Good luck and many happy thoughts ur way!!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Confused, Feb 26, 2013.

  1. Confused

    Confused Guest

    I wish you all the best and pray things look up for all of you. Glad in some cases here it has. You all have been wonderful and I cant thank you all enough, but it seems I have wasted all your alls time. Im not looking for pitty, just telling ya all whats up.

    Update... my son started biting himself again.. sometimes he goes to bed and gets up but most of the time he doesn't.. it can take over two hours to get up and going. He can take up to three hours do do a few words and put it in alphabet order.. his grades are 50's in some cases, some-days are good at school, some-days are bad with mainly talking..not finishing work...still doesnt want to pick up anything after himself..his way or highway. This morning is yet another morning he refused to get up so this now makes 9 days of missing school in total.. with only 4 with him being really sick. I have taken away all electroncis, outside, going anywhere except he can go to school and dr.s if needed. No play dates.. no sports nothing and he still doesnt want to listen. I am still having issues with my daughter but not like him. So, I boiled it down to what the dr said. Its ALL MY FAULT. I mean, their half brothers who live with their mom are nothing like my two, escp my son. So, I was taking some to half of the blame before, but now, I see its me. I have same rules as her, but mine it doesnt work.. I copied everything of her parenting skills, nope. I changed them a lil, added the kids in on punishments and rewards what they thought etc etc. Nothing. I wanted to help u all so badly and give some great advice, but I have never been able too because I lack knowledge.

    My plan is to provide for them and love them, meanwhile ending up in jail because here we land a fine and jail time for kids refusal for school. At this rate their father will say he can handle them better and probably will win custody. :( When they have kids hopefully they will come to me and tell me what else I could of done different and hopefully they will figure out how much I love them.

    Anyways, lots o hugs to all
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending you caring hugs. Parenting is, in my humble opinion, REALLY hard and I guarantee you there were many times when I really didn't know if I could meet the challenges. My children turned out fairly well but I never did meet my expectations. It sounds like you tried to use another Mom as a role model. Although that can be helpful each of us has different personalities and different needs. There really is not one way to parent.

    I'm sorry you are in such a negative space right now. Have you reached out for help? Sometimes the school counseling department can help, sometimes their are parenting classes, sometimes you can get someone to come into your home and access and guide you, sometimes the children need individual therapy, sometimes family therapy can get you over the hump. I hope you explore all avenues. by the way, some CD members have actually called the schools and law enforcement to force their children to get to school in order to avoid problems. I'll keep you in my prayers. DDD
  3. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    Confused, I am sorry you are feeling badly. All of it sucks. I think in difficult child's thinking we probably will never do enough, or there will be some blame to fall in our laps whether we really feel it belongs there are not. difficult child's tend to blame everyone but themselves. We can only do the best that we can do, and usually our best is way over the top of what parents of children with less difficult child tendacies or issues. The human mind can only take so much!!! hang in there and no that we are here whenever you want to chat, you can even pm me if you want. Don't isolate yourself even further when your down. Reach out more. I wouldn't have made it thru a lot of things I have gone thru without the people on this board. Many hugs, and hang in there.
  4. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Confused, listen to me, it is not your fault, it is nobody's fault. Some kids are simply wired in a different way and that wiring causes them to act in ways that we don't understand. But taking responsibility for all of this will only give your children more opportunity to manipulate you through your guilt. Stop that line of thinking right now. Comparing our children to ANYONE else is an exercise in not only futility but it opens the door for us to feel like failures when in reality, other parents are just not dealing with what we are dealing with here on this board.

    You need support, not only for yourself, but for your kids. This is not my area of expertise, but your son appears to have some issues which require evaluation. Perhaps your daughter too. I've read over and over on this board how parents have to keep on trying to find answers to their kids issues and often blame themselves, only to find out down the road that the child required all kinds of help, medication, special education, an entire village of people to help.

    You sound overwhelmed and that would be easy to get to with two difficult young children and little support. Find someone to listen to you, a therapist, counselor, friend, clergy, someone who cares about you and can support you and what you need. Throw that guilt overboard and get support for yourself and your kids too. Others here know how to get the help for your kids, medical, psychological, educational, all of it. Ask other parents, talk to the school, get yourself some help. Take a deep breath and be kind to yourself. Gentle hugs coming your way right now...........
  5. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    Gosh, I'm glad I spotted your post. You need help for your family. You need someone to listen and who does not go into the blame game. Maybe start with the school counselor. He or she might have connection outside of school. How can anyone turn you down if you walk to them and simply say "I need help with my family".
    Don't give up on yourself or your children. Speak up and find someone to listen to you. Anyone.
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Confused. please come back. We are here for you. You are soooo overwhelmed and I COMPLETELY understand. I have felt exactly the same way.
    And I was wrong. It is not all my fault.
    difficult child's always blame us. They blame everyone, but mostly us.
    It's just easier for them, and they don't get it.

    Please, please make a counseling appointment. Send your kids to a friend's house just for one night. IGNORE what the rest of the family is saying. YOU are in charge, not other people. That doesn't mean you know everything, just that you are the mom. People are always armchair quarterbacking. Sometimes I think certain people are put on this planet just to p*ss us off, and you've got too many people like that in your life.

    Have yourself a good cry, soak in the tub, sleep, sleep, sleep, and then choose just one thing to tackle with-your difficult child. Don't do it all at once. It is too overwhelming.

  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I hope this doesn't mean you are giving up, at least not giving up on YOU. Please be good to yourself and keep us posted.
  8. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Most times I don't expect great-this-is-going-to-fix-everything advice. I need someone to listen to me vent and offer sympathy. And you can do that.

    You are valued here.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Are you there?