Going "Home" Again

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Hound dog, Aug 9, 2012.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    It's been 15 yrs. The last time I stepped foot in my hometown was for my paternal grandfather's funeral. I would have moved heaven and earth to have been there, which is sort of an odd thing to say for a person I was able to see very few times growing up, certainly not enough times over the years.

    It's only taken my mom about 8 yrs to guilt me into it. I don't guilt easily, obviously. LOL It wouldn't have worked this time except she used the pretext of legal issues I need to help her with. I of course don't buy it because coming on a weekend is just fine and dandy and banks and lawyers don't work on sat generally.

    I suppose that makes me a bad daughter. Oh, well. The people I cared for in that city are all gone now, except my mom. My bros.....while I don't hate them, I could probably live the rest of my life without seeing them and it not bother me. Same for my sisters (but they live out of state now too). Once I got tired of the one-sided relationship effort (all mine) I gave up years ago and just went on with my own life. Now they are older, they seem to want to be close. Can't say it does much for me at this point. I'm sort of like ehh, you make the effort now and we'll see where it goes.

    Shoot, the city in a huge way isn't even the same city I grew up in. The city counsel have destroyed it over the years. Once we get into city limits I'll have to stick to one street because at least that one via friends who still live there I know they haven't messed with it and it will take me nearly to my mom's house, which I have to find via an aunt's house (because aunt has ALWAYS lived in that house). I knew very few street names growing up. I navigate mainly via landmarks (I also never get lost).....but those land marks are nearly all gone now. Sadly the city has been in the death throes that had started when husband and I moved here (back to his hometown of Dayton) it's only gotten worse over time. The officials are only making it worse driving more people away while trying to entice a more upper income population which is comical (and will utterly fail) when the city has nothing to offer them except an extremely high unemployment rate, extreme crime and murder rate ect.

    Over the past year I've been collecting photos of the city I remember as well as how it was even before then. It's a very good thing I started to do that as those things are all gone. I just found out they're gutting my HS, but I guess I should be stunned they're at least not going to tear this one down.

    My mom couldn't / can't understand that it makes me grieve when I come home and it's not the city I recall in my mind, when it doesn't even somewhat resemble that city. It's like I'm coming to a foreign place, certainly not coming "home" again. It makes me sad and depressed. At my grandfather's funeral I told husband I'd never go back again until Mom's funeral. (I'm trying to get her to move over here so I can avoid it then)

    Nichole and I are leaving before dawn on Sat morning and taking every rural highway known to man to get there. Neither she nor I will drive an interstate (especially through a major city). It's an 8 hr trip. (gawd I hate that trip) Timing is everything I suppose. Saturday is Mom's birthday. But events just happened to play out that way and we're taking advantage of the opportunity while it's there. School starts monday. The trip with Nichole will be full of laughs. But I'm dreading it, I don't want to go "home" again.

    I will take her to see my maternal grandmother's grave and my cousin Darin's grave as I'd like to see them myself, most likely my aunt Janet's grave as she'll be next to Darin. I'll be spending the time I'm there working hard to convince Mom to move here. Probably won't work, but I'll try. She is having more and more memory issues and it's triggering the paranoia making it rear it's ugly head. I'll also try to take advantage of the short time I'll be there to see some of the places that held good memories that they are planning to tear down within this year.

    Never knew a city could be "raped" until I saw what they did to this one. Raped and gutted, left a hallow shell. What percentage of the population remains either can't move or won't move hoping that some miracle comes along and wipes out the powers that be and stops the madness:sigh:

    We leave sat morning and head home sunday afternoon/evening. Wish I could say I was excited about it. But then I'd be lying.
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Uuughhhh. I can definitely understand your reluctance!!!

