Got a Call from difficult child's Friend's Mom...

[DaisyFace]

My biggest worry with difficult child staying at a friend's house....was that she was going to just get 'dropped off' un-announced. If you read my other thread - you know that husband and I want some conditions met, first.

This morning, the phone rang before 9 - friend's Mom was calling to say she was ready to drop difficult child off at any time. Wanted to know if we were done being "angry at difficult child".

I told her that it's not about being angry. We are simply unwilling to tolerate certain behaviors in our home. I told her that difficult child is welcome to come home at any time - she just needs to give her Dad a call and apologize first. Then he will be happy to discuss the rules around here - which difficult child knows because they are the same rules the therapists have been trying to get her to agree to all along.

I also told this woman that any time difficult child wears out her welcome - difficult child has a big family. difficult child can call a family member or another friend if she is not ready to abide by our rules.

Friend's Mom said she understands completely. It was actually a rather nice conversation.

And that was hours ago...

No call from difficult child.

So...we'll see.

 

[klmno]

LOL! It siounds like she was a little more "ready" than difficult child was for this to be over. It's good that you got to potray yourself instead of her just getting difficult child's side of things. I'm glad you threw that in about difficult child having other family members, too, so it's clear you didn't "throw your daughter out on the streets". Maybe this lady will actually try to help difficult child see the other pooint of view here- yours and DHs- whether it's effective or not, it would be nice if difficult child ultimately figures out that she can run to others, but it doesn't take long before those other adults are saying pretty much the same thing you are.

 

[AnnieO]

Sheesh... I hope L's mom isn't ALREADY overwhelmed. And you're right - kid's got a big family, she can go to them.

And you did awesome explaining. It's not about anger - it's about respect.

 

[susiestar]

Why am I not surprised that the mom was ready to send difficult child home???

It is good you had a chance to explain the real story, as opposed to the one that difficult child told her. I wonder when she will start to wonder what difficult child is telling everyone about her that isn't even close to reality?

I hope you can get a few more days of respite.

 

[KTMom91]

I think you explained things very well! Sounds like the other mom has had about enough of difficult child, too.

 

[confuzzled]

just.

LOLOLOLOL.

L's mom is probably a keeper though, if she gets it.

 

[Marguerite]

When I was 14, my family moved over the summer. In the few days before the move, I went to stay with my best friend's family. But I kept stalling about going home. My friend's family were happy to have me, I know, and I was not a difficult child. But I didn't want to be underfoot, and my mother was being especially touchy about the move; they'd been in that house for 20 years, had built that house. I had gone to my friend's place partly to be with my friend but mostly to escape. Mum was being impossible and I felt very much in the way.

After about five days, my friend's mother sat down with me and said, "You are welcome to stay longer, you know that. But I think your mother could use your help now. What do you think about it?" She made it clear that it was my choice, but she also helped me see my mother's point of view. And when I got home, things had reached a point where I COULD help. The move happened over the next week and when it was over, my friend came and stayed on our new farm.

Marg