GI, endoscopy and nothing wrong

[Ktllc]

His upper digestive system looks "perfect" as the doctor put it. No signs of any problems and he does not expect the biopsy to be abnormal either.
We are dealing with a behavioral problem, not a physical problem
So I guess it is good news that V is healthy.
Now, how do you "fix" a problem that is all in his head? The doctor mention a medication that would increase his appetite: megace.
I'm not sure wether we should do it or not... He is skinny but I don't believe he is in a dangerous zone yet (will talk with pediatrician a bout it though, just to get her opinion on top of what GI said).
The key is probably not to draw too much attention to it, but it is so hard to do! It really gets my blood pressure up when I spend time cooking a meal he won't eat and once everyone is done and relaxing for the evening, I hear "I'm hungry". And V won't stop saying it until someone reacts.
Inevitably, I say eat your dinner (still on the counter) and he goes on about how much he does not like it and here we go: V gets all the attention over a meal he never had any intention of eating.
Sweet Pea also picks up on V's behavior and then thinks she should play instead of eating. Forcing V to sit at the dinner table with us also draws attention and his attitude once again makes me boil.
Ignore the food issues, pick your battle... I've heard. How do you do that???? When all you here all day long is "I'm hungry" and then the kid refuses to eat what you offer.
Anyone dealing with similar issues? He is a growing boy, it's such a shame. And in case you wonder: he is not on any medications, so medications side effects are not at play.

 

[InsaneCdn]

That was me. I survived. Not so sure about my parents.
They tried to force the issue, and I totally shut down. Haven't really recovered, either. Food is my nemisis. I love what I shouldn't have, and hate the rest of it.

Will he "graze"? If you left healthy nibbly stuff out, would he sneak some? nuts, dried fruit, raw veggies, that kind of stuff?

(I survived by stealing raw veggies out of the fridge in the middle of the night)

 

[TeDo]

What I have done, since difficult child 1 has "food issues", is make sure I have food around that he can make himself. Sandwich meats, peanut butter, jelly, canned fruit & fresh when in season, single portion foods (bought or leftovers) that he can microwave, etc. I taught him at a young age how to use the microwave. I also started taking him (just him) with me grocery shopping and let him pick out some things that were just his. I had to make sure to teach him to balance sweet with "healthy". Sometimes we even sat down with the grocery ad and made a list of things HE wanted. It took some time and effort on my part but he's finally getting it. AND it gives him and I some 1:1 time.

 

[Chantillylace]

You know, you could probably try 1, 2, 3 Magic with this! Explain to him the rules. When you say you're hungry, I will tell you to eat your food. If you try to argue, that's one. Keep arguing, that's 2. More, and that's 3... Go to time out. Check it out! It takes away his power because you won't argue with him. If hr keeps it up after time out, then try it again. He has food, so it's not like you're telling him he has to just not eat.

 

[BusynMember]

Will he eat at all or will he just refuse your healthy, well balanced dinner?

I had this with my son. He had serious sensory issues and would never eat fruits, veggies, or anything he thought felt or looked mushy or "gross." In fact, he would throw up. He will still throw up if forced. We never did find a way to make him eat what we ate as he was too grossed out by certain textures, smells, colors and tastes of food to keep a lot of it down. They were part of his serious sensory issues.

He is nineteen now and still does not eat healthy and we tried everything in the book plus tons of professionals to make sure he didn't have any other medical problems (we had him see a lot more doctors than you took V to see). We also had him tested for diabetes, thyroid, and endocrine issues because he craves sweets and carbs and doesn't even like meat or chicken. Nobody ever found anything wrong with him. We took him to three different nutritionists. Nada.

If V refuses to eat what you cook, you may one day be forced to let him eat what he likes to eat and throw in as much healthy stuff as you can. I think it's healthier to do that than to let him not eat and not gain, when he needs food so badly at his age. Do you think he may have sensory issues toward certain textures, colors, or smells of foods?