    Question though, why is it you and Nichole don't want to use major interstates? What did I miss?
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I don't do major interstates because of claustrophobia. It's not my driving, it's theirs.....too many cars too much to watch at once too many morons out to kill themselves, too close too keep the anxiety in check. I can barely ride in a car (easy child would argue I can't ) that is on a major interstate. Been that way since I was very small, has not improved with age or living in Dayton for some 15 plus yrs.

    Nichole.......is probably a similar issue. Maybe not so much claustrophobia though. And she does do a bit of it around there where she at least knows where she's going. But not much for the same reasons.

    easy child is a more aggressive driver and it doesn't bother her at all.

    Both Nichole and I can manage on normal interstates as long as we don't have to navigate major cities and there are 2 we can't avoid on interstate, Cincy and Indy. Uh, no. Rural is better if we want to make it there and back alive. LOL

    Nichole has already mapped it out. It only adds 15 mins to the trip.
  4. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I have to kind of laugh... When I moved to Tulsa with XH, I got a major rearrangement in the way I thought of traffic. Dayton & Cincinnati are SO laid back compared to Tulsa, on the Broken Arrow Expressway at rush hour. That pretty much cured me of my problems with freeways.

    You see - in 1997 I was on I-675 south in a sleetstorm and was run off the road and hit the concrete barrier. I slid down it but it caught the car's bumper. If the concrete hadn't suddently changed to metal and yanked the bumper back down, we'd have gone over onto I-75 south. Rush hour. Bad weather. Uhhhhh. I could not drive on interstates for months and busy roads in any inclement weather for a couple years.

    Then... Tulsa. I got over myself!!! But then - I have never had fears about others except perhaps being rear-ended. So it's hardly comparable.

    For about 30 seconds I was trying to figure out why Cincy, then remembered where you live and where Nichole moved to LOL. Normally from my place I'd just take I-70... But that would be out of the way for you.
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Oh, I hate Cincy anyway. I actually loath that city. lol

    I think Nichole will eventually come around as she grows more confident, she doesn't have many of my issues. I've always had this issue but to a much much lesser degree, post Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) it is through the roof and nothing makes it better, not even medications. I couldn't drive interstate through a major city because my brain would shut down due to both anxiety and too much stimuli and that would not be a good thing lemme tell you.

    easy child and and I drove up school supplies for the Rez where their Uncle Guy was collecting them.........we took I 75 and omg.....easy child who is not normally bothered was ready to toss me right out of the car. I was either jumping out of my skin, or shutting my eyes, tensed up to the max, holding my breath, clenched jawed......just to endure it without causing an accident. And I know that route like the back of my hand. If someone ever feels the need to torture me, that would be the perfect way.

    Needless to say, I grew up in a rural city in the friggin middle of nowhere in central Illinois. There are no inner city interstates type thing. My first exposure was when we went to Kansas for sis's wedding when I was 17........(what a mess that city is/was) I didn't see any of Kansas city, I spent the time going through the city on the floor of the car. No joke. Chicago/St Louis via school bus? Same thing with years of teasing to follow.

    It's like bumper cars on steroids. :rofl:

    I can laugh right now, I'm no where near either a major city or an interstate at this moment. LOL
  6. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    LOL - ok, I'm starting to understand.

    I-10 in El Paso was like 5 lanes each direction, so I grew up with a superhuge interstate. But it was the only interstate till you got near the airport, where US 54 crossed it. That was IT. (I think... I haven't driven in El Paso in 12 years... Last time I was actually there, in 2005, Mom drove & we left the airport & went to New Mexico... And we moved to Ohio when I was 14, so...)

    But I can see how I-75 would cause heart palpitations... I hate it (and I-70 as well). I take I-675 to get to my parents', if I were coming to see you I'd take US 35. And even I-675 is bad!
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I learned to drive on interstates and they never bothered me. Now I would rather drive on them than inner city roads that are all clogged up with going home from work traffic. However, I dont like interstates that are right around Difficult Child or Houston. Difficult Child is clogged for hours at a time and Houston is nothing but bridges and I have a thing about bridges.