good morning friends; i think i'm in denial.....

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Jena, Feb 17, 2008.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member

    hi to all

    it's beautiful out here in new york. sunny and actually seems to be warm.

    so i've noticed something that ofcourse i had to

    i think i'm in denial over little difficult child. only conclusion i can come to regarding my attitude towards her, and what's going on with her.

    i like most of us have gone to many different pyschdoc's for 2nd and 3rd opinions which is normal i;'m guessing. yet i think i'm in denial. i always thought denial was when one didnt' do anything hence didn't believe there was a problem.

    i'm realizing i keep looking for signs now that she's off yet another medication to see hey can she be off medication's totally? can she handle her world without them?? can I be a better more patient parent and be able to tolerate the swings and the oppositional behavior at the simplist no???

    i mean she went from birth till almost 8 with no medications'.

    i think family and ex husband's (not sure how to abbreviate that one) lol listening to them sways my thoughts alot. i listen to my mom say i just don't get it she's great here. i listen to ex say i just don't get it she's great with me.

    my response to them is have her duringa time in which there is no pressure no time or routine in place to keep. she's able to eat what she wants, do what she wants go to sleep when she wants and she functions better in that atmosphere. yet real life is routines, and schedules, and responsiblity even for a difficult child of 8. tests in school, h.w. etc.

    she does fair alot better with-no pressure whatsoever. and she is able to control her rages i guess they are the anger thing with other family members when a no is thrown out. which confuses me.

    so with all that being said i think i am in denial. watching her this weekend with no sleep for most part even though drugged her last night opened my eyes yet again to the ongoing problem. strange thing is she's making tons of friends this past few days in school in this state she's in.

    she hasn't really connected with anyone when thsi all hit in november. now she's talking it up with everyone. still won't eat lunch in lunchroom becuase she's afraid people are looking at her, or eat snack people are looking at her. that isn't cool needs food for that little body.

    anyway i'm getting off topic as i usually do. so i'm working through this mental block i seem to have regarding her. i think once i work through it i will be much more effective in assisting her with this. i'm doign best i can right now i have as i said always turned every stone over so to speak regarding diagnosis's.

    i mentioned it to my pysch last week in session. i said i have this mental block. then she said "does it upset you your daughter has a mental illness?" wooo those words hit me like a ton of bricks. then she said the standard "how did that make you feel?" dont' ya just love it when they say that?? lol

    anyway if anyone else has this denial state going on i'd love to hear how you made it thru the block? as i said and many of you know i am a full time advocate for little difficult child regarding getting proper diagnosis and stuff. yet i'd love to truly be able to accept this instead of doubting it and myself as of late.

    thanks for letting me ramble yet again on a sunday a.m. :)
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hey, Jen. You're not
    I have to warn you against diagnosing her yourself though. Let her have her neuropsychologist exam before you decide she has this or that. My son never slept, but he is not bipolar, he's on the autism spectrum. However your daughter does seem like she may be cycling. Still...wait.
    You're a good mom. Lots of parents are in much worse denial. And don't listen to your mom or girlfriends. Listen to your own private mom gut. You don't need to share everything you do with them. As for ex, he's a loser, isn't he? He probably has his own undiagnosed mental illness. Who cares what he thinks?
  3. Jena

    Jena New Member

    ok yes he's a bit of a loser in my eyes........hence the divorce!! lol

    i had called him after going to doctor for myself friday and said listen i've got pnuemonnia do you think we can swap up weekends? don't want her around me sick like this and i could def. use some rest. his response nope.

    yea it's only me who can look within not mr. shut the lights on and off 20 times.......

