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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 649269" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>No. You cannot allow her to speak to you this way. I may be hearing this wrong, but if your daughter called and abruptly took power over you the way it sounds, then you have an excellent opportunity to call her on it and stand up for yourself, and for your position as her mother.</p><p></p><p>There is no reason for discussion about anything but her attitude. You do not want this going unchallenged and this attitude spilling over onto the younger sister.</p><p></p><p>Your disrespectful older daughter cannot play power games anymore. She does not live in your house, and does not have the peace of your home to hold over your head. Get her mad, once. It feels great.</p><p></p><p>It does.</p><p></p><p>Scary, and wrong-feeling at first because we are so used to placating and encouraging them.</p><p></p><p>It feels great to stand up for ourselves.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes.</p><p></p><p>Sooner or later, we come to this point. Even I did. And though my son was outraged and put out and threatened to disown me (again), I stuck to my guns.</p><p></p><p>With the help of the site, I saw the abuse for what it was and stood up to it, and it was the best thing I ever did for my relationship to my son. It was good for my son, too. He has a parameter, now. For his own sake, let alone for my sake, I should never have allowed my son to treat his own mother with disrespect. What kind of man (or woman) treats her mother disrespectfully? The kind that does not respect himself.</p><p></p><p>Again, it is not fair or right or simple to face our kids down. It wasn't, for me anyway. I felt so badly about the way everything had turned out, so stupidly responsible. The way difficult child son talked to me was just one more shameful thing that had gone wrong with our family.</p><p></p><p>But at least that one, I was able to fix.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>I know this is all so hard. I have been here forever, and I still post and post when I need to. The difference now is that I whine or roar or stumble around on point, on purpose. With a vengeance. And it isn't pretty or clever or clean sometimes, but I seem to have lost the need for that somewhere along the way. I know with every fiber of my being that I have to get myself standing or we will all go down. Things are better <em>with me.</em> I am seeing my children as strong, responsible people who can, and will, create their lives as they choose.</p><p></p><p>So, that's good.</p><p></p><p>If you had known me when I first got here?</p><p></p><p>Ha! Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), I was such a mess. But here we all are together now, making ourselves and each other strong enough.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you are here with us, too.</p><p></p><p>This is so hard.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>Ha! So, I was reading the post over and got to the part where what I said G A D was turned into Generalized Anxiety Disorder!!!</p><p></p><p>It fits so well that I left it like that.</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/mcsmiley1.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":mcsmiley1:" title="mcsmiley1 :mcsmiley1:" data-shortname=":mcsmiley1:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 649269, member: 17461"] No. You cannot allow her to speak to you this way. I may be hearing this wrong, but if your daughter called and abruptly took power over you the way it sounds, then you have an excellent opportunity to call her on it and stand up for yourself, and for your position as her mother. There is no reason for discussion about anything but her attitude. You do not want this going unchallenged and this attitude spilling over onto the younger sister. Your disrespectful older daughter cannot play power games anymore. She does not live in your house, and does not have the peace of your home to hold over your head. Get her mad, once. It feels great. It does. Scary, and wrong-feeling at first because we are so used to placating and encouraging them. It feels great to stand up for ourselves. Yes. Sooner or later, we come to this point. Even I did. And though my son was outraged and put out and threatened to disown me (again), I stuck to my guns. With the help of the site, I saw the abuse for what it was and stood up to it, and it was the best thing I ever did for my relationship to my son. It was good for my son, too. He has a parameter, now. For his own sake, let alone for my sake, I should never have allowed my son to treat his own mother with disrespect. What kind of man (or woman) treats her mother disrespectfully? The kind that does not respect himself. Again, it is not fair or right or simple to face our kids down. It wasn't, for me anyway. I felt so badly about the way everything had turned out, so stupidly responsible. The way difficult child son talked to me was just one more shameful thing that had gone wrong with our family. But at least that one, I was able to fix. :O) I know this is all so hard. I have been here forever, and I still post and post when I need to. The difference now is that I whine or roar or stumble around on point, on purpose. With a vengeance. And it isn't pretty or clever or clean sometimes, but I seem to have lost the need for that somewhere along the way. I know with every fiber of my being that I have to get myself standing or we will all go down. Things are better [I]with me.[/I] I am seeing my children as strong, responsible people who can, and will, create their lives as they choose. So, that's good. If you had known me when I first got here? Ha! Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), I was such a mess. But here we all are together now, making ourselves and each other strong enough. I am glad you are here with us, too. This is so hard. Cedar Ha! So, I was reading the post over and got to the part where what I said G A D was turned into Generalized Anxiety Disorder!!! It fits so well that I left it like that. :mcsmiley1: [/QUOTE]
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