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Substance Abuse
Getting some emotional distance....
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 629770" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I thought so too; that our morals rubbed off on our children, until I had 36. I have always been a bleeding heart and tried to teach him compassion, love of others, love for animals, the good feeling of giving, the wisdom and rightness of living within the law...the whole nine yards. Well, that sure turned out well, didn't it...lol. He was just a toddler when I first got to see that the kindness and compassion part was not going to be status quo for him. By sixth grade or so, maybe earlier, he told me that his friends really looked up to him because he could steal and steal and steal and never get caught. Way to use your intelligence!!!! He was quite popular as many kids who do wrong things are.</p><p></p><p>I am convinced both by my long years of observation and the newest scientific neuroscience studies that some people are born missing certain connections in their brains that give most of us compassion, the desire to please, the want to behave, and a conscience. I also believe, again by many studies, that some of this, if not most, is inherited. I certainly see lots of personality disorders in my family and personality disordered people care little for others so they are difficult to have relationships with, even when we love them to pieces. Maybe they are coming closer to a way to help those with narcissism and antisocial. Borderline already has some treatments, with the biggest problem being that so many borderlines think they are absolutely fine and it is everyone else who needs treatment, not them.</p><p></p><p>I am positive most of us brought our children up with a strong moral compass. It is easy to see why a child may turn into a morally-challenged adult if they saw us cheating or heard us lying constantly or breaking the law ourselves...but, if so, I wonder if the parent didn't also have a personality disorder. Most of us here want to help our adult children and did not do any of that.</p><p></p><p>In a philosophical light, 36 has taught me a lot about patience, dealing with the unexpected, setting boundaries for myself and how we have no control over anyone but ourselves. What you are doing to cope is healthy and good and what most of us eventually do when we love somebody who is in some way damaged psychologically. The ones that don't are taking care of fifty year old abusive "children" and never have a chance to live a life or enjoy their other, more balanced loved ones.</p><p></p><p>Keep taking care of yourself and hope a lightbulb goes off with your difficult child. I also have learned to expect the unexpected sometimes.</p><p></p><p>Where there is life, there is hope.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 629770, member: 1550"] I thought so too; that our morals rubbed off on our children, until I had 36. I have always been a bleeding heart and tried to teach him compassion, love of others, love for animals, the good feeling of giving, the wisdom and rightness of living within the law...the whole nine yards. Well, that sure turned out well, didn't it...lol. He was just a toddler when I first got to see that the kindness and compassion part was not going to be status quo for him. By sixth grade or so, maybe earlier, he told me that his friends really looked up to him because he could steal and steal and steal and never get caught. Way to use your intelligence!!!! He was quite popular as many kids who do wrong things are. I am convinced both by my long years of observation and the newest scientific neuroscience studies that some people are born missing certain connections in their brains that give most of us compassion, the desire to please, the want to behave, and a conscience. I also believe, again by many studies, that some of this, if not most, is inherited. I certainly see lots of personality disorders in my family and personality disordered people care little for others so they are difficult to have relationships with, even when we love them to pieces. Maybe they are coming closer to a way to help those with narcissism and antisocial. Borderline already has some treatments, with the biggest problem being that so many borderlines think they are absolutely fine and it is everyone else who needs treatment, not them. I am positive most of us brought our children up with a strong moral compass. It is easy to see why a child may turn into a morally-challenged adult if they saw us cheating or heard us lying constantly or breaking the law ourselves...but, if so, I wonder if the parent didn't also have a personality disorder. Most of us here want to help our adult children and did not do any of that. In a philosophical light, 36 has taught me a lot about patience, dealing with the unexpected, setting boundaries for myself and how we have no control over anyone but ourselves. What you are doing to cope is healthy and good and what most of us eventually do when we love somebody who is in some way damaged psychologically. The ones that don't are taking care of fifty year old abusive "children" and never have a chance to live a life or enjoy their other, more balanced loved ones. Keep taking care of yourself and hope a lightbulb goes off with your difficult child. I also have learned to expect the unexpected sometimes. Where there is life, there is hope. [/QUOTE]
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