Getting totally worn out

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mazdamama, Jun 28, 2011.

  1. mazdamama

    mazdamama New Member

    Today was one of those days where I wish I could just run away from home.

    This morning was Daniel's appointment in Winter Haven with his therapist. Winter Haven is 1 1/2 hrs from us. I had to take David with us due to no sitter and really there was no problem on the way up there as they were watching Star Wars. Love vans with TVs!!

    The problems started there with David bugging everyone for a map, atlas or dictionary. Daniel spoke with the therapist alone for quite awhile and then I was asked to come in by myself. Okay, Daniel does need some kind of out of home care but I will have to discuss with psychiatrist tomorrow. The therapist brought up the fact that Daniel no longer has any socialization with kids his age and really has something against girls. Girls to Daniel are ALL females.

    I cannot help with the social bit..been there done that...even tennis lessons turned into Daniel throwing his racket in anger if some kid looked at him funny. He has lost all his friends due to his anger and aggression at this point. Taking him to a playground generally results in him getting into an argument with some kid.

    On the way home of course they picked at each other....all the way...groan. When we did get home David began his "I am hungry" bit although he had plenty of snacks and should have been full. I tried to lay down for an hr to get rid of my headache and he was in there every few moments with a tiny lego sword trying to stab me and saying he would kill me if I did not feed him...BRAT!!

    Took him to his theraphy appointment and he was all over the place. Therapist contacting his psychiatrist about the mean things he was saying and doing and what I was telling her. She also had me sign permission to get someone in the home to help with his behaviors. She was shocked.

    Now I did let some cats out of the bag today that I have kept to myself due to embarassment. My boys, more Daniel then David, will often use the bath towels in their bathroom to clean their behinds after a BM. I have tried the bathroom wipes but that has not helped. Daniel told the therapist that it is only him a few times......lie, lie, lie....and he does it because he feels he is wet. I know David has done it because he tells me the truth but it is more often Daniel. I did have trouble with both bowel training them and David actually had to have spinal surgery to work out his problems. He had a spinal tether that was interfering with the need to go sensation.

    Daniel's therapist wants me to note other things that I find abnormal with Daniel. Really never thought of it but there are some that I have gotten so used to that I now consider them the norm for him but they are not the norm for a boy his age.

    Okay..just needed to rant a exhausted from the trip and going to find a sitter for David for tomorrow's appointment. My back dr has told me time and time again not to sit in one position for any time over 45 mins....he has got to be kidding.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member


    Who is taking care of their health? Are you satisfied that this person has them diagnosed correctly? Are they on any medication? Does a psychiatrist oversee the therapist? Any medication?

    Do these professionals have any recommendations? By any chance were they adopted?
  3. mazdamama

    mazdamama New Member

    I have informed the pedi about the situation with both boys and who their doctors are and what their medications are. Both boys have therapist that are overseen by psychiatrists and Daniel has a caseworker. David will now have a case manager with the release I signed. David was originally diagnosis'd by a developmental/behavioral specialist who followed him for a few years. Being developmentally delayed the problems he has have been delayed and now mental health is rearing it's head big time. Daniel was diagnosis'd originally by a psychologist and then a psychiatrist verified all the same diagnosis's.

    And yes, both boys are adopted and are biological brothers. I was their paternal grandmother but have always been their Mommy....legally been their Mommy since 2004. My son and his wife lived with me from the time Daniel was 10 wks old and she was already pregnant with David. She was Borderline (BPD) along with other mental health issues and had been adopted herself by a couple that tried to put a square peg in a round hole...she was abused for her behaviors. Both she and my son called me Mom and Daniel thought it was my name. David was too busy surviving once he was born as she attempted suicide at 26 wks gestation with alot of neurological medications. Daniel, well, she held his head under the water in the bathtub. She attempted suicide again in my home and I told my son she could not come back after her hospital stay. He said he would find an apt for the four of them and I called DCF. They had a choice of giving me custody or the boys going in foster care...they chose me. This was in 2002 and she left the area in 2003 and my son divorced her. She wanted out of child support and I told her only way out was for me to adopt and she said "send me the papers".
    I became a widow when Daniel was 6 mos old. I am a 58 yr old disabled nurse and it is me and the boys. My son lives locally but does not play a big role in the boys' lives...more of a big brother they see once in awhile. He has a daughter with a woman that is a few french fries short of a small order. We got word that bio mom of the boys finally got what she wanted.....poured charcoal lighter fluid on herself and lit herself off two yrs ago. Spent 3 mos in a burn unit before passing. Daniel's remark on hearing she was dead "Well at least she cannot try to drown little kids anymore".
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Mazdamama-Your day today does sound completely exhausting; I can definitely relate. I'm glad you will be getting a sitter for tomorrow's appointment! It sounds like you need and deserve a massage-at least some free time-any chance of that? (((hugs)))
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    How sad (their past). Sounds like both parents had SERIOUS mental health issues. Also, they had to have been traumatized by birthmother's death and, before that, her attempt to DROWN them.

    If the birthmother used drugs, she also drank and part of the boy's problems are likely related to alcohol/drug exposure in utero. Rarely can a kid get pre-birth exposure to those things and not have serious consequences.

    You are a saint for taking them on. Please remember YOU have a life too...try to make time for yourself. I'm 57 and I could not raise anymore children...I commend you. Can you get son to step it up a bit and give you a break?
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ugh--1-12/ hrs!!!!
    Our drive is 15 min.
    And if it helps any, my difficult child used the towels for the same thing. Mostly, he didn't use anything at all, and just got back into his clothes.
    I finally talked to him--in the bathroom--and in a calm voice, told him I'd purchased Wet Wipes, even though he's not a baby, and told him they're the same things we use in the car to get melted chocolate off of our hands (he can identify with-that ... he has to have SOME of my bad habits, lol!) and after he uses the Wet Wipes, he can use regular TP to dry himself. I told him he has to look at the TP ea time he wipes, to be sure it has come clean. Ea time he wipes, he looks, and if it takes 6 wipes, so be it. I think he really followed my directions to a T, because we soon had clean towels and an overflowing toilet that leaked through the ceiling!!!! We had a Toto installed a cpl wks ago and it is a wonderful toilet.
    So, I solved one problem and moved onto another ...
    someday, maybe this will seem funny.
    Right now, I kind of want to throw up, Know what I mean??
    by the way, with-your son's drug exposure in utero, you will have to repeat this scenario over and over until he gets it. FYI.

    I agree with-the others, that if bmom used drugs, you've got a whole host of other issues. Keep breathing.