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Substance Abuse
Getting some emotional distance....
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 629786" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Thanks COM.....actually this time around looking around his FB page was good for me. I agree sometimes it just sets you up for more upset.... and if it had been really horrible that could have happened. I think though that it just put things into realistic perspective which is helping me distance myself a bit emotionally and I need to do that... that is a good thing for me.</p><p></p><p>I did bring up the issue about rules because I still want him to get that breaking the rules all the time is not working for him. You are right on the one hand that conversation is kind of pointless..... and yet it was also helpful to me in that I think I am seeing him more honestly and so I think it will help me keep my expectations very low. I dont think he has any real attention of working in recovery.... he is only going to do what he can to get through drug court and get off probation!!! Now I can hope his attitude will change, but at least now I know what his real attitude is!</p><p></p><p>And you are right it is hard to build a real relationship with an active addict.....and I will probably never have the kind of relationship with him I wish for, because honestly he is not the person I wish he was. Isnt that awful to say? But I dont like his values and we dont agree on values at all. Yet at the moment I think he is sober at least..... and I want to have some kind of relationship with him if possible as I believe that is his only chance in many ways. </p><p></p><p>TL</p><p></p><p></p><p>Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 629786, member: 15801"] Thanks COM.....actually this time around looking around his FB page was good for me. I agree sometimes it just sets you up for more upset.... and if it had been really horrible that could have happened. I think though that it just put things into realistic perspective which is helping me distance myself a bit emotionally and I need to do that... that is a good thing for me. I did bring up the issue about rules because I still want him to get that breaking the rules all the time is not working for him. You are right on the one hand that conversation is kind of pointless..... and yet it was also helpful to me in that I think I am seeing him more honestly and so I think it will help me keep my expectations very low. I dont think he has any real attention of working in recovery.... he is only going to do what he can to get through drug court and get off probation!!! Now I can hope his attitude will change, but at least now I know what his real attitude is! And you are right it is hard to build a real relationship with an active addict.....and I will probably never have the kind of relationship with him I wish for, because honestly he is not the person I wish he was. Isnt that awful to say? But I dont like his values and we dont agree on values at all. Yet at the moment I think he is sober at least..... and I want to have some kind of relationship with him if possible as I believe that is his only chance in many ways. TL Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app [/QUOTE]
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Getting some emotional distance....
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