    na my families out of their minds. hands down. yes have to shut the voices off in my

    families family to me plain and simple. yet my families a little on the twisted side shall we say i'm sure like many

    they disowned us or rather me this past summer for moving in with boyfriend when i lost my apt. due to slick moving of overspending for docs and cutting back hours to be home with her. so when they did it affected little difficult child so badly. they refused to invite us for christmas as long as i was bringing boyfriend (which they met once and loved by the way), they refused to call our home to say hi to kids it was a horror show many a night i spent crying over it and driving boyfriend insane. then i adjusted so did kids by november then suddenly prior to christmas they sent me a nasty email and i responded with here's the deal by cutting your ties with-me you have hurt your grandchildren. so i think it's a purely adolescent move on both your parts i could care less what you think of me yet hurting them is unacceptable unless you turn it around and quick you are both dead to me. i also added you should be thanking boyfriend for putting roof over girls head and i, i didnt' see anyone else in family offering shelter or support.

    so for xmas boyfriend and i piled 5 kids in both our trucks and drove out to my loving family for xmas for kids sake not mine.

    so now i love them from a distance mind you. i'm there for them when they need me but keep a safe distance so they can't hurt us again.

    yea your right gotta not listen to anyone else i know her best. i guess all those sleepless nights catch up to you and you start second guessing yourself.

    still in denial but working thru it.

    Jen :)
  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Hugs to you, and you're not alone. I second guess myself all the time, because no one but me and hubby see her behaving like demon child. Her father thinks I'm overreacting, my mother thinks I'm mean and abusive. Even though my mommy gut knows that she has a problem, I still wonder how much of it is because I divorced her father? Or did I work too many hours? Is it because I remarried? Or am I just a horrible mom who should never have had a child? Or is the truth that my daughter has ADHD, ODD, anger management issues, and no brakes, and this is simply something we need to learn to deal with? I don't have an answer...I wish I knew what was the right thing to do.
  5. Jena

    Jena New Member


    i think the right thing to do is just to continue on trusting our guts and searching for an answer and not getting caught up in the negative thought processes that occur from time to time .........

    good luck to you as well

  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I've been there done that. Actually, not even that long ago. lol When Nichole was diagnosed as a diabetetic. I snapped out of it, though, however I still wonder how much the blood sugar issue effects the bipolar. (I'm betting quite a bit)

    As far as difficult child not needing medications til a certain age, there are disorders that tend to emerge at certain stages in life. (not for everyone per se, but in general) And our lives change as we age, there are more demands on us socially, emotionally, physically, and acedemically. These normal stresses can make behavior that probably was there to a minor degree before much more pronounced.

    A good response to both exdh and your Mom when they tell you they never see her behavior there, " Well, good. Then I must be doing something right."

    It's common for difficult children to save their gfgdom for the homefront. Both mine did. Nichole's behavior didn't begin to slip outside of the home until Jr High when with adolecense and raging hormones made it much more difficult to control.

    Besides, I don't think it's denial to want your child to get well. I think it's normal. Just as long as you're not poking your head in the sand I wouldn't worry about it.

  7. dizzymum

    dizzymum Sarah

    Well hello! As far as I am concerned, we all have an open ticket to denial. Along the way you can visit guilt, responsibility, despair, self doubt, more guilt, loss of direction, confusion and exhaustion. It is not always an attractive journey but is aided with frequent stops in cake shops, a layer of lip gloss, good friends and standing on top of a hill during a storm just so you can " fight another force". If we didn't care, it wouldn't hurt.:peaceful: It comes and goes like the tide. Sending you warm scented hugs.
  8. Jena

    Jena New Member

    wow so true and great writing by the way

    thanks for the thoughts

  9. sandman3

    sandman3 New Member

    Oh, dizzymum!

    Can you please talk to my "family" with your amazing wisdom??!! Or better yet, may I quote you?? they could sure use a dose of that!
  10. dizzymum

    dizzymum Sarah

    Help yourself Sandman :laughing:

    If you can drum it in to your family, perhaps you can have a chat with mine!! LOL. Better still, when I am in the eye of the storm myself, remind me!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  11. Jena

    Jena New Member

    yes can you please tape record that and i'll play it back to my family and exdh as well..........."i must be doing something right then". thats kinda cool. i'm def. going to use that.

    they'll be so surprised i'm not defensive with any luck maybe that will shut them down.
    that would be good, soooo good two yeras and counting of their denial.