Good news and bad news for young difficult child in prison...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by lovemysons, May 8, 2012.

  1. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Hi all,
    Been such a long while...husband is a computer engineer Mr Fix it all and yet when my computer harddrive crashed it then took forever for him to get around to replace/downloading software, etc to get me up and running again, lol.
    But I'm SO GLAD to be back!

    First...Baby Jordyn (daughter in law and young difficult child's third child) will be born a week from today...May 15th by c-section. I will be in the delivery room with daughter in law this time in lieu of young difficult child being in prison. I am so excited...this will be my 4th grandchild. Oldest difficult child and his wife are expecting their second daughter 3rd week of May. I will not likely attend oldest difficult child's baby's birth as they don't want much to do with me. Oldest difficult child has made it clear that he does not want my mental illness issues (Bipolar) "crazy" around his daughters. Plus I go to the casino and smoke...triple whammy! I'm so bad, lol.

    Anyway....First the good news. The "Reckless Child Endangerment" charge for young difficult child hitting the windshield of daughter in law's car with his fist last summer, got dismissed! We are so very glad about that...However, it was that arrest that lead to "braking probation" and resulted in him going to prison.
    So literally, he is now in prison for spitting at police...As that was the reason he was on probation to begin with.

    The bad news...Young difficult child got into a fight last week in prison. Apparently he had given 2 soups to another inmate that did not return the favor. When young difficult child confronted the person (of another race) a fight ensued. I cannot believe he would fight over very sad. Wish young difficult child would get some self control as this is costing him.
    He will not be able to see Me, daughter in law, or his new baby for at least a month...He also can no longer make phone calls to daughter in law for a month.

    daughter in law and I did go visit young difficult child in prison 2 weekends ago. He was pale and has put on alittle weight (which he needed) but otherwise looked good. He did talk of some of the other inmates and why they are in there. He explained that he is in a 50 man pod, that he does not watch much TV, that he is a janitor there. He seemed to be glad that he was inside working rather than outside. Though he did say that they don't have air conditioning in the prison and I know it will be hot as hades this summer!

    Not sure when his first parole board hearing will be...daughter in law thought it was going to happen several weeks ago but then it did not...maybe in the next few weeks. Young difficult child had been really looking forward to the hearing but now that he's gotten into this fight and has been written up I don't know how that will affect his chances for early release. As you all may recall he's been sentenced to 3yrs in prison.

    I had hoped that without alcohol or pain medications young difficult child would have a clear head and be thinking before acting...but he still has some things to learn apparently.

    Life here at home is good. Celebrated easy child's 20th birthday early (this past Sunday) as easy child's birthday is May 10th and she is in her second yr of college til end of next week. 3 A's and a B. Not bad for our easy child...I am so very proud of her.

    Have missed you all.
  2. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    From all of the 20ish males I know and have known most react before they think. My sister works at our local prison and they have raised the AC temps due to the economy. I don't think it's a good idea, it seems the heat would only make them more irritable.
    A bowling scholarship WOW!
    Congrats on the new babies!
  3. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Thank you for the update. Sorry about your boys bad decision-another tough lesson for him. I am glad to hear how well you are doing with the grands and your positive outlook-share some with me please (I am just negative right now).
  4. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Impulse control is definitely a factor for young difficult child...sadly, with or without his drug of choice.
    I so agree that it seems raising prison temps would make the inmates more irritable...but either way they Have to learn how to control their tempers etc.
    Thank you for the congrats. I am definitely a blessed grandma!

    If I could transfer my outlook to you I certainly would. Honestly, I have made a decision that whatever my sons do now or down the road...I will not let it take my life away from me anymore. Did that for so many years.
    And...Since I have Bipolar Disorder I take Abilify and It has made a World of difference as far as my highs and lows go. It is even difficult to cry when crying is appropriate and what is called for!
    Have you talked to your Dr to see if maybe an antidepressant might work for you? It could boost your mood and help with a more positive outlook?

