Goodbye Portland

[Steely]

I am feeling very emotional leaving Portland tonight.
I said goodbye to my dad, and I wanted another hug. I prayed I would see him again before he dies.
I said goodbye to my mom and prayed I was a good enough daughter to her during this trip.
I said goodbye to my sister, whose spirit will forever be here. Her death will be 3 years ago tomorrow.
I said goodbye to the moon, whose presence is always so strong here. Especially the day my sister died.
I am getting ready to get on a plane and fly back home yet I feel consumed by the magnitude of death, and I am fighting the concept of it swallowing me whole.
It feels as if the force of death is as great as the gravitational force of the moon.
I know I just have to become numb, heavy, and strong - and I will - as I always do.
But the emotions are strong as the tide - and it takes all I have to swim.

 

[HaoZi]

*lots of hugs*

 

[nvts]

Ahhh Steely...death is just a different state of grace. It's not final, it's a beginning. When people pass (I believe), it's just their body that's gone. They're there, they know and they love. Allow them to be there for you and they will be. Have you ever heard of pennies from heaven? Heard a certain song at the most unusual time?

They're there.

Beth

 

[DammitJanet]

Steely...Hugs!

One thing I used to explain to Keyana about my dad dying and it is really helping me too, is that Grandpapa died but he is up in Heaven and that is up there with the stars. I gave her this little blue stuffed bear with 3 little gold stars on it and a photo frame that I glued a moon and stars on and placed the last picture I had of her and my dad in it. I told her that when she looked up in the sky the brightest star she saw was her Grandpapa looking down at her and she could always look at him and know he was still there loving his precious princess. I also told her that every time it snowed that was him sending her little kisses. It was very appropriate that we had two snowfalls so close after his death.

Immediately after I told her that she stood out in the backyard at her other Grandma's house and looked up in the sky and said "Look Grandma's, there is my Grandpapa! He is that pretty bright star right there!!!" We both just fell silent. Even now, she wants to go outside at night at my house and say good night to him before she goes to bed. The week after she got the bear she had to take it to school to show her class.

That has really helped her deal with his death and she is only 4 and a half and some would say she is young and really didnt see him all that often but she did know who he was. She was his first great-grandchild. He did love her so, especially to get a blue-eyed blond baby girl.