Good and bad

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Wiped Out, Jan 19, 2009.

  1. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    For those who read my post yesterday about easy child being so mean to difficult child, maybe, just maybe, my talk with her helped a bit. I know it was only one day
    but she was absolutely wonderful with him today. Played with him, cleaned his room, etc... (she did have her moments but none of the truly nasty stuff with him. Don't know how long it will last but I'll take it.

    That was the good! The bad was difficult child's afternoon and evening. When the in-home person was here he was as rude as could be. She is helping husband and I set up a level system and he was flipping her off, calling her names, flipping husband and I off. Grrrr. He lost all Wii for two days.

    Then, when it was time to take his late afternoon medications, it was like he snapped. He was asked to quickly take his medications and put a bowl in the dishwasher. easy child got up and took care of her business after we told them both the t.v. would go off if their things weren't taken care of. She tried to get him to.

    Finally, we shut off the t.v. He still wouldn't take his medications or put his bowl away. I was making homemade tortillas and he started sticking his fingers (dirty) in the tortilla flour and also tried to steal some of the dough. He wouldn't stop so finally we told him he wouldn't be eating the tortillas with us at dinner.

    He still wouldn't take the medications and then tried to steal potatoes as husband was peeling them. We warned him to stop and told him no potatoes for dinner either. Fried potatoes and homemade tortillas are his favorite. He pushed me and ended up on stop the world.

    Finally he took his medications. He was very upset and took a steak knife and started stabbing the plastic covering on my calendar. When I asked him to stop he refused so I went to get the knife. He threatened me with it but didn't do anything and I did have to forecibly take it.

    He tried stealing the tortillas and potatoes. husband had to stop him by physically moving him.

    difficult child would alternate between being upset and thinking everything was hysterically funny. At one point he wa telling how much he hated us all except for easy child (what a switch from yesterday) and that we were not to call him by his first name because he was nothing. The "I hate you" part is normal the being down on himself is not.

    easy child really pitched in and took him upstairs, read to him til he fell asleep.

    This weekend when he was at respite, we had forgotten to include his Topamax, wish the respite provider had called us and we would have run it over, instead of telling us when we picked him up. I don't if this could have anything to do with it or if he was just being a major pita. Sometimes it is hard to know what is mental health related and what isn't!
    Thanks for listening to all of this, it was just a horrible end to our weekend. I know husband is feeling physically sick from all of this and we're all upset. I did, however, make sure I thanked easy child for all her help today, so did husband. I also played some Wii with her which I think she enjoyed.
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    That good is very very good! It really is wonderful to see our kids have positive relationships. easy child really turned it around didn't she? WOW!

    And for the bad, I so hope that was the lack of medications talking. I hope a good night's sleep will also help (everyone).
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am glad easy child turned her behavior around. Sometimes we all have days where we are just very mad at someone. Seems like she was very angry at difficult child.

    I am so sorry that difficult child was so difficult tonight. The bit where he stabbed the calendar with the knife and you had to take the knife from him forcibly was scary to read about. I am sure it was even scarier to live through.

    Sending gently hugs to all of you. I hope that he changes his behavior by tomorrow. Otherwise I don't know what I would do if I were you.

    I WOULD continue to reward easy child. It can't be easy to have a difficult child sibling. I think the turn around in behavior is one reason we call them easy child's.

    Gentle hugs to you and husband and easy child.

  4. jannie

    jannie trying to survive....

    What an awful way to end the weekend....I'm sure missing the medications had something to do with it. It was so nice to hear the easy child was really trying to make the situation better for everyone. Make sure she gets plenty of praise...
  5. Janna

    Janna New Member

    Well, if nothing else, it's good that easy child is really trying. I'm with Jannie, make sure she gets plenty of praise, maybe even something small (a trip to the store, a little trinket, something) to thank her for her compliance. It's gotta be hard for her. I know my two have really gone through the wringer with D. It's hard enough for us parents - never mind a kid to deal with it.

    I have to wonder if the respite didn't hurt. I know it's important for you and it's needed, but, I know, too, that change with a difficult child is always rough. Transitions for Dylan are terrible. We've been offered respite, but I've always declined, because the rules here are the rules - and when you put a difficult child into another house with a whole different set of rules, it's just different - especially respite, it can be fun, then they come back. Eek. I can't even send D to his dad's anymore. If it's not the same structure with the same rules, he comes home and takes forever to get back on track. Everything goes whack.