  5. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    You know-My best friend mentioned that to me and she is anti-medication. I think my boots have been on backward for so long and I have tried so hard to be upright that my body and mind are plumb worn out. I took the day off today to get a psychiatric appointment for difficult child and go to community college orientation with her. I think I'll find a new family counselor as well (ours is not on our new insurance and we decided to take a break after 4 years-not a good decision in hind sight). I will get medications. if that is what is needed. Despite my best efforts, dealing with this very extreme Borderline (BPD) daughter, a tough group of kids at school, and my husband who is years behind me in his acceptance of difficult children issues, I am worn out.

    All the same, good for you and I do draw inspiration from all of you here!
  6. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Interestingly enough, when I was on Lexapro, I had a much higher physical pain tolerance as well as emotional...well, for me high/mania as I didn't know then that I have Bipolar Disorder and the antidepressants ended up making me manic. But anyway, I am glad to hear you are looking into the matter for yourself. Sounds like it is needed.

    Well...I'm wrong again.
    Apparently, young difficult child did NOT get contact visits and phone priveledges taken away after the fight between he and another inmate over soup, sigh. He only got one "good day" taken away and 90 days with no commisary. He was able to make a phone call to daughter in law yesterday and tell her of this. He also said he had been moved to another pod and was happy with the change. Soooo, looks like daughter in law and I will go visit young difficult child and show him his new baby daughter in a few weeks.
    Forgot to mention, after the birth on Tuesday, I will be bringing my 2 other grandbabies home with me to watch them for a few days while daughter in law is in the hospital recouping.

    I am excited but also already feel worn out from the idea of coming home with the other 2 grandbabies for a few days. They wear me out, LOL, and most of the time I only have them for hours at a time not several days.
    We'll survive.

  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Quite an update! Thank you.
    So sorry about the lack of impulse control. I think that's 99% of the crimes we all see, anyway.
    Ugh--no AC all summer? I can just imagine the BO in a 50-man pod.

    Welcome, Baby Jordyn!
  8. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Oh Thank you Terry...I am SO EXCITED! Only 5 1/2 hours to go til I am in the operating room with Daughter-in-law while she has baby Jordyn C-Section. I wish young difficult child were here to greet his 3rd baby into the world, sigh.

    Cannot sleep. My mother is coming to pick me up and take me to the hospital. husband will be along this afternoon and after baby Jordyn is born I will be bringing my other two grandchildren home with me for the next few days while daughter in law recoups in the hospital.

    I will give an update as soon as I can.
    Thanks for caring.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    IS she here? Is she here yet? :flirtysmile3:
  10. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Smile...Yes Terry, she is here...and she is JUST beautiful.

    I sat on a stool to the left side of daughter in law in the operating room...Holding her hand caressing her forehead while the curtain sheilded us from her belly and all that the Dr.s were doing. Must say I have a WHOLE new found respect for C-Section mom's. I thought natural childbirth (which I had with all 3) was MUCH less traumatic than what daughter in law went through yesterday.

    Baby Jordyn weighed in at 6lbs. 15oz. She is just as pretty as she can be.

    I feel like I am the one who went through the birth experience, lol, I am simply exhausted from yesterday and then bringing home my 2 1/2 granddaughter and 4 1/2 yr old grandson. They are a Handful to say the least...No idea how I managed 3 yrs ago OR how daughter in law will after she brings Jordyn home.

    Well...I need just a few more moments of time to myself this am before the grands wake up. Think I'll play some bridge.

    Hope you all have a great day.
    ...PS No word from young difficult child. He has no idea how his new little girl is yet. I need to write him as he can't call daughter in law for several days or til she gets home from hospital (daughter in law has lan line and I have cell so I cannot receive calls from young difficult child only daughter in law can).
  11. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    LMS: Congratulations on the birth of your new granddaughter! That is so wonderful that you were able to be in the delivery room with your daughter in law! I hope that your beautiful granddaughter will bring you many times of joy, and that you will be able to help your grandchildren as they grow up. You deserve much peace and happiness in your life! (Well, maybe you will get the peace after the other little ones leave your house!)

    Many HUGS to you....
  12. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    WEll well well, Grandma Tammy! Congratulations! If she looks anything like you, she must be very beautiful!!

    Isn't it an amazing experience, being present at a baby's birth! I have experienced it only once, and it made me feel very very close to my daughter-in-law, and also to that grandson. What a miracle it is. And now she is pregnant again and has said once again that she would like me to be there with her.