 

[Liahona]

We had a completely different situation. difficult child 1 refused to eat what we had at our house because x was telling him how awful it was, and x was letting him eat what ever he wanted (bags of m&m's, fast foods, ect...) We are also very poor, so it wasn't an option to change what we were eating to the more expensive food x was telling difficult child 1 we should be feeding him. It wasn't a sensory thing at all. After a few days of not eating difficult child 1 would get so hungry he would binge on the foods he first turned down. His weight was dangerously low so we had to do something about it. We tried the pediasure drinks, but he hated it. We ended up having the rule of you eat what is given to you. Then we would give him ridiculously small portions. We would try incentives of game time to get him to eat. We never force fed him. Most times after sitting at the table for a long time if the rest of the family started watching a movie he would hurry and eat to watch it with us. On foods we knew he would binge on we had to limit it. For example, only 3 bowls of cold cereal. It was a huge fight for many years, but we all survived it. (Even if difficult child 1 was a very skinny kid.) Now that he is older and can see through some of x's mind games the food isn't an issue.

difficult child 2 and difficult child 3 both have some food issues. For awhile difficult child 2 had to have all his food stuck in the freezer before he would eat it. Mostly with them if its something we haven't had in awhile or haven't had before they won't eat it. If I try to make an issue of it I'll get autistic meltdowns. Its not worth it to me. They aren't dangerously skinny. They just go without eating for a meal. If it starts becoming a big issue (like when they would only eat pb&j) I insist on 3 bites of every food on their plate. After enough times of this they figure out it tastes o.k. and start eating again.

 

[Malika]

This sounds like a recipe (excuse the pun) for disaster. Daily power battles over food... no, thank you!!
What will V eat? Whatever it is, I would put it out on the side for him in plates with a glass of milk when you are eating as a family and let him eat it. He is clearly hungry otherwise he wouldn't complain of hunger.
Personally I just wouldn't engage with this. Easy to say I know but you are just going to dig him deeper into recalcitrance by trying to make him eat what the family is eating. Give him a good multivitamin and mineral and wait for the phase to pass.

 

[Ktllc]

V does have a lot of sensory issues. He does complain about textures, butit is kind of random. One day it is fine, the next day he does not like how it feels. In which case, I don't push the issue (it would be like someone forcing me to eat pooh... not going to happen!).
In the plate, there are usually at least 3 different kind of food. I have been making his portion ridiculously small so he won't be set up for failure.
The problem of the "I'm hungry" statement: he eats one bite (sometimes as small as a peanut) and he then claim to be full. So it is not very clear to me whether he truly is hungry or not.
V strangely enough, likes a wide variety of food: fruits, breads, nuts and veggies being on the list. The quantity is just VERY small.
For example, last night at dinner he refused to eat what was served, so I served him a small glass of mlik which he drank. Later, he had a few cashews and a scoop of ice cream since everyone had ice cream and I did not want to isolate him.
The rule used to be: if you don't eat your dinner, no desert. I can't even do that anymore... because he still won't eat. I can't look at him and say no birthday cake (or what ever) because you did not eat. It will only lead to a meltdown.
We've been doing a lot of camp fires on the deck lately and V gets to roast his own hotdogs which he is very happy to eat.
I also take him grocery shopping and we do talk about what is healthy and what is sugary. He likes to try the new stange fruits and veggies. But even there: one bite. That's eat.
If I had to conclude: he has food curiosity but seem completely dysregulated.
I believe I have 2 choices in this matter: randomly decide he is doing it on purpose or decide he is not controlling it.
I also have to keep in mind that he still shows lots of sign of internal dysregulation (not potty trained at night, sleep issues although somewhat under control). Now, hunger issues....
husband suggested giving him a small back pack that he can carry around and dig into when he gets hungry (when we are on the go). Being his responsibility to fill with snacks from the pantry.
I do like the idea of individual microwaveable portions though. He has no food allergies or intolerance, so even if I buy the frozen meals, I suppose it would be healthy enough. Not the best, but oh well. I'll have to choose some very small meals though, as to not end up with tons of left overs.
I'll think of a system this weekend and explain it to V. The idea being to make HIM responsible for his hunger issues. Take ME out of the equation and therefor take any controlling issues out of it.
You guys sure help me brainstorm! That's so nice to talk to people who understand.

