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Good visit with-difficult child & need advice
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<blockquote data-quote="neednewtechnique" data-source="post: 25652" data-attributes="member: 3527"><p>This puts you in a tough position...I hope this doesn't come across wrong, because I have always maintained that our difficult child's choosing to rage at us IS NOT personal. However, I have always noticed certain changes in our difficult child's behavior, depending on who is present at the time, and also if there is something that she wants. </p><p></p><p>Again, this is NOT personal, but it is one of the mysteries of these behavioral disorders...but consider what happens if you DO go back tomorrow, and not having grandpa with you to lighten things up a bit, and now that he has what he wants from you, he could possibly not be as pleasant. Leaving things on such a good note this time may be a very helpful thing for you and for his treatment, and going in again this weekend and having an argument and him raging at you would certainly make both of you feel worse. </p><p></p><p>Are you allowed phone calls? If you are, my suggestion would be to call your son. If he is in an okay mood on the phone, explain to him that you are torn between coming again in the same weekend and just sending the items with his father, and explain the reasons why on BOTH sides. Obviously, you WANT to see him, but you also don't want to lose the positive contact you had with him at the last visit. See how he reacts. If he is receptive to the idea of dad bringing his things, then I would say it would be okay. If he would rather you bring them, you could try to make a deal with him. For example,tell him you will bring the items he requested, but that he must try very hard to remain calm and positive during the visit, and at the end of the visit you will give him the things he has asked for. If he loses his temper, and rage ensues, the items go home with you and you will bring them so that he can try again next time. </p><p></p><p>Of course there is always the possibility that when you talk to him, he will be in a very oppositional mood and not willing to discuss the option, and there is also the possibility that the suggestion of sending these things with someone else will set him off. If that's the case, then in my opinion, you would be better off to give him his space until next time, even if that means that he has to wait for his things. </p><p></p><p>Just my thoughts, maybe someone else has a better idea???</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="neednewtechnique, post: 25652, member: 3527"] This puts you in a tough position...I hope this doesn't come across wrong, because I have always maintained that our difficult child's choosing to rage at us IS NOT personal. However, I have always noticed certain changes in our difficult child's behavior, depending on who is present at the time, and also if there is something that she wants. Again, this is NOT personal, but it is one of the mysteries of these behavioral disorders...but consider what happens if you DO go back tomorrow, and not having grandpa with you to lighten things up a bit, and now that he has what he wants from you, he could possibly not be as pleasant. Leaving things on such a good note this time may be a very helpful thing for you and for his treatment, and going in again this weekend and having an argument and him raging at you would certainly make both of you feel worse. Are you allowed phone calls? If you are, my suggestion would be to call your son. If he is in an okay mood on the phone, explain to him that you are torn between coming again in the same weekend and just sending the items with his father, and explain the reasons why on BOTH sides. Obviously, you WANT to see him, but you also don't want to lose the positive contact you had with him at the last visit. See how he reacts. If he is receptive to the idea of dad bringing his things, then I would say it would be okay. If he would rather you bring them, you could try to make a deal with him. For example,tell him you will bring the items he requested, but that he must try very hard to remain calm and positive during the visit, and at the end of the visit you will give him the things he has asked for. If he loses his temper, and rage ensues, the items go home with you and you will bring them so that he can try again next time. Of course there is always the possibility that when you talk to him, he will be in a very oppositional mood and not willing to discuss the option, and there is also the possibility that the suggestion of sending these things with someone else will set him off. If that's the case, then in my opinion, you would be better off to give him his space until next time, even if that means that he has to wait for his things. Just my thoughts, maybe someone else has a better idea??? [/QUOTE]
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