gfgbro showing very bad signs

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by susiestar, Dec 3, 2012.

  1. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    We went to my parents' to celebrate Wiz' 21's birthday. We were late because I had a panic attack before we left. Not terribly unexpected, but I wish it wouldn't happen. We did have a nice time once we were there.

    My niece was NOT supposed to be there, but seh showed up shortly before we got there. Bro was told he could NOT come because I was coming.

    Seems bro took his dogs and niece for a walk around the lake. He parked on the lot of a local factory rather than across the street (a 4 lane highway with 55 mph speed limit) in the lot provided for the lake and the walking path. It was dark when they finished the walk. So they go to the well lit factory and bro cannot find the car. He calls 911 and my dad to come get niece.

    then they walk less than 50 steps and there is the car. So they go back to the phone they borrowed (cause of course he forgot the phone - that my mother pays for so he will have it to keep niece safe) but cops are almost htere and so is my dad.

    There is NO barrier, building, fence or corner to explain why he did not see his car. The factory parking lots are VERY well lit, there are also street lights, and there is zero reason why he could not see his car. husband drove out to look at it after we got home because he was curious.

    This sounds like bro is drinking. I know for a fact that this is something that he did many times when drunk. We have heard stories about his recent exploits from people in the area, and it all adds up to bro drinking in my mind.

    My mother is trying to convince herself that this happened because bro was up all night studying for a final. This was the excuse, but even his daughter wasn't sure if he was up all the night before or was planning to study all that night as the reason for losing his car. She seemed to want me to say something about how finals make this possible. I mostly listened and played bobblehead because nothing I could say would be helpful.

    I loathe the way my bro is tearing up my parents. I could tell that my father does NOT think this is funny and that he is aware but not yet admitting that bro is not sober. I wonder how long it will be before my mother can admit it. Not sure I want to know.

    I do let my mother tell me about bro. It helps her to talk about him, and she needs that support.
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

  3. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    It's extremely hard for parents to admit to themselves their child has a severe problem that they can not 'fix'. I'm surprised the police didn't get more involved.
    Glad you had a good time.
  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Susie there is not one thing I can say that you don't know already and have told us many times. This is not meant to say I don't care because I really do, I just feel totally inadequate here. I'm glad you came here to share this because it helps to know that no matter how long we are away from the addict in our family, it can all come rushing back in a matter of minutes. And we are all so hypersensitive to the clues they give off. I use to tell my husband that I could tell if my dad had been drinking as soon as I walked in the door without him having said anything, just by his manerisms. My husband would tell me I'm crazy because he looked perfectly fine but I knew better.

    I doubt whether your mom wants to admit it out loud even though she probably knows in her heart because once she admits it she has to do something.

  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Thank you ALL. Nancy, you are totally right that my mom isn't facing it because she hasn't a clue what to do. Part of the problem is that bro is actually vastly more stable and sane than exsil. Exsil has no marbles and her elevator barely gets off the ground. We are all terrified at the effect this has one niece. Niece is a delight, but her mom's behavior clearly leaves permanent harm on niece. I just pray taht it won't be too much longer before bro and exsl both crash completely and then niece can be pulled out of that whole mess and put into therapy and a stable home.

    Part of me is haunted by worry that with-o husband and I, and our kdis, to take out his frustrations and need for drama on, he will have turned this either to very long (and hour or more isn't unheard of by a long shot) rant about exsil or to taking it all out on niece and his dogs.

    I am actually proud because I have not let this worry draw me into his circle in order to attempt to save niece. I am surprised that it hasn't been hard to not let this worry draw me back. I guess the therapy/meetings are helpful in ways I never suspected.

    I don't generally as my mom about bro, exsil and/or niece. I figure that the less I know the better I am. Mom often tells me, and this time niece daughter, and I don't cut them off or change topics. This time think my mom was telling me in order to let me know that he is having some real problems. Not sure I could do anything, but I can listen.
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh dear, I am so sorry.
    I'm sending hugs and support.
    Heartbreaking, I know.