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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 650509" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>This is what the site we have all created does for each of us: It teaches us it is possible to survive this, and to love our difficult child kids with clarity and intent and purpose. </p><p></p><p>I am grateful for that. I love reading everyone's comments, and I take away how to keep going through it ~ how to hold faith with myself that I will not be cold or mean or closed down or self-righteously angry at the end of it.</p><p></p><p>Just lately, as I have been letting go of guilt and responsibility for what is happening, I am finding a sense of ~ I don't know how to describe it. Worminess at the core of it all is part of it. But the thing that concerns me is that I feel maybe a twinge of disgust at it, now.</p><p></p><p>Not that I will heal it or hold myself and all of us in compassion or any of the acceptable emotions I might usually feel...just that sharp twinge of disgust.</p><p></p><p>Like a toothache twinge.</p><p></p><p>It's pretty scary.</p><p></p><p>That is not how I want to come through this.</p><p></p><p>I read the posts here about lack of empathy with my heart in my mouth.</p><p></p><p>And that little "ping", that little twinge of disgust.</p><p></p><p>This is something new, someone I don't want to be.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 650509, member: 17461"] This is what the site we have all created does for each of us: It teaches us it is possible to survive this, and to love our difficult child kids with clarity and intent and purpose. I am grateful for that. I love reading everyone's comments, and I take away how to keep going through it ~ how to hold faith with myself that I will not be cold or mean or closed down or self-righteously angry at the end of it. Just lately, as I have been letting go of guilt and responsibility for what is happening, I am finding a sense of ~ I don't know how to describe it. Worminess at the core of it all is part of it. But the thing that concerns me is that I feel maybe a twinge of disgust at it, now. Not that I will heal it or hold myself and all of us in compassion or any of the acceptable emotions I might usually feel...just that sharp twinge of disgust. Like a toothache twinge. It's pretty scary. That is not how I want to come through this. I read the posts here about lack of empathy with my heart in my mouth. And that little "ping", that little twinge of disgust. This is something new, someone I don't want to be. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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