    Also, I have to wonder if the in home woman setting up your new system isn't causing him anxiety. He is going to test, as would any child, difficult child or not. Heck, we put in a new point system here, and J tried to test me LOL! Didn't work, but it was a rough couple of days getting it implemented.

    I'm sorry your day was so bad. Hopefully with him getting back to school and back to routine things get easier.
  6. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    I agree with Susie that the incident with the steak knife is scary!!! Hopefully, it is a result of not taking the Topamax, along with the change in routine over the weekend, plus the the in-house person helping you set up a level system.

    difficult child 2 doesn't handle any changes to his schedule well either. Even something fun, like seeing a movie, will be enough to cause a major "tantrum" when he gets home.

    Please be careful. Your difficult child's level of violence worries me. Thinking of you and hoping today is a better day.... Hugs.... WFEN
  7. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    I find it so shocking how when one child is settled the other acts out. It's how it is in our house. There never seems a time when both seem to be on an even keel.

    I'm sorry how stressed husband and you must be.
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Way to go, easy child!

    So sorry about your difficult child. He was really full of himself. I HATE days like that. been there done that.

    I know how emotionally exhausting it is.

    I hope today is better.
  9. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thanks everyone! It was back to work and school today so that helped some. Unfortunately, it didn't help difficult child's mood much. When he arrived at my school, he wanted to play on the computer but there was no time. He was furious. Started calling me a B, was rude to a friend of mine (who thank goodness works with kids like him all the time-still embarrassing), pushed a table at me, and knocked over some chairs.

    My friend asked if I wanted her to stay because she could see him escalating. I told her it was o.k. she could leave and that we were headed to the parking lot where husband was picking him up.

    He justs seems so wound up these days!-Argh!
  10. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I think it is scary for our friends to witness threatening behavior from our difficult children against us. Last Spring I had a confrontation with difficult child during recess on the school playground. I knew he was angry but I did feel safe. I was trying to get him off the playground and away from the other kids. I stood between him and the other kids to try to shelter him from what I was sure was their stares. Another mom, a friend of mine who was helping with recess duty later told me that it looked like difficult child was going to hit me. His behavior really scared many of the other moms but like you and others on this board, I have a tendency to look past the anger of my difficult child and look at the heart. We see our child angry or hurting and/or frustrated in that moment. They are looking for a way out without loosing face or they are "stuck" in their mood at the moment. No one knows your difficult child better than you do so what appears as threatening to others, you have learned to manage. You know for the most part what to expect. Yes, I know there is always the chance of the unexpected but I am sure you know where I am coming from - easier to feel than to explain.

    Always be aware of the possible danger of an angry difficult child and continue to work it out with the love you have in your heart.

    You are doing a great job - what a very hard one you have but you have learned so much.

    Stay strong and stay sure. Your difficult child is hearing your strength even if he doesn't show it.
  11. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    Sounds like difficult child is escalating once again. Hormones???? Growth spurt??? Wondering if medication adjustment is needed.

    Late winter tends to be the hardest for the tweedles ~ the excitement of the holidays is over; not much to look forward to (in their minds) ; too much cabin fever.

    (((hugs))) to you this morning.
  12. ML

    ML Guest

    I hope today things swing back to an even keel. I can see why easy child is a easy child, she really hung in there. We all have bad days though, that's for sure.

    by the way I'd love your tortilla recipe!
  13. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Guess I should clarify what I mean by homemade tortillas. I buy the flour tortilla mix that you just have to add water to and follow the directions on the package. My mother in law and sister in law used to make the true homemade ones from scratch, now they use the package mix and that's what they told me to use. I get my mix at a local Hispanic grocery store. mother in law and sister in law get theirs at Walmart for much less money. Of course, our Walmart doesn't carry the mix!

    The rolling out is the hard part. I don't even try for perfect circles when rolling them out-I'll never figure out how mother in law and sister in law do that. Most important though they taste good. I have to admit I've become a tortilla snob-I don't like the store bought ones but will use them in a pinch.