Give me the strength...

[totoro]

Ugh.. poor K has been up since??? She crawled into bed with me at 3:30. Could not stop moving, cracked joint... none of our calming techniques worked. husband slept on... which drives me crazy, because therapist says T just get your sleep and let husband handle it!?!?! OK.
SO I have been downstairs with Manic K...
I am sitting here on the floor while we put movies back into the boxes... well while I put them back.
She threw her vitamins across the table, screamed at me, just threw everything off of the couch, because I said no more TV...
Until she could stop screaming at me and get a little control of herself. Just a little. So she started trying to rip electrical cords out, I stopped that right quick. Then she just laid on the floor by the space heater... said it was sad, it was burning her... I told her maybe if she moved away from it it would not be sad??? So she did, it was not sad anymore.
So now she is smashing a little toy of N's, boat with a hammer and balls that you smash the balls into holes. But it is very annoying when she does it....
OMG, I was OK with her up's and down's every day... but the not sleeping... with violence. YUCK
And husband is leaving town for a couple weeks OF COURSE... 2 x before our meeting with this psychiatrist...
I just don't want to put her on anything with out the support of a psychiatrist.


I can do this... she can handle 2 months... she went almost 5 years. Right??

She just told me she feels sick inside... not like she is "sick" but just sick inside....
Poor thing... and I have an apt to change my medications today... I am going to seem so messed up!!! LOL

 

[Jena]

your doing a great job, it can be so hard. you can make it you really can. you aren't so messed up it's frustrating and hard without a doubt.

did you try melatonin for her yet? what's her bedtime ritual like? husband yes i can see how knowing he'll be gone away for 2 weeks could totally unnerve you as well him sleeping through the night while you dealt.

but you did deal and you did a great job.

hugs to you for your incredibly hard night. give k a hug too. it's not easy. hang in there

Jen

 

[Steely]

You can do this!
You can do this!
You can do this!


Sending you buckets, barrels, and boxes of CD cyber strength!!!!
Remember the little engine that could -
OK, maybe not.
Remember Mother Teresa instead.

Big hugs...........and Hang in there. You really can do this.

 

[SRL]

Ugh...what a night!

Would your husband's work always require him to travel or could you move to the community that would significantly cut down on travel so you don't have to handle this for such long periods?

 

[totoro]

I can do this...
SRL~ yes part of the move to Tucson is because he would be closer to his partners... which would mean an office either in the house... or in town. Very little travel!!! Except to go and check on things once in awhile...
We just have a couple more months to go!!! But the waiting... and I start a new MS tonight. SO we all know how that can go. I am titrating VERY SLOWLY.
I don't mind having Bipolar Disorder... but sometimes, when husband is gone, you know?
Between my medications, K being out of control.
My therapist is telling me I need more sleep... LOL

But K did make it to School... sometimes these kids amaze me!!!
But she will be ready to fall apart by the time she is done and home from school.
Thanks !!!

 

[flutterbee]

So sorry, T. Sending hugs and tons of strength.

(((hugs)))

 

[Steely]

Just out of annoying personal curiosity...........what medication did you start? Hope K is not such a handful tonight - maybe she will have worn herself out? haha.

 

[totoro]

None of your business!!!
HA HA Just kidding...
Actually it is Lamictal... I start tonight... I am backing off of Topamax... I will give the Lamictal a try. It is funny K was on Lamictal and Topamax also!!!
I am on Trazadone as well, at night.
Then if this does not work... we go for something else or an add on... YEAH!!!

 

[susiestar]

Totoro,

You handle all of this with humor, patience and grace that I find incredibly inspiring.

I am so very sorry she is manic and violence. I hated it when my difficult child said he felt sick inside. He actually told me once there was a black hole in him trying to **** him into it. He was afraid he would never get out. I felt so very bad for him.

I feel so sorry that K is so amazingly aware of things, that she feels sick inside, etc.... I know it is good to have smart, self-aware kids, but geez, if she was a bit less self aware it might be easier on her? Can't she even get a little break? Poor baby.

Poor totoro. Put in the totoro movie, snuggle down and relax.

Make the houswork a LAST priority. When K is at school NAP, don't clean. It is far more important to keep K safe than to clean anything. Dinners can be frozen, or very simple.

Sending hugs and more barrels of cyber strength, as well as a spare set of rhino skin armor!

Susie

 

[totoro]

Thank you!!!! Susie... I don't even think I can watch Totoro right now... it makes me cry... I want my own Totoro... I want my own Catbus... to whisk us all away... I am supposed to be the girls Totoro and at times I don't feel strong enough... I know it is about hope and life... and dreams... Today I don't feel it. I will tomorrow... I will be back to her Totoro Mommy in the morning....

 

[Wiped Out]

(((((hugs)))))

 

[Shari]

Hang in there. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. If nothing else, it is a NEW day...