    I am so sorry about your young difficult child. It sounds good that he has been moved to another pod, and I hope he gets along better there. He is lucky to have you caring about him.

    Enjoy being a grandma. I hope you cope OK with these two little ones.

    Love, Esther
  13. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Thank you SO MUCH for the congrats and the hugs...You're a sweety.
    I had the other 2 grandbabies til 4pm yesterday and suspect it will take a few days for me to recoup after taking care of them for several days.
    I so wish that I really could help the grandbabies... I just know that I sent them home to a daily life of chaos. Here, they were up by 7am, Fed by 8am, walk down street or to the park between 11 and noon, Nap or lay down between noon and 2pm, dinner at 5pm, bath at 7pm, bed between 8 and 10pm.
    Sigh...but daughter in law will let the kids be up all hours of the night and they have absolutely no structured schedule...drives me crazy. I don't know how she will manage with 3 of them after her mom goes back to work in a week.
    I even suggested she put a high lock that she can slide back and forth on her bedroom door at her mom' that when she leaves the baby in the bedroom for a minute she doesn't have to worry about what other two grandchildren may be doing...particularly 2 1/2 yr old granddaughter who is VERY excited about the new baby.
    I do plan to go over to her mom's and see her a couple of times a week and take the older two for a walk or to the park or grab a bite to eat so that daughter in law can have some time to herself or with new baby.
    I had NO help when mine were I want to be there as much as possible for daughter in law and the grands.

    Esther! Hi sweety lady.
    Yes, being there in the operating room as baby Jordyn came into the world was an experience I will always cherish. I know daughter in law appreciated me staying there with her while they put her back in place and stitched her up once baby Jordyn was taken out of the operating room.

    Esther, I have no idea what is going on with young difficult child right now. No word from him for over a week now! Of course daughter in law was in the hospital as of Tuesday morning and only got back home to her mom's last night. But, I haven't even received a letter in the mail from him.
    My hope is that I get to Walgreens today and am able to print some pics of baby Jordyn to send to young difficult child.
    I hope he is okay...I think tensions can run very high in prison and fights happen easily (obviously, over dumb stuff like lending two soups out and not getting the favor returned, geez, what a life they lead there in prison!...SIgh)

    I also have ADDITIONAL NEWS too.
    Oldest difficult child and his wife had their second daughter late yesterday afternoon!
    Sadly, I got no phone call from oldest difficult child but husband got a text with a couple of with the baby alone and one with baby, oldest and his wife. No idea what time she was born or what she weighed. No idea for sure, what her name is either.
    The last phone conversation I had with oldest difficult child about a month ago involved me telling him that I thought he had "entitlement issues". As he feels very strongly about the more affluent great grands sharing their wealth etc with him while he is struggling with new family, bills, payments, etc. Yes, he does work extremely hard...but so did husband and I and there is nothing wrong with a few or even several yrs of struggling. It builds character as husband says...Or gives you Attitude, lol, as I say.
    But oldest difficult child thinks he should be living the high and mighty life Right Now. He does not want to work and wait for it like the rest of us. Says..."Why do you want me to have a hard time just because you and dad did"..."Why would you want me to suffer the same", lol...He doesn't get it. So yah, I said I thought he had entitlement issues. And so...No word from him on Mother's Day and now, no word from him to me with the announcement of their new baby yesterday.

    But anyway, I am a grandmother to 5 grandchildren!!!
    I can hardly believe it.
    Esther, when I was little...I watched alot of TV alone (shows with big families or at least mom/dad and a couple of kids) I didn't meet my dad til I was 17 and my mother worked and I came home after school to an empty house. There were even other kids in the neighborhood who could not play with me (back then) because i had no adult supervision.
    I dreamt of having a big family...It is ALL I really ever wanted from life. My mother did the career thing. But that was not what I pictured for myself. I just want brothers, sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, lots of kids, smile.
    SO...NOW I HAVE THE BIG FAMILY, lol, smile. Three children of my own, and 5 grandchildren. Not to shaby for an only lonely child, huh? smile.

    I am truly blessed. Now, just hoping I get to see my newest granddaughter (oldest difficult child's new baby) sometime soon. Hmm?

    Thanks for being here for me and for caring.
    Hugs and love,