GFGmom Retired @ 46 against everyone's advice. ,,,.how dumb is that?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by DDD, Sep 6, 2011.

  1. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I am detached. There is no heartbreak. on the other hand, even I was shocked that nobody could talk sense into her head. She left her job as a C.O. with the State. Her reasons were (l) her institution is expected to go private and (2) she has "always" wanted to be an RN. SO...she's going to access her retirement funds to go to Nursing School and follow her dream.

    Mind you it has not been announced that the State will make that prison private. There are other prisons close by where she could transfer. Although she can "probably" manage the schoolwork, the Nursing Schools are very small and selective. She is at least fifty pounds overweight, has had knee and ankle surgery within the past year. She worked for two weeks as a nursing home aide before her back was killing her and she had to quit. She has not applied for any Nursing School admission. Duh!

    She is also planning on using her retirement funds to "fix up the house" and "keep even with her bills" (something she truly has never ever been able to do because she is hugely impulsive). Her easy child bro who works for the State stressed how important it was to work a few more years. Not. Her easy child sis explained that the only future security she had was her State job and retirement. I only had two conversations about it with her and they were both brief...I added that nobody in the family would be providing financial support for her (the easy child's are saving for their old age), and then I added "look at my is scarey to be old and not have retirement funds". To everyone she replied politely "I know you don't understand but this is what I have always wanted to do." Can you believe it? Oh yeah, local hospitals are cutting hours for experienced nurses! DDD
  2. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Just a rumor of a prison system going private doesn't mean that it will happen! We already had a few institutions here that were still State-owned but privately run. They tried to push for privatization of the whole system here but the employees came out so strongly against it that it fell by the wayside. Of course, that's putting it mildly. The employees descended on the state capitol like a swarm of angry hornets! It didn't help that the Speaker of the House was married to the head lobbiest for the company that wanted to take over, a deal that would have brought her millions if it had gone through. As State employees, we would have lost our seniority, our pensions and our Civil Service protection! They don't just slide these deals through with nobody noticing!

    And I hope she realizes just how difficult it is to gain admission to a good nursing school. The ones here have ten applicants for every available slot in the class and at least of third of the ones who are accepted into the program never finish. Some people apply year after year and never do get in. When they opened it up to give out applications and preliminary interviews, lines started forming at 3:00 am! My daughter was one of the very few who were accepted on the first try. She was young but she already had several years experience working in a nursing home and excellent references from her employers.

    Has she already done this? Why did she not apply to nursing school first and THEN leave her job if and when she was accepted?
  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    She has already done it, Donna. As always she just doesn't listen to advice from others...just plows ahead with whatever she wants to do. That's why I had a second brief conversation with her about the choice. Low key. Polite. Showing concern for her future and the future of her children. Although I really did realize that she was politely letting it go in one ear and out the other, I just kept hoping that something would "click". It didn't. Yes, I did suggest that she apply first before making such a huge decision. Not. Geez, I am glad that I have almost completely detached from her. Sad. DDD
  4. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    I recently realized that people who drop everything in the pursuit of a new beginning/new career/new relationship do so because the new whatever is both a crutch and an excuse. The things that are wrong in their lives can't possibly be their own fault - oh no - it's the fault of their career, their location, YOU, or someone else or blah blah blah. Of course, abandoning the whatever is a WISE decision because that will fix whatever is wrong. And anyone who doubts that is a horrible person for standing in between them and their dreams. Those who recommend caution and thought are just naysayers and dream killers who don't believe in them. Everyone and everything are the bad guys; the fault is never their own.

    And society plays into it. How many times do we hear a celebrity say "Follow your passion, go for it, sacrifice everything to do what you love...". No one gets award for staying the course, choosing the practical, saving for a rainy day. 40 years ago, my dad took a transfer that moved our family across country from our tight knit relatives. When asked "why?" - he always said he had no choice because of his stomach problems. The reply was often "stomach problems? what kind of stomach problems?" And he always answered, "my stomach likes to have food in it"

    Reason won't work, I am so sorry she is tossing everything to the wind. But it sounds like you all have a handle on it and know what to expect. And you've made it clear to her that you won't be her safety net and neither will her siblings. That's very laudable.
  5. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    My Dad did this to me, too, 24 years ago; west Texas to mid Ohio. I hated him for a long time. But it was a new start, more money in our pockets and a lower cost of living. And if he hadn't... I wouldn't have what and who I do.

