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Substance Abuse
Getting some emotional distance....
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 629799" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>SB - I agree that JT and my difficult child sound very similar in many ways....although my difficult child did not make it to college and barely managed to graduate high school. His substance abuse started early and so did his trouble with the law.</p><p></p><p>I also totally agree it is impossible to have any kind of real relationship with someone who is actively using drugs. When my difficult child is using then very little contact is best. When we saw him the last time I knew he was going to relapse (if he hadnt already) because of the way he was with us... he clearly did not want to be with us and was just there to get something. It was kind of awful and I was depressed afterwards and knew he was headed downhill.</p><p></p><p>However when he was in that program for 7 months and sober we were making progress. I think what is hard for me about my difficult child is he doesnt talk to us much, lol which is not my style! But we would visit, talk a little and play cards and at least we felt some companionship and that was good.....and seeing him once a week for an hour was about right.</p><p></p><p>Now he is in jail and sober and one thing that is good about him being in jail is it is the one time he calls us a lot.....and last night I think it was just to talk. And we have been talking more and actually running out of time even. </p><p></p><p>We are going to visit him on Friday and we will see how that goes.</p><p></p><p>I accept that I will probably never have with him the close relationship I have with my daughter. I would like it if I could have it, but I am not sure with his issues that I ever could. It is hard for me to imagine ever trusting him and that is a very sad but true statement.</p><p></p><p>It is hard for me to know which personality order he has..... behavior wise points to antisocial....but when he was young he had a lot of compassion and was very sensitive to others feelings. It is one of the qualities I really miss and yet may still be there somewhere. However he has lied forever.... and I dont know how much remorse he really feels or if he has any concience (cant spell that word for the life of me). At one point from what I read borderline personality sounded the closest, and apparently it is much more common in men than previously thought.... but that often in men it is diagnosed as anti-social. Who knows and in a way it doesnt matter really unless he can get a good psychiatrist who can really treat him for it.</p><p></p><p>I will say the only way my son has had any periods of sobriety were when it was forced on him in some way..... right now it is through the legal system. In the past it has been by us sending him to wilderness and then a therapeutic school.... and then being homeless and deciding to come in from the cold. </p><p></p><p>Unfortunately my son has had a lot of treatment and knows how to play the game.....but I keep hoping these periods of sobriety may save some brain cells while he matures and things will get better.</p><p></p><p>And yes the attitudes are the surface.... and that is what I realized this week, this underlying personality and belief system goes much deeper and probably wont change.</p><p></p><p>TL</p><p></p><p></p><p>Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 629799, member: 15801"] SB - I agree that JT and my difficult child sound very similar in many ways....although my difficult child did not make it to college and barely managed to graduate high school. His substance abuse started early and so did his trouble with the law. I also totally agree it is impossible to have any kind of real relationship with someone who is actively using drugs. When my difficult child is using then very little contact is best. When we saw him the last time I knew he was going to relapse (if he hadnt already) because of the way he was with us... he clearly did not want to be with us and was just there to get something. It was kind of awful and I was depressed afterwards and knew he was headed downhill. However when he was in that program for 7 months and sober we were making progress. I think what is hard for me about my difficult child is he doesnt talk to us much, lol which is not my style! But we would visit, talk a little and play cards and at least we felt some companionship and that was good.....and seeing him once a week for an hour was about right. Now he is in jail and sober and one thing that is good about him being in jail is it is the one time he calls us a lot.....and last night I think it was just to talk. And we have been talking more and actually running out of time even. We are going to visit him on Friday and we will see how that goes. I accept that I will probably never have with him the close relationship I have with my daughter. I would like it if I could have it, but I am not sure with his issues that I ever could. It is hard for me to imagine ever trusting him and that is a very sad but true statement. It is hard for me to know which personality order he has..... behavior wise points to antisocial....but when he was young he had a lot of compassion and was very sensitive to others feelings. It is one of the qualities I really miss and yet may still be there somewhere. However he has lied forever.... and I dont know how much remorse he really feels or if he has any concience (cant spell that word for the life of me). At one point from what I read borderline personality sounded the closest, and apparently it is much more common in men than previously thought.... but that often in men it is diagnosed as anti-social. Who knows and in a way it doesnt matter really unless he can get a good psychiatrist who can really treat him for it. I will say the only way my son has had any periods of sobriety were when it was forced on him in some way..... right now it is through the legal system. In the past it has been by us sending him to wilderness and then a therapeutic school.... and then being homeless and deciding to come in from the cold. Unfortunately my son has had a lot of treatment and knows how to play the game.....but I keep hoping these periods of sobriety may save some brain cells while he matures and things will get better. And yes the attitudes are the surface.... and that is what I realized this week, this underlying personality and belief system goes much deeper and probably wont change. TL Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app [/QUOTE]
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