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Family of Origin
Good article on how to stop being family scapegoat...Confused, Cedar, you may like it too.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 653706" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I will read your post in a sec, Cedar. I'm sure it is full of helpful insight. First I wanted to post this short article about protecting yourself if you are being scapegoated.</p><p></p><p>One thing they say is to disconnect with ANYONE who is in touch with your haters. Well...I'm not willing to go NC with 91 year old dad. At his age...yes, I have heard of haters disconnecting from 85 year old parents...but I just don't have the heart to do it. Are you trying to help them die? Why didn't you do it twenty years ago.</p><p></p><p>Yes, Dad reminds of of abusers each time I talk to him, although he is very good about not talking about them or mentioning their names, as I have asked him not to. But he still reminds me of them. I can't help it...he is their father too. But he has been trying really hard to do his best lately after we had a few long talks in which I feel he really listened. I am so grateful that he gave me his ear. Only my grandmother did that before him.</p><p></p><p>Once he is gone, we have no mutual ties and I can do it completely. I really have no reason to ever see them after that. I know. It will cut off a lot of their fun, but they will have to find another scapegoat. Maybe they'll turn on one another. After all, one of them has once been brutal to the other in the past. Either way, I don't want to know.</p><p></p><p>Cedar, you may find this interesting. One of the speakers on YouTube (forgot which one, can look it up) who gave a speech about scapegoating said that nobody really "hates" anyone. "Hate" merely is pain and anger combined. I don't think he is qualified to define "hate", but I liked his definition. I don't hate anybody. I just want them gone from me. And on the occasions I feel the strong emotion that is called "hate" is IS due to the person having hurt me and angered me at the same time. I think "hurt" is more prominent, at least for me.</p><p></p><p>Here's the link:</p><p></p><p><a href="http://cryingoutforjustice.com/2014/03/21/family-scapegoating-part-2/" target="_blank">http://cryingoutforjustice.com/2014/03/21/family-scapegoating-part-2/</a></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 653706, member: 1550"] I will read your post in a sec, Cedar. I'm sure it is full of helpful insight. First I wanted to post this short article about protecting yourself if you are being scapegoated. One thing they say is to disconnect with ANYONE who is in touch with your haters. Well...I'm not willing to go NC with 91 year old dad. At his age...yes, I have heard of haters disconnecting from 85 year old parents...but I just don't have the heart to do it. Are you trying to help them die? Why didn't you do it twenty years ago. Yes, Dad reminds of of abusers each time I talk to him, although he is very good about not talking about them or mentioning their names, as I have asked him not to. But he still reminds me of them. I can't help it...he is their father too. But he has been trying really hard to do his best lately after we had a few long talks in which I feel he really listened. I am so grateful that he gave me his ear. Only my grandmother did that before him. Once he is gone, we have no mutual ties and I can do it completely. I really have no reason to ever see them after that. I know. It will cut off a lot of their fun, but they will have to find another scapegoat. Maybe they'll turn on one another. After all, one of them has once been brutal to the other in the past. Either way, I don't want to know. Cedar, you may find this interesting. One of the speakers on YouTube (forgot which one, can look it up) who gave a speech about scapegoating said that nobody really "hates" anyone. "Hate" merely is pain and anger combined. I don't think he is qualified to define "hate", but I liked his definition. I don't hate anybody. I just want them gone from me. And on the occasions I feel the strong emotion that is called "hate" is IS due to the person having hurt me and angered me at the same time. I think "hurt" is more prominent, at least for me. Here's the link: [URL]http://cryingoutforjustice.com/2014/03/21/family-scapegoating-part-2/[/URL] [/QUOTE]
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Family of Origin
Good article on how to stop being family scapegoat...Confused, Cedar, you may like it too.
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