yea i'm actually asking for it lol. i'm struggling, haven't been able to sleep much with tmrw approaching and her moving out. i'm struggling with seperation, ihave therapy on monday so i'm hoping that'll help. i don't want to screw up tmrw. break down infront of her, let my knee jerk reaction to the situation cause me to try to stop her and create a horrible scene. i am like a human roller coaster, my emotions regarding this are all over the map. it's horrible. i'm usually in control yet i'm not now. one minute i'm smiling the next i'm tearing up. i'm so worried for her, so concerned, finding out she's going to mexico certainly didnt' help. how do i cope and not keep my cell near me each night waiting for that horrid phone call your daughter's hurt in hospital etc. i've got alot of guilt. i adore difficult child yet i'm secretly angered by her. i sat down and processed all the years, the difficult child craziness fact it's taken me 12 years to get a small handle on her. i tried so hard yet nothing i did was enough. the fact that 5 years ago i lost it all financially due to difficult child's doctor's, reduced work hours, etc. and easy child knew it. she has lead a troubled existance in our home due to difficult child. i know it in my heart. we had good times, we did vacation somewhat i always tried yet you can't change the dynamic ofa home with a difficult child in it 100%. it's always there. i havent' felt this cornered in years with a situation. i feel so boxed in. ugh. hate that, i love optoins i can't even change my focus now or have control over where that absurd brain of mine is going regarding this. all i keep thinking is yup i'm losing her, she's a wreck, i'Tourette's Syndrome partially my fault i didnt' get difficult child controlled quick enough and she did partially lose a childhood due to it. how can i forgive me? i guess that's the real question here. sorry i know i'm all over the board this week. yet family isnt' offering anything ya know how they go lol thanks.