I am feeling very emotional leaving Portland tonight. I said goodbye to my dad, and I wanted another hug. I prayed I would see him again before he dies. I said goodbye to my mom and prayed I was a good enough daughter to her during this trip. I said goodbye to my sister, whose spirit will forever be here. Her death will be 3 years ago tomorrow. I said goodbye to the moon, whose presence is always so strong here. Especially the day my sister died. I am getting ready to get on a plane and fly back home yet I feel consumed by the magnitude of death, and I am fighting the concept of it swallowing me whole. It feels as if the force of death is as great as the gravitational force of the moon. I know I just have to become numb, heavy, and strong - and I will - as I always do. But the emotions are strong as the tide - and it takes all I have to swim.