    HOWEVER... He had a new job before we moved. He made plans. Before.

    Hugs, DDD. I'm glad you've detached...
  6. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Another thing too about the nursing school programs ... most of them only have one class per year. Even if you are accepted, you have to wait for the classes to begin and if you missed it for that year, you'd have to wait another whole year and apply again! And they start at odd times. Allison's nursing school classes started in October. If you didn't make it in to the class or didn't apply in time, it's a whole year before you can try again! And how does she plan on supporting herself and her children if she does get in to nursing school? It's not easy. It's very intensive and time consuming and there's no way she could work, even part time. And while it's not as expensive as attending a four-year college, it's not cheap either! Seems like we were constantly writing checks while she was in school for tuition, fees, uniforms, equipment and books. Sounds like she didn't give this much thought at all! Sounds like she's one that has to learn the hard way. I'm glad you've had so much practice at detatching!
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Some nursing programs are 4 year degree programs or even 5 year programs. That is what my step sister was...a 5 year RN. In VA, at least back in the early 80s, a RN had to be a bachelor degree program and to get a specialty RN you had to go one more year. She specialized in pediatrics and went on to specialize in NICU. Back then and maybe even now, I dont know, the two year degree was the LPN program.
  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Truthfully I have no knowledge of "her survival plan". It could be to deplete her "retirement funds" (which I assume involves a big penalty for early withdrawal) or milking the system again. It's mindboggling. She has few scrupples. I just hope she doesn't encourage easy child/difficult child to go back to drug money for her. In a zillion years I never dreamed I would have a daughter like this. Yikes. DDD
  9. elizabrary

    elizabrary Member

    Oh snap, I'm 46 in Feb.- retirement here I come- NOT. Unbelievable! I have at least 20 more years of work before I can even think of retirement, not to mention the healthcare situation. I'm assuming she's just going to go without insurance. What in the world are people thinking? It's bad enough when you're 20 or even 25 and make dumb decisions like this, but at 46? You'd think she'd lived long enough to figure out the most basic of things- like you must have a job!
  10. in a daze

    in a daze Guest

    So sorry, DDD. I have been an RN for over 30 years, graduated from a 4 year program. From what I hear, the community college programs have long waiting lists. Given her physical problems, I can't see her surviving in a hospital environment. There are low impact specialities such as Pediatrics/NICU (hard to get into) home health (need adult medication-surg hospital experience) utilization review (office job, ditto), etc. Since everyone decided to go to nursing school, there is no longer a shortage. Just talked to a nursing student...she said a lot of her friends who graduated in 2010 are still looking for work, and this is a four year school.
  11. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    DDD, she will take a 20% hit on taxes if she takes it out before 59 1/2 - only way round is to take out a loan, but you are limited as to how much you can take out for a loan, and you would have to pay it back in 5 years.

    Look on the bright side, at least she has money saved - mine at 40 is still trying to finagle a way out of working so she can be a stay at home mom and a baby sitter- she has not saved a penny for her retirement - the baby making machine is out of commission thank gawd, or we may have had a baby daddy 4,5 or 6 and on ad infinitium till she found someone who could support her in the style she thinks she should be accustomed to.

    Its a dumb move for your daughter, but she knows how to work the system so she will be ok I think :)

  12. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Some people just plain have to learn the hard way.

    Now you all know I went to nursing school, graduated with honors ect. And guess what? Not a job to be found that is over 18 hrs a wk, not even in nursing homes. Nurses will always work used to be the motto. Not so much now days. The nursing shortage no longer exists in many areas and those areas that it doesn't tend to be flooded with nurses, both RN and LPN. Then add in the current economy, all those people without work....which usually means also uninsured (usually no medicaid)....hospitals are taking LOSSES (yeah I know believe it or not they are that equipment costs a mint) and hospitals are tightening their belts in a major way to keep their doors open and ride out the bad times.

