Going in circles

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Dec 18, 2009.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    As some might recall, I couldn't get Department of Juvenile Justice and PO on the same track to agree to let difficult child released early to take the job in HI. Not that I got the job, but the only I reason I didn't was because I was behind on bills, that I could have done something about if I'd known difficult child could go with me and I wouldn't have to pay to come back and get him. OK. Fine.

    Wed., PO acts like it's no big deal then says "so, you've decided to just settle in then and stick it out and stay here?" And the way he was looking and sounding, it came across to me like that was his goal all along. I told him "no, my house is probably going to be foreclosed on so I seriously doubt we will be able to stay here." Then it goes like this:

    PO: You're kidding- where will you be going?
    Me: I don't know
    PO: Do you have a job?
    Me: No
    PO: What's your plan?
    Me: I have no plan other than revolve things around difficult child's release so maybe I can make a plan.
    PO: (smiling) Good- when is difficult child's release date?
    Me: I have no idea.
    PO: That must be frustrating; you would think Department of Juvenile Justice would be discussing that by now.

    Never mind that Department of Juvenile Justice tried to coordinate things with him but said he couldn't/wouldn't commit to anything-- and that the people in this county did not want to ""let difficult child go"- not like they didn't want difficult child released but they didn't want him off their radar. PO also asked if I was still going to family therapy with difficult child and I told him no, because everyone had an opinion on how a kid should be raised and therapist's opinion is different than those in the county and I can't please everyone. He said therapist had sent him an email and difficult child would not be required to have ordered counseling- he would only need to meet whatever parole requirements he (PO) set in place (and what would those be???) and have a mentor. Then he tells me I could leave and "just let him know when I find out where I'm going to be". He never brought up my letter I'd given him in Oct. listing my concerns and never addressed a single one of them. This is so typical of them in our CSU- they have to be in control but don't do anything, discuss anything, tell you what you are going to be dealing with, when, etc., and won't commit to anything. It makes me nuts and my attitude continously gets worse toward them.

    I'm trying to work it to be in this house until difficult child's release- assuming I find out when that is within a month- then they can forget me telling them 3 months ahead of time where we are moving. PO is **** about that- there is NO way every parent of a juvenile parolee CAN tell them three months in advance an address and so forth when they have to move.

    Then, difficult child calls last night- he's sick again but still in the regular unit so having to go to sd with it. Anyway, he had his progress meeting on Tuees and they asked him why he had not requested to have his discharge meeting yet and told him that they were waiting on me to tell them he could come home before they scheduled his release date. Say what??? I could barely understand him because he was so congested and we had a bad phone connection so we'll talk about it at visitation. But I don't understand them saying that to him- 1) I already tried to get them to coordinate the date with me, 2) they know I didn't get the job- I told the CM myself at a visitation one day, 3) if they needed some info from me, why didn't they pick up the phone and ask? difficult child says now he has to wait until right before next month's progress meeting to request a discharge meeting- then it will take a couple of weeks after that to actually have that meeting, then if it's approved they get the paperwork ready and it has to be received by me, PO, and mainstream sd at least 30 days prior to the discharge date. At least that is what we've been told- so why didn't they tell difficult child weeks ago if he had to request a discharge meeting in order to have one scheduled? I thought since they set the date that the CM scheduled it automatically when appropriate.

    On a better note- I called the sd there to check on his grades because they had dropped in 2 classes a few weeks ago. I guess difficult child pulled them back up pretty well- in 7 classes he has above a 90 and in Spanish he has an 83. I said I can't complain about that!
    Last edited: Dec 18, 2009
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    At the visitation ask difficult child if he is the only one who needs to requestt the discharge or if there is any paperwork for you. Perhaps they are trying to have him take responsibility for this important step. Hope he is feeling better. DDD
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I can understand that- but if he is eligible for release in Feb and can only request this right before a progress meeting (once a month), then couldn't they have brought it up before this progress meeting on Tues. instead of AT the meeting? (That just put him back a month, if he's correct.)