Got in a fight with supervisor for difficult child's attendance.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Californiablonde, Sep 19, 2013.

  1. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    This year difficult child has a health teacher that has been really concerned over difficult child's non attendance. Today while I was at lunch, she came over to talk to my supervisor about her attendance. Normally my coworker and I split the alphabet by last name. I am in charge of A-L and she takes care of M-Z. My daughter's last name starts with a V, so she is, unfortunately, one of hers. My supervisor looked at my daughter's attendance and saw how many days she has been absent this year. She went to talk to the nurse and ask her if she knew why my daughter was absent so much. Mind you, this is the coworker who is always in my business pretending to be interested in my kids' lives, then will turn mean and nasty in a heartbeat.

    She already knows of difficult child's issues. She knows she has anxiety and ulcers. The nurse told her my daughter isn't sick enough not to be at school, and she instructed my supervisor to change most of my daughter's absences to truancies. As soon as I came back from lunch my coworker told me what she did and why. She then claims I told her that difficult child doesn't have any medical issues and is just flat out refusing to go to school. I never said that! difficult child has been throwing up every morning and feeling sick. She usually feels better later in the day but refusing to try and make it to school. Well now she is inisting my daughter is truant and unless I can provide a doctor's note excusing all of her absences, it will stay that way.

    We see her gastroenteroligst next Tuesday but I don't think she will excuse all of difficult child's absences. She too thinks difficult child can make it to school and is using her ulcers as an excuse not to go. I don't know what to do anymore about this kid. I have taken away all of her privileges when she stays home. She does not have access to her cell phone, the computer, or TV. She is still choosing to skip school and suffer the consequences. The nurse has told me that she doesn't qualify for home teaching. My mom is talking to the head of the Special Education department at the school district to see if they can do something. I honestly don't think she can make it three more years in a school setting. I am tired of arguing and punishing. I hope the district can do something. I am so tired of this battle. This has been a super incredibly stressful week and I don't think I have any fight left in me.
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    JMO here, and I'm not in the US, but... it sure doesn't sound like she is getting FAPE. She's being dumped into a school, and expected to make it work... there is nothing being done (that I am aware of) to actually get to the bottom of her anxiety, actually determine a plan, etc. Is there even a plan that addresses the anxiety? Psychosomatic illness is still illness. The person needs help - it is NOT just an attitude.
  3. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    The plan last year was to have her go to the school psychiatric office when she was having a panic attack. This year she's just flat out refusing to even try and make it. i have a psychiatrist appointment with her next week and maybe he will prescribe something for the anxiety. She never had anxiety issues in the past until about a year ago. As soon as she hit high school she just fell apart. I don't know what else to do for her.
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    psychiatrist should also be the one excusing the absences... need to get that anxiety under control FIRST.
  5. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    If you can't physically make her go to school they need to find a way to help you get it done. That's it.

    They seem to be refusing to see the issue with the anxiety and just want to blame you.
  6. sjexpress

    sjexpress New Member

    My difficult child also suffers from anxiety( among other things) and last year things became overwhelming in school for him due to work load and some other issues that the school refused to correct, and difficult child became school defiant. The school also offered little support when this happened other then "just get him into school", and marked him truant and even reported us to CPS. I ended up having a meeting with our psychiatrist who wrote a long letter to the school explaining difficult child issues and that he needs to be on home tutoring until we pass this crisis. The school had to comply. They also changed the truant marks to absent. difficult child spent the whole 3rd quarter on home tutoring and we did counseling as well as new medications. We also had a 504 meeting and a plan put into place for when difficult child returned to school to help correct some of the problems that led to this situation. difficult child did return to school for the 4th and final quarter of school and did well. This year there were a bunch of changes made to his sched. and type of teachers he received in 8th grade to hopefully help prevent this from happening again. So far, so good....keeping everything crossed!
    Anyway, if you think the gastro. won't write a letter for home schooling due to illness until they can get a better handle on her problems, maybe your psychiatrist can. The schools will only give a few weeks at a time and then you have to get an updated letter from which ever doctor it was from. By the way, about a week after CPS came, the case worker called and said the case was dropped as it was unfounded. She said the school should never have called them since we had already been seeing doctors about difficult child problems and were doing everything we could and the school knew this as it was all on file. CPS also gave us the number of an advocacy agency who helped us fight the school to get the things changed that we wanted for difficult child. Good luck. I definitely feel your pain and stress!
  7. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Well I talked to my supervisor today and she said I can change difficult child's truancies to unexcused absences. If I get a doctor's note then we can change it to excused. At least they are no longer truancies and once I explained to my supervisor that difficult child is having psychiatric problems she was more understanding. I am going to write a letter requesting an IEP to discuss home schooling. Hopefully we can get it. difficult child missed the entire week this week. It was pretty bad last year but never this bad. I don't know what else to do.
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Don't request home schooling... call an IEP meeting to discuss schooling options. If you can, get the therapist, psychiatrist, and whoever else on-side... and get an advocate. Your difficult child deserves a good education. If home or on-line schooling is what comes out of this, then so be it.
  9. Dancerat

