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<blockquote data-quote="Feeling Sad" data-source="post: 669057" data-attributes="member: 19245"><p>I love your last line....similar to the serenity poem. You write so beautifully, Leafy.</p><p></p><p>Your name is so perfect, Leafy. You are there with your mother, enjoying the precious first turning of the leaves. From gteen, to bolder yellow, to brighter orange, and lastly...brave red.</p><p></p><p>You, too, Leafy, are becoming more and more brave. You do not know the future, but now, right now, you are able to be there for your mom.</p><p></p><p>I have lost both if my parents. Life is full of beautiful things...and some truly difficult things.</p><p></p><p>Life roles are reversed. They raised you and guided you. Now it is your turn. You are being with her in the moment. The precious moment frozen in your memories...then another...and then another.</p><p></p><p>Your are giving her the best gift possible now. Your pressence. Your love. Your help.</p><p></p><p>I think that Cedar's notebook is a great idea. </p><p></p><p></p><p>You are your mom's advocate. Know the staff. As the staff changes know them. I was always put in charge of things.</p><p></p><p>But, more important than anything is listening to your mother and easing any fears. Let her talk to you and you can be the go between. Sometimes, the hospital prefers one family member. But then that person could write it in the journal and call the others.</p><p></p><p>My mother was very, very vague in her wishes for the end. She just had stated in her power of attorney, my job, that she didn't want us to give up on her too soon or keep her around suffering too long. I think it sad at least 4 doctors have to state there is no chance.</p><p></p><p>I was exhausted. There was no place to lie down. It was my 7th day in a row. There was one couch. A poor woman was resting on it whose husband had had a stoke and was not responding. I found a deserted storage room down the hall, but, I thought, if I climb into one of the unused beds to rest, the nurses will not know where to find me.</p><p></p><p>I had sent my poor brother home to get some sleep. It was 3 AM. The doctor came to me and said that I have 2 minutes to decide to incubate, or not. I was all alone. He said that in 2 minutes she would die. I told him to incubate.</p><p></p><p>Just one doctor had talked to me. Then, sadly she went through several days of suffering. She finally passed, but a nurse said, "I am sure glad you aren't my daughter".</p><p></p><p>I did my best. I felt badly for years. But, I finally found peace. I "spoke" to my mother as if she could hear...who knows. A feeling of warmth passed over me. She knew that I tried my best, alone and with only 2 minutes to decide.</p><p></p><p>With my father, I was ready. He stated no 'extraordinary measures'. My father started to have his kidneys give out. He was very ill and 88. He had pneumonia and half of his face was paralyzed due to shingles.</p><p></p><p>My brother said to give him surgery for a port for dialysis. His doctor asked me privately, what is your brother thinking? I had him talk to him privately. My brother said to me that he guessed he had a higher value of life than myself. I fought him. It was an 'extraordinary measure'. He would probably not live through the procedure. My father did not want this.</p><p></p><p>This continued to happen with my brother several times. I fought privately for my father each time. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever done, but his wishes were net. Having to fight my brother to meet my father's last wishes was horrible. But, I did for my father.</p><p></p><p>Again, I made sure each step was as pain free as possible. He did not know that he was dying. He got a small fraction of a teaspoon of ice cream. He had the biggest smile on his face. I made sure that he had enough adivan and morphine to be comfortable. I held his hand and talked to him. He smiled and passed away.</p><p></p><p>It is my intention to not depress you. But, make very sure that you have read her wishes and know who is in charge. I wish that I had asked my mom more questions. It was very difficult. A nurse told me that there is never a good time for someone to die. But, be there with her. Your pressence will give her strength and comfort.</p><p></p><p>Also, my mother's hospital had no Bibles. A night before my mother passed, my brother and I wanted to comfort her. My brother ran out to the car to get his. He was locked out of the hospital because it was late and after hours. My poor mother had to silently listen to me butcher the Scriptures. I tried to say her favorites. Hopefully, I was not causing her more distress.</p><p></p><p>Pictures and drawings are a great idea. With my father, my second son made a CD of his favorite songs. He loved 76 Trombones. He played the trumpet in school. His quartet played out front of the movie theater in Santa Barbara every Saturday morning and then got to see the movie for free in the 30's. He just smiled and smiled.