 

[TeDo]

Sounds like you have a wonderful plan. Even if it's only one bite here and there, it's something. I DO have to make sure difficult child 1 takes a multivitamin and calcium supplements EVERY day because his tastes change almost that fast and yes, there are times that he thinks he's hungry for one thing but after taking a bite realizes that's not what he really wanted. Ever had that happen to you? I know I have. What I think I want just doesn't "hit the spot". I agree you have two ways of looking at this....as with most things. I, personally, think it's an Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) thing since it's very similar to difficult child 1. I hope your plan works. Oh, by the way, they don't have to be frozen meals. There are all kinds of microwave meals that aren't even refrigerated. You can always save what he doesn't eat for another day by throwing the leftovers in the freezer..... at least I do with the Hormel ComplEats.

 

[ThreeShadows]

Boy, that must be so hard for a French mother! If you're anything like me, you respect a good meal "en famille". It's hard not to take it personally. difficult child 3 knows that, in this house, healthy, well prepared food=my love for you is on this plate. I spend a lot of time cooking in this family and it has become a power trip for her. She loves to watch me lose it over this issue. I buy her stuff that she has liked in the past (I'm a couponer, so I stock up). Then she proclaims that she no longer wants it. I've had to back off. I'm done catering to her whims. It's possible that she will be obese when she is in her twenties because ALL she wants is pizza, pasta, potatoes, bread, and ice-cream. She won't stay this active for ever. I have done my best, I'm too disgusted to try anymore.

I hope you can figure this out before he is a teen, Good luck!

 

[DammitJanet]

Since V is still thin and small I would try having good food around that he likes but also have things like "chocolate milk" that is really those carnation instant breakfasts and that V8 fruit drink. That stuff is awesome. It was the first fruit juice we put Keyana on instead of apple juice. She loved it. She still drinks it. It has full servings of fruits and veggies in it. If he will eat a little hamburger, stick a little shredded carrot or something in it. Or just let him eat the tiny piece of hamburger and see if he will eat the carrots with dip. Try apple slices with dip. Caramel dip is great like the sell at McDonalds.

He is still young enough for those graduate meals in the baby food isle. They have them in preschool sizes. Just add salt or they arent very good. Try some of those cereal bars.

This is one area I have had very little experience in. My kids are eaters. Hailie plays at being picky for her mother but I dont allow that game when she is with me. She follows suit and eats whatever we do when alone with us. LOL. If Keyana is here she will really eat well. Hailie will do whatever Keyana does.

 

[Ktllc]

Boy, that must be so hard for a French mother! If you're anything like me, you respect a good meal "en famille".

That is so right: food is not only a necessity, but in France everything revolves around food. Food is social, friendship, family, love!
I had never seen a boxed meal until I was probably in my late teens, early twenties. Which in a sense is a good thing: I know how to cook, I know what is healthy. But V creates LOTS of work on my end.
But I agree, those individual portion meals sound great and definetly healthier than a power struggle... Or me inevitably becoming aggravated because I have yet to cook something else for V because he is all of a sudden "hungry" and then "no... I'm full".
I do buy quite a few cereal bars (the ones with the most protein), V refuses those nutrition milks (I've tried many kind).
Yesterday, I made meatballs with beef, eggs and a bit of rice (not too much, otherwise V would notice the rice and refuse to eat). I made different sizes and V ate 1 small meat ball.
Later in the afternoon, we went on the lake with our boat and V ate quite a few slices of summer sausage, cheese cubes and crackers! I was amazed.
It made me realize that V does eat when it is not served as a meal around the table. He likes to eat finger food on the go. Or around the fire pit.
I'm not sure what to make of this, but it is interesting to note.