    Dancerat Member

    I am a newbie on this board, with a difficult child of my own that is having a failure to launch, but I wanted to write a quick note to say that when I was younger, I had terrible problems in high school, with a huge number of absences, and I eventually dropped out when I was 15. I would like to say that I immediately turned my life around but it took several years. However, in the long run, I eventually figured it out, went to college and now I'm 49 and I make good money, and lead a wonderful life. I think some people just don't deal well with high school. I will read further, but does this high school have something like where the students can go to a community college and earn high school and college credit at the same time?
  10. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    I know it's harder for you because you are a teacher, but, heck, what about online public school? You don't need permission for that or for homeschooling. You can do that if you want to. She isn't learning much now with all that anxiety. That way the school can't bully you or your kid. They have no say over homeschooling that is parent-initiated.

    I thought you were going to do online homeschooling. Am I wrong?
  11. bby31288

    bby31288 Active Member

    Such shard situation. Yes she has the ulcers and anxiety. But she proved over the summer she could handle the ulcer. It's a mix now. Part of it is a game to her. You know she has school anxiety. I do believe there are days she might be not feeling great. But I do believe she is using it to stay home and as an excuse for you. You know this because when you check in after you leave her home she is fine. She is playing you. But each time she stays home she is digging a bigger hole for herself and you.

    How many days has she been absent already? There is still a really long time left. I'm probably not saying anything you don't know.

    Plus you have your supervisor, a new vice principal. Your own anxiety must be high. Please try to take care of you

    so on to difficult child. Do you call her bluff? If I remember the Gastro doctor said last year there was no "ulcer" reason she should miss school. I have multiple ulcers. I take daily medications. It has never caused me to miss work. As fir others I know. Which leaves you with the anxiety. Is age being treated for General Anxiety Disorder? I agree an IEP needs revision to protect her. But she needs to be in school. Home Schooling is ok but then the dumb anxiety wins. How will she learn skills to cope so she can hold a job and have a good productive life when she grows up.

    My difficult child is now 21. She hated school had anxiety. Tried to stay home. I took a stance. Tough love. Forced her to go. Told her tough noodles. You NEED to be there. in my opinion you make her go. If she isn't feeling well she sees the nurse. No fever no home. Make the nurse/school the bad guy. Take the decision off you. 1 no matter how she is feeling, minus an active fever overnight that you confirm, she has to go to school. 2. If the nurse determines she is too sick to be there, she goes home.

    She is going to try her hardest to stay home. Cry. Forcer herself to vomit. Tell you her ulcer hurts. She will try her hardest. But you repeat. Not going to school is not a compromise. She has to go. That's it. She will eventually get that you aren't going to cave in. Stand strong. I'm afraid you will lose your job over this. Or worse you will have to go in front of a judge and explain why you let her stay home.

    I'm really sorry you are in this position. But difficult child knows she has you under her thumb. It's only going to get worse.
  12. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Now difficult child has been very sick since Friday. She didn't eat anything for dinner then threw up repeatedly all night long Friday night. She threw up her Geodon so she didn't sleep at all. She went to her dad's on Saturday and was calling and texting me from my son's phone all day. She was throwing up repeatedly and couldn't even hold down Gatorade. The vomiting stopped yesterday but she still skipped dinner because she felt too sick to eat. More vomiting this morning. My mom tried to get her in to see her gastroenterologist today but the doctor isn't there on Mondays. She has an appointment for tomorrow morning. I emailed the school psychiatric and her case carrier Friday to see about getting an IEP. As far as online school my daughter would never be able to work independently. i leave her at home all day and she would play around on the internet, watch TV, and literally get nothing done. She had one independent study class this summer and me trying to get her to do any of it was incredibly difficult. She barely made it. At our school district they send out a teacher to work one on one with the student for two hours a day. That would work better for difficult child. And as far as making her go to school, I have taken away her cell phone, disabled the computer, and the cable for the TV. She still insists she feels to sick to go to school. She is too big for me to pick her up and put her in the car. I don't know what else to do at this point but keep her at home and get private tutoring.
  13. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    The IEP is the better choice for sure. Good luck. DDD