna and it works pretty well, but it sounds like Tink doesn't know how to be alone as well as how to amuse herself. How does she do if a friend was over?
  11. So Tired

    So Tired Member

    Sounds like it is more about wanting your undivided attention than actual boredom. My oldest one was a little like that. He would want me to watch him play video games even! He was like a black hole. No matter what you did for or with him, he always needed more.

    Our township has a great playground program thru parks & rec. It is a drop-in program and not very expensive. They even take the kids on field trips once a week, like bowling and such, which means they are gone for the whole afternoon -- yipppeeeee! I used to sign up my difficult child and one of his friends would sign up too and he thought it was great and never figured out it was as much for me as him.

    Hope you get a moment of peace soon!
  12. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    You guys, I'm just ready to explode.

    No swimming again today; weather is not cooperating. When Tink woke up, she sweetly asked if there was something we could do if the weather did not improve.

    We looked online for movies and the prices & hours for the local Children's museum. I said that if we get the house picked up, we cold do both, and if she did not give me any grief, we'd invite a friend along.

    First she started to whine about picking up the house. I told her that I would not put up with it. She could not understand why we couldn't go RIGHT NOW. Hello? 8:30 AM?

    She did good as far as putting away laundry and watering her plants. Then she said "If katie can't come, I don't want to go". OK, I tell her, than what would you like to do?

    She yells, "YOU ONLY GAVE ME TWO CHOICES!!" (movie & museum).

    SO I try to get it across to her that those are 2 choices she did not have this morning. 2 is better than nothing. Nope, mom, just 2 choices is not fair.
    She either really does not get it, or is just that manipulative.

    I go online and show her pictured of kids in 3rd world countries. Bamboo shack and no running water, no oven, no food, no toys, you get the picture. She says "Stop showing me that, or I will leave, because you are just trying to make me feel like I am being mean!" I tell her that I am just trying to show her that there are kids way worse off than her. "SO? You still only gave me two choices!"

    Not a lick of empathy. None. And she is not on the spectrum. Her psychiatrist suggested some volunteer work might help her. She wants to know if she will get paid.

    I'm sounding like she is a monster. I want my little girl.
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    BBK....I think Donna may be onto something. Tink is an only kid. Well an only kid is lots of ways. I was an only kid too. The world isnt really set up for single kids. Games require at least two to play...except video I never could quite understand why my parents bought me board games when they really didnt want to play them with me often. I understand now why they werent gung ho on endless hours of chutes and ladders but back then, I just didnt understand.

    I did learn to play alone. There were a few kids in my neighborhood who I played with but for the most part I played either outside on my swing or inside with my dolls. Books and my imagination were my best friends.

    I realize she is young but reading can really open up new worlds. By the time I was 8 I was reading on a 9th grade level. Will she let you get her started on some of the more interesting series books? I adored the Trixie Beldon Series at that age.
  14. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    BBK, if I may....

    When they are in that frame of mind, there is no rationalizing with them. I've done the 'how much better you have it than...' thing and there is no way in Hades that Wynter would ever admit to anything at that time. Simply because it was not an argument that was working in her favor. She would come back with something along the lines of, "So. They're used to not having as much." I kid you not. For a long time I worried she didn't have any empathy. It's what really led me to get her started in therapy. Thing is, she does have empathy. Tons. She's just not going to admit it at times like that.

    As far as the 2 choices and a friend going... You gave her the choices and she could take them or leave them. If she didn't want to go if her friend didn't go, then that's her choice. And that's exactly how I would have left it with her. I wouldn't ask her what she wants to do then. I would simply say ok and go on about my day. She wants you to entertain her but only on her terms. I would not engage her. I would simply tell her those were her choices, end of discussion.

    I don't think there is a parent at there who is able and/or willing to entertain their child all day long every day. Not only that, children need to learn to entertain themselves, build on their imagination, etc.

    My daughter was the same in wanting me to watch everything she did. It was all the time. I couldn't even enjoy time with friends because she was always yelling, "Mommy, watch!" I finally told her that I was not going to watch everything she did. If she had something special to show me, then I would. It took some time, but we got there.

    When she's bored, you could come up with chores for her to do. More than likely, if Tink is anything like Wynter and she sounds like she is, it will just end in a meltdown, rage, drama, drama, drama. And nothing I ever came up with - or even still today come up with - was something she wanted to do. So, she'll come to me and say she's bored and if I offer suggestions, they're not any good, but she still wants me to fix it. Now, instead I simply say, "I'm sorry." If they get bored enough, they will find something to do.

    Wynter came to me last night saying she was hungry and there was nothing in the house that would fill her up. Honest to God, the fridge and freezer are packed. We can not get anything else in without taking something out. Same with the pantry cupboards. I even have one box of cereal sitting on the counter because the cereal pantry is full. Silly me fell into the trap of offering things and, of course, they weren't any good. Frustrated, I finally told her that if she got hungry enough she would find something. I was frustrated, by the way, for getting s-ucked into it yet again. I do slip occasionally. And she stood there and glared at me for probably 3 full minutes. I wouldn't look at her. Then she stomped out of the room and slammed her door. But, about 15 minutes later she did find something to eat.
  15. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    Oy yeah. My sister learned NEVER to complain to adult family members about being bored. Nothing like a day spent crawling around pcking tomato hornworm caterpillars off the tomatoes to solve that little issue.

