Good post about my Dad

[totoro]

I have not heard from him, directly, since May I think!

I know this sounds weird to most people, not to most of you though!

After the, "I will kill you." incident in Mexico... lovely. That was last February. I slowly decreased all e-mails. No phone calls.

He sent N a gift in May, I thanked him. He responded, "Your Welcome." I sent a Thank You for K's gift in July, no reply.

He sent a couple of mass e-mails when my Brother was having a baby shower I think that was in October? He also sent an article about my Brother in a magazine about his restaurant in a mass e-mail in October as well.

That was the last e-mail.

I made it through my Birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas!!!

I am hoping this is it forever. I have made a few comments to the girls about how he sometimes just goes away. How we may never hear from him again. Same with my Brother. That some people are like this.
It isn't bad, but some people like to be alone.
They were OK with this for now. They have only asked about 3 times in a year.

Right or wrong, my kids have enough challenges than his "stuff" being put on them.
They got lucky that they didn't have to hear Grandpa threatening to kill Mommy.
Never again. They only have good memories of that trip, only because husband and I sheltered them from Him...

 

[Shari]

Congrats and here's to a dad free future.

 

[Star*]

Toto,

You know as weird as this is; this being your father. You gave yourself a chance in as much as finding forgiveness for this person where most people would not. I think that is something that you needed to do, you did it, it's done, it didn't work out - oh well; you tried. Lesson learned, no but what if's left to ponder and think for the rest of your life.

As far as exposing N & K to it? Well I guess you could look at it two ways. On one side here are your children whom you would never expose to anything harmful because you had a lifetime of harmful and in your mind made a pledge to protect them from all harm. On the other hand I can't see where you've failed in that pledge at all by exposing them to your Dad. He hasn't harmed them - he's actually educated them. Thank him for the education and move on.

See I worried a great deal about Dude going to FL and seeing bio Dad, and my emotions ranged from thinking bio-dad would kill or kidnap Dude to get back at me to hoping bio D had made even some minor changes in his life that could affect Dude in a positive light. Neither happened. What did happen? Dude saw bioslob for what he was, is and will always will be. A big, nothing. In a way I thought it would make me cut flips to be vindicated. It didn't. It wasn't satisfying in the least. What it did do? Made me realize I did the right thing after all the years of wondering. It wiped out my "what if's".

So now your girls have in their little arsenals - a knowledge of certain things that can be used as armor regarding future meetings of people like Grandpa. They have a fantastic Mom and Dad to model themselves after. You don't need to worry that this damaged them (like it did you) they didn't get enough exposure to hurt. He wasn't part of their lives long enough. It hurts you more than it does them. That's the part that makes ME angry. That this man has such a lovely, kind, generous, thoughtful daughter. A phoenix an extraordinary Phoenix.....and I guess if anyone is to be pitied here? It's him. He's lost all the way around hasn't he, and he's still loosing generation after generation.

I love ya girl.....fly!
Hugs
Star

 

[totoro]

Thank you for the words

If I didn't have the Idaho connection I would never have to ever think or worry about the possibility of seeing him. We still have our house up there, my girlfriend called me yesterday and said she heard a rumor that he is up there.
She knows to never talk about me to my Brother. WHo lives up there.
Because he is up there, we had to call my neighbors and tell the guy we have watching our house to call the police if they see his car at our house or if he tries to hatch some story about how we told him he can go to our house.

Last summer he told some lady he met in Mexico who happened to live up Idaho that it would be OK to put her boat at out dock.... luckily our neighbor was aware he is crazy. She called us. We had to call the woman and have it out with her.

So unfortunately we can never be to prepared.

 

[TerryJ2]

Sounds like a bit of fresh air. Very good.
Sorry about the boat. You're right ... you can never be too sure.
Take care.