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gig visiting today - advice?
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 627741" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>Let it go. Don't engage. He can brag and be offensive, but you can decide how you take it. </p><p></p><p>When my dad has one of his bouts and wants to rub my face into it (he ha Borderline (BPD), so yeah, at times very self centred and narcissistic and likes to get a raise from me) I try to take an attitude that matches his behaviour. If he wants to behave like a toddler, I respond like to toddler. No one (in their right mind) starts an argument with a toddler middle of temper tantrum (and think it would help any.) Being calm and not engaging works much better. They may be legal and chronological adults but if they behave like toddlers, or kids in the top of their puberty, trying to annoy and provoke you, you are not obliged to treat or relate to them like adults acting like adults. </p><p></p><p>For me that works, if I'm in the strong footing. When stressed, I sometimes let myself get provoked even when I should know better. That never ends well. You can not win an argument with person with personality disorder or other person with similar challenging behaviours by getting involved in their level. Never. Same as you never win with a toddler by throwing similar nonsense tantrum they are throwing.</p><p></p><p>Look at his behaviours and see them as what they are, either very infantile ways to trying to make themselves look or feel better or to take enjoyment from attempt to make you react in his level. You are not obliged to give him either. </p><p></p><p>It can be very, very difficult to not let him provoke you, but it is worth the try. When it works, it works beautifully. Of course, when it doesn't work, you very easily find yourself in the argument that will go nowhere and will only hurt you. For me it is easier with my dad, or my difficult child when he is in that mood, than it id with someone I don't know that well. With adult strangers you kind of expect some kind of sanity from the other (and especially people with personality disorders are often very good at hiding what they are first, especially if you don't actually meet them but talk on the phone or in internet) and tend to put some faith onto what they say and it takes some time to notice the red flags. With someone you actually know to have those challenging behaviours, it is easier to keep that in mind and not get provoked. But you really have to see those behaviours as what they are and not take them at face value.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 627741, member: 14557"] Let it go. Don't engage. He can brag and be offensive, but you can decide how you take it. When my dad has one of his bouts and wants to rub my face into it (he ha Borderline (BPD), so yeah, at times very self centred and narcissistic and likes to get a raise from me) I try to take an attitude that matches his behaviour. If he wants to behave like a toddler, I respond like to toddler. No one (in their right mind) starts an argument with a toddler middle of temper tantrum (and think it would help any.) Being calm and not engaging works much better. They may be legal and chronological adults but if they behave like toddlers, or kids in the top of their puberty, trying to annoy and provoke you, you are not obliged to treat or relate to them like adults acting like adults. For me that works, if I'm in the strong footing. When stressed, I sometimes let myself get provoked even when I should know better. That never ends well. You can not win an argument with person with personality disorder or other person with similar challenging behaviours by getting involved in their level. Never. Same as you never win with a toddler by throwing similar nonsense tantrum they are throwing. Look at his behaviours and see them as what they are, either very infantile ways to trying to make themselves look or feel better or to take enjoyment from attempt to make you react in his level. You are not obliged to give him either. It can be very, very difficult to not let him provoke you, but it is worth the try. When it works, it works beautifully. Of course, when it doesn't work, you very easily find yourself in the argument that will go nowhere and will only hurt you. For me it is easier with my dad, or my difficult child when he is in that mood, than it id with someone I don't know that well. With adult strangers you kind of expect some kind of sanity from the other (and especially people with personality disorders are often very good at hiding what they are first, especially if you don't actually meet them but talk on the phone or in internet) and tend to put some faith onto what they say and it takes some time to notice the red flags. With someone you actually know to have those challenging behaviours, it is easier to keep that in mind and not get provoked. But you really have to see those behaviours as what they are and not take them at face value. [/QUOTE]
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