    So......vast majority of hospitals are hiring RNs with 2 yrs experience at least. LPNs usually will be ok in spots in nursing nursing homes are almost always screaming for help. Not right now. RN students who can't find work in those hospitals are now going to the nursing homes for experience, which bumps out the LPNs. And LPNs are stuck trying to find work where they can which isn't much right now. doctor offices only hire NPs or medical assistants. Most home health facilities want nurses with experience, both RN and LPN.

    The result of this? 2 out of my class are actually working more than 18 hrs per wk (one because she has 2 jobs) The others can't find anything.

    And it's getting worse because the heaven only knows how many nursing schools in the area keep pumping out nurses as fast as they can.

    I'm not one to squash someone's dreams. But it would have been smart to have done some real research before she made this leap. I'm thinking the nursing school is an excuse, and she just wanted to retire.
  13. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I always hears that teachers would always be able to find work, too. That's the main reason I went back and got my credential; I was sick of nights, weekends, and the holiday scheduling that retail has, and figured there would be no problem going back to work full-time once Miss KT left the nest. Yeah. I've been subbing 16 years, and have all but given up on the idea of having my own classroom. As long as I sub, I have a job, and the thought of throwing the contacts away that I've so painstakingly built up over the years for the chance to teach full time for MAYBE one year just makes me sick.
  14. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    It is dumb... and disheartening that at 46 she is still a difficult child!! I keep hoping that at some point my son will turn things around and stop being a difficult child.... but gosh he has been one all his life why do I think he will grow out of it???
  15. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    Is it possible that she "decided to retire" because she was not performing well at work and was in danger of losing her job anyway? Or was about to be "found out" in some way and wanted to get out before the auditors/big boss or whoever came through?

    Certainly "retirement" puts a better spin on the situation than "fired"...

    Just a thought.
  16. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I don't think she was in trouble or on the edge of trouble. She has missed alot of work for multiple surgeries this year but, evidently, since it was all documented it was ok. Also, she spoke directly to the Warden and asked if she could "come back" if things didn't work out. His response according to her was "we always need experienced people". DDD
  17. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Just sending hugs.........I'm in awe
  18. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Via email I suggested that she check out what penalties might exist for early withdrawal. She politely responded "I have been very careful in making this decision. If I use the money for school or to fix up my house there is no penalty. "Dad" has me working with "his man" so I've got it covered."

    Oh yeah! That's reassuring, lol. on the other hand, thankfully, I am almost completely detached. I was tempted to say "oh that's good because your Dad also knows about filing bancrupcy in another County and then picking up a new car after leaving the Court." I didn't...but I was tempted. DDD

    by the way. I wonder if dear old "Dad" knows that GFGmom has taken out life insurance policies on all of us. LOL
  19. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Glad you've been able to detach from this one well DDD.
  20. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    D3, I'm a little confused. Is she talking about withdrawing her money from a 401k or is she talking about getting money from her State retirement plan? Of course, either way she will regret doing it someday. But if her State retirement system is anything like ours, you really can't do that. Up until about thirty years ago employees contributed a monthly amount to their own retirement accounts but they discontinued that and now the State pays the whole amount. An employee who was around long enough to have contributed to their own account can "borrow" that amount from their retirement account but there are penalties if it is not repaid. I think most systems work about the same. In ours, you can retire with full benefits at any age ONLY if you have thirty years of service. If not, there's no way you can get any money out of your account until you reach retirement age ... at least another twenty years for her! And when she can collect benefits, they will be smaller because they will be based on what she was making now. I know I'm preaching to the choir here but she's really cutting herself off at the knees. Those twenty years will go by quickly and she won't have enough to live on ... Lord only knows you can't live just off of what Social Security pays you, if it's even still around in twenty years!