    Or...turning over the compost heap, or (*gak*) helping dad clean out the roof top pigeon coop.

    My mother or dad could send kids scattering to find other occupations by just walking into a room and saying: "You look like you're getting bored. If you are, I'm sure I can find something for you to do."
  16. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    I am sorry. I really think these are some of the most frustrating times you can go through as a parent of a younger child.

    Is there any chance she needs a medication tweak? If psychiatrist says no, then can you video or audio tape her and get him to pull his head out??

    Is it time to teach her how to be alone??

    My mom would declare that for X minutes we had to be alone. Period. She used a timer. Any whining reset the timer, same with questions, "Look at me!!", or anything else.

    I think she started with 5 minutes, and then we got Mommy time as a reward. You may have to start as low as 2 minutes (I did with Wizard - until he could read.) It is hard to go throught he 30 to 60 minutes of tantrum and drama until you get your minutes, but you MUST not entertain her or do anything other than take (drag?) her to her room, or go to yours and NOT engage with her in any fashion. She can clean up messes later. the goal is the Alone Time, and cleaning up messes can happen AFTER her reward. She may be overwhelmed by the cleaning tasks, so you may have to work together to get it done. (My mom used to sit on my bed and read, giving me directions as to what todo next, or to stop reading).

    I really think she sound slike a medication tweak is needed. Also, have you tried getting all the preservatives/additives/colorings/etc out of her food? You can make the things fairly easily (I can PM you recipes for homemade mixes that are easy to make) and can even make food colorings naturally.

    I know some of my friends have had great luck with that.


  17. 4sumrzn

    4sumrzn New Member

    I learned VERY quickly to NEVER let the parents hear the word "bored". I was an only child for the 1st 10 years of my life. I think it does make a difference. It's rough to learn to entertain yourself. I figured it out though ;) I lived on a farm for a couple of those years....plenty to do. I lived in an apartment for a couple....took awhile, but learned to enjoy the creek close by & "tunnel". Some of those years I lived in neighborhoods & found friends to "help". Thing being.....some of those years I lived with my Mom alone. She worked all day & was tired when we got home. Not a bunch of one-on-one time "entertaining" me. I guess I'm lucky I was capable of finding things to do. Now, on the other hand, I babysit for 2 kids....their Mom is a teacher. She is constantly interacting with them & entertaining them. Over the past 2 years I've realized JUST how much she does this. These kids expect me to do the same. That was fine for awhile because I was just learning about them. But, when I started hearing the "what can I do now" & "watch me color this"....I put my foot down. Actually, that's when I started backing off how much I actually DO with them.....letting them try to find things to do. I think it's helped balance them a little & hopefully Mom has realized some that she could step back too! BUT, these are 2 kids that KNOW what's going on. If you think Tink really doesn't "get it"....that's different & it will be so much harder to make her understand. Sorry I'm babbling. I know it's frustrating. I hope something clicks soon ;) the way....that "playhouse closet"...I'm SO jealous. THAT would become the house "safe place".....difficult child timeout & MY hiding spot! LOL!
  18. Jungleland

    Jungleland Welcome to my jungle!

    Oh BBK, I feel your pain! Aly is sooooo like that. If every second isn't accounted for, planned out for total entertainment, life is NOT fun around here. It's even worse if plans have to change due to weather or no $$ or whatever. UGH!!!! Not fun!!

    So, when I moved here to the horse ranch, my place is TINY! I got rid of tons of stuff, or husband is storing it for me. So, when she is here, I do have alot of arts/crafts stuff we can do, I love to do that with her, but other than a bunch of old bikes and several playgrounds AND lots of horses, she is pretty much having to use her imagination more. I NEVER thought she'd be able to to that. Heck, J is already much better at entertaining herself than Aly has ever been.

    But, I am noticing that she is trying to do more things on her own or including J or her sisters in games of tag, hide-n-seek or what have you.

    They do get to spend alot of time with the horses, thank the good Lord! She loves to muck stalls, brush the horses, pick their feet, etc. And now we have the new puppy, so she is in heaven when she is here and teaching him how to walk on a leash and to sit, etc.

    We are starting to limit their TV time, thinking that was keeping her from being more creative, and I think it is working, a little bit. We shall see when it gets too hot in the summer to be outside, I think I will allow more movie watching.

    I feel you and I sympathyze!!!!

  19. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Thanks again all.

    Susie, I just saw the psychiatrist and I don't know what more we can do at this point as far as a medication tweak goes. Can't up the Abilify, she gets worse. She is no good on stims.

    I have been trying to implement a dye- and preservative-free diet for her, but with her Sensory Integration Disorder (SID), she throws royal fits when there is no food she likes. She is SO picky about what she will and will not eat.

    Good news is she starts Occupational Therapist (OT) tomorrow. FINALLY.
  20. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Does your school district or recreation department have any summer programs she can participate in? Does she like to draw and color? That Crayola box of 96 crayons might look pretty good. Several of the teachers I've subbed for get stuff from, so it's got some educational content as well.

    If I'd had Miss KT all summer long, every day of the week, I would've been a babbling idiot. You have my sympathies. I remember those days all too well. Sending hugs.