</p><p></p><p>God's Peace, my dear friend. Be in the precious moment for your mother. All of our thoughts and prayers are with you. You do not know what the future holds. Be prepared. It really is important.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Feeling Sad, post: 669057, member: 19245"] I love your last line....similar to the serenity poem. You write so beautifully, Leafy. Your name is so perfect, Leafy. You are there with your mother, enjoying the precious first turning of the leaves. From gteen, to bolder yellow, to brighter orange, and lastly...brave red. You, too, Leafy, are becoming more and more brave. You do not know the future, but now, right now, you are able to be there for your mom. I have lost both if my parents. Life is full of beautiful things...and some truly difficult things. Life roles are reversed. They raised you and guided you. Now it is your turn. You are being with her in the moment. The precious moment frozen in your memories...then another...and then another. Your are giving her the best gift possible now. Your pressence. Your love. Your help. I think that Cedar's notebook is a great idea. You are your mom's advocate. Know the staff. As the staff changes know them. I was always put in charge of things. But, more important than anything is listening to your mother and easing any fears. Let her talk to you and you can be the go between. Sometimes, the hospital prefers one family member. But then that person could write it in the journal and call the others. My mother was very, very vague in her wishes for the end. She just had stated in her power of attorney, my job, that she didn't want us to give up on her too soon or keep her around suffering too long. I think it sad at least 4 doctors have to state there is no chance. I was exhausted. There was no place to lie down. It was my 7th day in a row. There was one couch. A poor woman was resting on it whose husband had had a stoke and was not responding. I found a deserted storage room down the hall, but, I thought, if I climb into one of the unused beds to rest, the nurses will not know where to find me. I had sent my poor brother home to get some sleep. It was 3 AM. The doctor came to me and said that I have 2 minutes to decide to incubate, or not. I was all alone. He said that in 2 minutes she would die. I told him to incubate. Just one doctor had talked to me. Then, sadly she went through several days of suffering. She finally passed, but a nurse said, "I am sure glad you aren't my daughter". I did my best. I felt badly for years. But, I finally found peace. I "spoke" to my mother as if she could hear...who knows. A feeling of warmth passed over me. She knew that I tried my best, alone and with only 2 minutes to decide. With my father, I was ready. He stated no 'extraordinary measures'. My father started to have his kidneys give out. He was very ill and 88. He had pneumonia and half of his face was paralyzed due to shingles. My brother said to give him surgery for a port for dialysis. His doctor asked me privately, what is your brother thinking? I had him talk to him privately. My brother said to me that he guessed he had a higher value of life than myself. I fought him. It was an 'extraordinary measure'. He would probably not live through the procedure. My father did not want this. This continued to happen with my brother several times. I fought privately for my father each time. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever done, but his wishes were net. Having to fight my brother to meet my father's last wishes was horrible. But, I did for my father. Again, I made sure each step was as pain free as possible. He did not know that he was dying. He got a small fraction of a teaspoon of ice cream. He had the biggest smile on his face. I made sure that he had enough adivan and morphine to be comfortable. I held his hand and talked to him. He smiled and passed away. It is my intention to not depress you. But, make very sure that you have read her wishes and know who is in charge. I wish that I had asked my mom more questions. It was very difficult. A nurse told me that there is never a good time for someone to die. But, be there with her. Your pressence will give her strength and comfort. Also, my mother's hospital had no Bibles. A night before my mother passed, my brother and I wanted to comfort her. My brother ran out to the car to get his. He was locked out of the hospital because it was late and after hours. My poor mother had to silently listen to me butcher the Scriptures. I tried to say her favorites. Hopefully, I was not causing her more distress. Pictures and drawings are a great idea. With my father, my second son made a CD of his favorite songs. He loved 76 Trombones. He played the trumpet in school. His quartet played out front of the movie theater in Santa Barbara every Saturday morning and then got to see the movie for free in the 30's. He just smiled and smiled. God's Peace, my dear friend. Be in the precious moment for your mother. All of our thoughts and prayers are with you. You do not know what the future holds. Be prepared. It really is important. [/QUOTE]
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