The day that I have been dreading is here. We have our appointment at 3:00 today with the juvenile intake officer. Honestly, I don't know if we are going to follow through. Over the past 2 weeks, our son has not smoked (that I know of), has done all of his chores that he is asked to do, and is showing many other signs that he is trying to make amends. I know if we carry through on this appointment., his hate and anger towards us will only get worse. We had a long conversation last night where he calmly shared with me that I am the source of all of his problems. That he is fine everywhere else but being in our home makes him beyond miserable. That his whole life, I have been trying to "fix him" and take him to therapists and have made him feel confused about what is wrong with him. That he needs to smoke to survive being in our home. That I am the one that makes him feel so bad that he wants to take his life. I am so confused and torn up. I have been the mom that has been here for him, his entire life. He has been in Scouts, travel baseball, swimming, you name it. I have advocated for him at school, when he has struggled. I have tried to emphasize his strengths and not make him feel badly for things he struggles with. Yet, I am also the one who is the bad guy and takes away his phone when he breaks the rules. And I am the one who catches him with marijuana and am the one who has to carry through the consequences. I am the one who makes sure he is where he says he is going to be and not breaking the law. He has had many therapists, both male and female and none have helped. He says he will never go to another therapist. I am so tired of being beaten down and insulted by him. The emotional abuse is taking a huge toll on me. Last night I felt like my heart was breaking in pieces when he told me how much he hates me. This is not new. He has said this for at least the past 18 months. I realize that teens will say mean things to their parents, but the extent to which he describes his hate is awful. Its not just in anger. When he in anger, he breaks things that matter to me. Family portraits smashed on the floor, dishes, my glasses, my phone. Calls me horrible names. Insults me about my appearance, my career choice, you name it. And when he is not angry, he calmly shares how much he hates me. My husband says I should stop being upset when he tells me these things and just move forward. So I feel ALONE. And I fake to everyone around me including my other children, that I am fine. Going about my day, like all is well. When inside I feel so sick and sad and terrified. For sure I am being emotionally abused and if were a spouse treating me this way, I would leave in a hot second. Yet, you can't leave a minor child.