God give me strength

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by JKF, Jun 24, 2013.

  1. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    So here we are in Myrtle Beach. Trying to have fun but it's not going well at all. The resort is not what we expected. It's very crowded and loud. We're fun people but this place is nuts!!

    Also, my easy child/difficult child and husband sometimes clash and it happened big time today. It's definitely more on my husband's part. At home he works a LOT and doesn't understand how to deal with easy child/difficult child on a nonstop daily basis so it's hard for him right now with us all thrown together. My husband is his stepdad and he's really trying to be a good one but it's hard for him sometimes. I get it. I really do but it's frustrating for me because I'm the one who gets stuck in the middle.

    Tonight easy child/difficult child was acting up and complaining about EVERYTHING! Nonstop. He's bored, he's hungry, he wants, wants, wants. I'm used to handling that kind of behavior but husband snapped. We all pretty much ended up in tears and were *this close* to packing up and leaving for home.

    I feel like husband sometimes resents easy child/difficult child and has a very hard time relating to him. My husband is a kind hardworking man but he is struggling in his role as a stepfather. It makes me sad because I love him and I love my son and all I wanted was for us to all have fun away as a family instead of the constant struggles we deal with at home.

    I see happy families everywhere I look and I'm sad. husband is sad. I know we're a strong enough couple to get through this but I hate the process.

    We just talked and he's going to take easy child/difficult child out fishing tomorrow and talk man to man with him. He loves my son and wants to work on having a better relationship with him and I know he will try.

    Anyway - just a sad tired vent while sitting here on the balcony and watching the ocean. I hope there are better days to come. Now and always.
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, that's so hard, especially when you are on vacation. We all have these fantasies about what a "vacation" is and it doesn't always work out that way.
    I remember one of the first times we took out difficult child to the beach, at the Outer Banks. We stayed at a condo and he was about 8 or 9. Complain, complain, complain. Unpack the car, feel the heat rise from the blacktop, struggle up the rickety old wooden stairs with-luggage, complain, complain, complain ... get into the condo, open the curtains and door and WOW! Crashing waves, beach, sunshine, like a universe of its own on "the other side." difficult child made a suitably happy comment ("Wow" or "Cool" or "Awesome") and we did pretty well through the rest of the trip.
    I don't know what it is with-our g'sfg and why they are always complaining. The transition, the sensory overload, the changes, I don't know. I guess they're just out of their comfort zones. with-my difficult child, I have had to tell him, "You complain one more time and I take away your XYZ." Or no dessert. Whatever.
    I just don't want to hear it. I'm not making peace. You. Will. Be. Quiet.
    After he got over being grumpy, and realized we meant it, he was better.
    I hope tomorrow goes better.
    And I hope you can enjoy the beautiful scenery despite everything. Myrtle Beach is gorgeous. Maybe tomorrow, all the loud people will go home. :)
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Through my years of just being alive and talking to people about their families, I get very suspicious when people look too "good." Lots of people put on acts that they are having a great time when they're not. Don't try to second guess everyone else. Just focus on yourself and your family. Even a total easy child can get very bored on a family vacation without his friends around. He is at THAT age. He is also at that age where sometimes they are gloomy just to be gloomy.

    Try to enjoy the beauty of your surroundings and tune out the nastiness. (((Hugs)))
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Hon, when you see those "happy families" you need to remind yourself that they are happy at that moment in time. There is not a family on this planet who does not experience troubles of one sort or another, who don't have times when they are not happy. Appearances can be deceptive.

    I hope the rest of the trip goes smoother and more relaxed so you can all have fun.

  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    JFK...where are you in MB? Sure wish I had known you were heading down I would have loved to have seen you heading in. Give me a heads up as to when you are heading home and maybe I can meet you. Can be done...maybe.

    I might be able to give you some ideas for cool places to see while you are there that might be fun for you guys that are more up your alley. Tell me what your son likes and I can think of things. I dont know which resort you are staying at but this is a pretty busy week down there with it being the first week of summer.
  6. Dixies_fire

    Dixies_fire Member

    Hubs struggles with being step dad to tk, tk never let's him forget he isn't her dad. She sometimes
    Eggs on the situation with his mental health because she doesn't get it and that is no fun and out of everything makes me feel like giving up the most. It isn't her fault it isn't really his fault it just is.

    Every now and then I see tk asking for things from hubs, asking for help, and honestly he will drop everything to help her when she talks to him and doesn't demand but asks.

    This step father thing is an awkward gig. On tv and the movies they make it out like its so not a big deal anymore but it is and it takes work and making memories and creating warmth in their relationship and you can't do that for him (your hubs) he has to make that effort. In his mind the fact he is a hard worker and supports everyone is enough but that doesn't really mean much to kids.

    I also agree that difficult child's don't react to things like vacations and fun time the way WE think they should. Tk complains when we go to the park or the splash pad even though she eventually has a great time she would prefer to sit in front of her computer at times then actively engage in fun with the family.