 

[Malika]

There's your solution, Ktllc! You just need to eat all your meals in the middle of the lake

 

[InsaneCdn]

V is what we would call a "grazer"... part of the challenge is that their stomachs have not "grown" because they don't put much in there at a time. Having healthy food available to eat "whenever" helps get him the calories and nutrients he needs to grow. If some of that is stuff he really likes, he might eat a bit more at one time... and slowly increase his capacity to actually eat a "meal".

 

[AnnieO]

Something I noticed about myself... Regarding certain foods. Veggies specifically.

I do NOT like cooked carrots. They are mushy and taste funny. Raw ones, though, I adore.
I cannot eat raw broccoli. Makes me gag. But - lightly steamed? Oh, yes, please!
Cauliflower - I can eat cooked, but not mushy-cooked. I prefer it raw.
Spinach - I adore cooked spinach. Have since I was tiny. Only recently have I been able to get raw spinach past my lips without gagging.
Okra - I love cut up small, in gumbo - or breaded and fried. Give me a whole pod with the seedy snotty stuff? BLECH.

I really love crunchy stuff. If my tortilla or potato chips are left open, and it's humid, and they are slightly less than a sharp crunch? I can't eat them.

I also am a grazer. Dry cereal - I love Rice Chex, no sugar. If I eat stuff like oatmeal, it has to be freshly made and have some texture. Granola bars are great, especially the chewy kind.

As for flavors - cheese is a HUGE pet peeve of mine - I love cheese. LOVE it. But if it has the tiniest spot of mold on it - FORGET IT. My parents and husband have tried to cut off the mold and still give it to me - I can taste it. It permeates the entire block/bag. They can't taste it, I guess.

...Would V eat veggie crisps? I plowed my way through a bag of them yesterday and today. Low sodium, low fat, baked, reasonably healthy...

 

[DammitJanet]

Have you tried baked glazed carrots that are glazed with brown sugar and butter? OMG yummy! I never liked cooked carrots until I tried them. I normally only liked baby carrots with ranch dressing.

I just made the best deer meat stew with cornbread and it was to die for. We are having leftovers tomorrow night. Its always better the second day. But it is so easy to make. You can do it with beef too.

 

[Ktllc]

All those ideas are great, and I am a pretty good cook.
The individual portion meals did not work at all! First, V refused to look at them in the store. Then, he wanted to try one at one and never ate it after opening it... He never went back to it.
I think I'm just going to try to ignore it as much as I can.
The bottom line: there are enough foods at home that he can eat on his own (yogurts, apple sauce, snack bars, milk, fruits, nuts, raw veggies, bread, hard boiled eggs, venison jerky etc...). Even if V was to only eat those non prepared foods, he would have enough to grow good. All he has to do is open the pantry or the fridge and dig in.
The only rule we have any more: nothing sweet until he eats something healthy (even if very small). And I might be wrong, but I cannot back down on this one rule.
Yesterday at the park, he almost had a meltdown because he was hungry after he had refused to eat his dinner. When he came home, he went right to his plate, ate his small portion of lasagna and was allowed to have desert. But as usual, we had to have a very unpleasant experience at the park first....
We'll see how it goes the next coming weeks. But I think I'm done worrying about it, or at least asking him to eat. Now, I just tell "ok don't eat." and don't go into arguing with him.

 

[AnnieO]

...I have a recipe for reasonably "healthy" cranberry oatmeal cookies... LOL would he eat those?

 

[TeDo]

That's probably all you can do right now. Just make sure he takes a "quality" multivitamin every day (the one with the highest percentage of everything you can find). You might even want to ask a doctor for a recommendation. If he's not getting much calcium, you should have him do that too. I know that difficult child 1 wasn't getting enough and we finally found a calcium supplement he doesn't mind taking and he has grown (still WAY small for his age but growing again). Cover as many of the nutritional bases as you can with supplements and make sure he drinks plenty of liquids.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Warning... do not take calcium supplements at the same time as medication. Calcium needs to be 2 hours before, or 1 hour after medications... or it interferes with the absorption of medications. I take my calcium in the middle of the night (its my only option!)