Good week with difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by StressedM0mma, Jan 29, 2012.

  1. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    We had a good week this week. She made it to school on time all week. She even did a little bit of homework. (Not much but I am taking what I can get at this point.)
    She had a psychiatrist and therapist appointment., and talked during both. (normally she just sits and refuses to answer.) She even asked the psychiatrist to increase her Celexa because she was still feeling anxious.
    She was somewhat helpful around the house by feeding the dogs and cleaning up after dinner. She even hugged my mom when she left on Thursday to go home. (she NEVER hugs people.) and she genuinely wanted my mom to stay longer.
    Friday night she want to a poetry reading at one of th elocal coffeehouses. This is the first time she has been out with friends in a long time.
    But one of the biggest things is that she has been going to sleep somewhat regularly. I think the latest she was up was 11:30. For her that is wonderful. And last night, she went to sleep around 10:15. ON HER OWN!!! She is finally listening to her body.

    So, why is it that I am sitting here waiting for the other shoe to drop? I look at everything she does with an ulterior motive. That she has to be doing all of this for some other reason. I hate feeling like that, but after everything, I just can't believe that she is wanting to be better. I sit there wondering, if she wakes back up after I go to sleep, and then stays up all night. Is she doing some chores because she wants something? I just have aboslutely no trust in anything she says or does. And, I know she can sense that. And, on one hand, I feel like she will quit trying, but on the other, I am just not ready to be hurt again. And, then I wonder, am I just letting her get away with things because I want her to not have conflict. I hate second guessing every single parenting step I take. It s%^ks. Sigh.
  2. southermama3

    southermama3 New Member

    I think all of us cautiously approach a good week with a "when is the shoe gonna fall" take this week with pride and thank the Lord. It was a great week so for once focus on that and sigh a relief u deserve it and much more doll!

    Lots of love to u both
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    If it's any consolation... I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop... for about six months now.
    At SOME point, I'm going to have to accept that this is the new world...!
  4. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Stressed, it's because you've been programmed to think this way by past behavior. And, like any change, it will take time to adjust. You have also been hopeful before only to be let down so why shouldn't you expect it again. Either way, you're prepared.

    Hmmmm....I wonder.....could it be that it was her illness that was causing a lot of it and now that it's being addressed, SHE is in control again......and your mind still can't wrap itself around that whole foreign concept yet?.....hmmm.
  5. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Wow! IC that is great!! I can not imagine 6 months here. I feel like I am in AA. I am just taking it one day at a time. We start IOP on Thursday. It is 3 day a week 3 hours a day. And, she is actually looking forward to it!? We will also have family therapy once a week during that time. I am somewhat hopeful we can rebound from this.
    I have learned so much from my own therapist on some of difficult child's behaviors and thought patterns. easy child has always been an easygoing girl that never really needed that much discipline, difficult child lots of discipline. easy child had her music which she excels in . difficult child good at lots of things, not great at 1. So, until difficult child started with her horses, she had nothing to be proud of. So, she lashed out at all of us, because she couldn't explain what she was feeling.
    Anyway, I am just not ready to believe that this is going to be the new norm. It may take me until summer time. Or longer.

    One very positive thing I have noticed is that when she is at riding lessons, she listens and takes directions from her instructor without question or argument. Rarely does/did difficult child do that. So, that is a good thing. Even my mom noticed that difficult child listened and did not get angry or lash out at her instructor. Even when the horse was not cooperating, she managed to not be angry or frustrated. I was expecting to have her meltdown or lash out after her lesson Wed. when her horse was so bad, but she got in the car perfectly happy, and not frustrated at all. Said that it was a good learning experience? Where is my difficult child? This cannot be her.
    difficult child has also been begging to get a job. I told her she can try this summer. My husband doesn't think it would be a good idea, but I think I would be great to teach her responsibility, and having to follow someone elses rules without question. Esp. if she works fast food, and the customers get nasty. It will teach her to stay calm and not take everything so personally. So, we will see.
  6. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Trust is something that needs to be earned, not just freely given. If she continues to move along this path, creates a regular sleep routine, takes her medications, goes to school, does homework, helps out around the house, then you will gradually learn to trust her. It's going to take alot of time for her to earn back the trust that she lost.

    I think we've all had times when we were waiting for the other shoe to drop. I hope, both for you and for her, that it doesn't, or that if it does drop it drops softly.
  7. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Trust is something needs to be earned, not just freely given. If she continues to move along this path, takes, her medications, goes to school, keeps herself on a regular sleep routine, helps out at home, treats other with respect, then she will eventually earn back the trust that she lost. It's going to take a long time for that to happen, but it can happen little by little.
  8. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I get the waiting for the other show to drop feelling. Ever since difficult child got home I have had that feeling. I used to never take him to the stores with me as it would always be a meltdown as I could not buy him what he wanted. The first time I took him to the store after he came home? I had to take a klonopin as my anxiety was so bad just thinking about it. He did great! handled the word no just like a pro.

    I hope things stay goof for your difficult child, as then things will be good for you! The right medications cdn do amazing things.
  9. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member

    I know the feeling. What jumps out at me from your posts is how much power your daughter has over your own mental state. We are all affected by our children's issues to be sure, but I have come to learn the hard way that when our whole world revolves around them it isn't healthy for them or us. If you are so inclined you might want to read up on enmeshment.

    Here's for the power of sleep, it does make such a difference in moods. Not to mention the right medications. Glad things are back on track, and we all live fearing the shoe will drop.... You needed some space to regroup. Hope the next week goes well too...
  10. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I'm still looking for the shoes.
  11. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    She has/had a lot of power over my emotions, but I am slowly gaining them back. I am understanding that I have to let her take the responsibility for her own actions and the consequences that occur because of them. I am no longer constantly asking about grades and homework. Her todc said let her fail, and have the consequence of summer school or repeating the class. We are not going to call her in late, or absent if she refuses to go to school. She knows that she can take the detention for being late, and that we will call her in unexcused from school if she does not go. So, the truancy officer will show up and take her in the police car to school. In one sense we are giving her more control, but in another we are taking back control by forcing consequences. I am trying hard to not let her control my behaviors any longer.
  12. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member

    Sounds like you have a good plan in place...I too had to make sure my son knew about the free limousine service to school...(aka truant officer). it is so hard because we don't want them to fail because we know what the consequences are.... letting the consequences happen is so tough sometimes.
  13. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    One morning difficult child was throwing this huge fit, screaming that he wasn't going to school. I tried to get out of him why he was refusing to go. Was something bothering him? Was he concerned about a class? He just kept saying that he didn't like school and didn't think he should have to go. I told him that if he didn't go I would call the attendance office to let them know that it was an unexcused absence and that he would have to pay the consequences for not going. He asked what that would be and I told him that it would probalby be detention.

    Next thing I knew difficult child was flying out the door. Sometimes natural consequences really do work!
  14. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Wow, difficult child is doing better, and that is wonderful..... BUT the best is that YOU are feeling better! I really admire you digging yourself out of such a hard situation like this. Keep up the amazing work. It is inspiring.
  15. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Aww thanks Buddy. I am finding myself in a much more peaceful state, esp. with difficult child not being so volatile in the mornings. We still have a long long way to go, but we are willing to take baby steps to get there. I am very excited to start IOP family sessions. I think it will help us be better parents. We have really learned to pick our battles. I have learned that it is OK for some things to slide. difficult child will fall asleep early, and not get a shower that night. Before I would try to wake her up and we would end up screaming and in total difficult child meltdown mode. Now, I will ask once if she wants to shower, and she almost always says no. I remind myself it doesn't really matter. And, difficult child always makes sure she showers the next evening. This used to drive me crazy, now I look at it like she is asleep, and it is peaceful in the house.
  16. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so glad difficult child had such a great week. I can so relate to waiting for the other shoe to drop. Whenever difficult child has a good stretch I find myself waiting.
    It's been about 2 years since difficult child has had a super violent rage and I still am waiting for the other shoe to drop. He still a lot of posturing and is somewhat (compared to the past) violent. However, I always am on high alert around him. At all times I know where I am in relation to where he is. I still don't trust him.

    I hope this streak continues for your difficult child:)
  17. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Thanks Wiped. It is so hard to explain to people who have not been in our position. I have a feeling that it is going to take me a very long time to trust her. I would like to, but not yet. She worked on her Spanish 2 midterm with husband (he is fluent in Spanish.) And now she is working on a group bio project on her computer (I think). Baby steps. She let husband help her, and she normally won't. And, she didn't freak out over it.
  18. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Buddy - {{HUGS}}

    I've been THERE, too... but not recently.