granddaughter 9yrs


Active Member
I have her for the month. I cant deal with the changing of mind. Yesterday she says i want to go skating tomorrow ok tomarrow comes and no. Same with going to deer farm, going with me to get dogs nails trimmed, going to an arts class. She says either yes or no then hrs later or next day changes and wants to stay home or go. Wtf i had all these fun things planned and she was into them over phone when i told her all the things we can do. I limit the computer cuz she dont have one so games are fun, thinking she will want to go instead of being bored. Cant play outside in phx too hot. I dont luke that flakyness


Well-Known Member
Teri...slow down. She is 9 years old abd what seems great to her tje day before may change the next day. This is common at her age. Shes not flaky. Dont think of her that way. She is nine, very young

I have an adorable grandson from difficult son and he is 9. When i see him, i go day to day and dont take him places if he doesnt want to go, even if I think it would be fun. I let him be his age and they change their minds a lot.

Enjoy your granddaughter. Stay home if she likes. Bake cookies. Take walks. Take her in the yard and let her help you garden if you do that. Let her relax.

I loved my grandma with all my heart. Most of our interaction was cutting paper dolls, making "mish mash" ( she let me put various ingrediants in a bowl and mix it), board games, but most of all she wrapped me in love and made me feel safe in a way nobody else did.

Maybe its time to let go of expectations and just relax yiurself and let her enjoy just being with you. She may not be a homebody and thats okay.


Active Member
My son 31 yrs, wasnt like this, so its different for me. Thats why i wanted to see what 9yrs are these days. Dont want her to go home and not wanna come back becuz she was bored. And i know her parents dont have money to do fun stuff. So i was already to treat her to a fun filled month.
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Well-Known Member
She can have fun just hanging with you. I felt so warm and cozy with my grandma just being with me and giving me attention. I wasnt one to want to go and do. I was hsppy just holding her hand on a walk.

Money doesnt make kids happy. Not all kids are high energy. Your son was probably more hifh strung. Enjoy your time with your granddaughter. Youcan be sooooo special to her and it doesnt take trips to Disney World.

Just pay attention to her and love her!
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pigless in VA

Well-Known Member
The other strategy is that if YOU want to do something, you can tell her "tomorrow we will go to X." Then you go. I remember once that my son didn't want to go to an amusement park. I dragged him along and he had fun. Sometimes kids don't want to do unfamiliar things.

For the most part, I agree with SWOT's strategy. Do fun things around your house that she will like. What about going to a pool? She will love spending time with you no matter what you do.


I support you regarding the video games. Their use should be restricted if she doesn't want to go out. Get her some colouring books or puzzle books or other home activities rather than video games.
Just to talk to her and listen to what she has to say is quality time.


Roll With It
I don't know what her mother is like, but given her father's problems, her life is likely filled with great uncertainty and moments of great fear. It is hard to let go and just be a kid with all that going on, even when you are at Grandma's and everything is taken care of.

I remember when my niece was this age. If asked, she would not agree to go and do anything. It all sounded like fun until time to do it. Then she backed out. She wanted to do it all so badly, but she was afraid to go and have fun. It was being disloyal to her mother, who was miserable with her addiction and did NOT want her daughter to enjoy being with our side of the family.

My mother finally just started saying that we were doing X on this day and all the kids are going. Niece would often end up joining in and having a great time because she would feel safe enough with us to do so.

I think you can do this with your granddaughter. Don't pack every single day, but pick a few of the fun things and just say that today we are doing X. Make sure it is something that YOU will also enjoy, and go and have fun. Truly play with your granddaughter, and enjoy the time with her. Make those memories and I bet she will have fun with you.

Be aware that your granddaughter may at some point break down and tell you she feels bad for having fun because her parent cannot. That is when you tell them that you are sure that Dad wants them to enjoy this for him, and to enjoy every day to the fullest and to play and learn all she can. Let her know it is hard for you too, and that you miss him. Then after a few minutes, go back to an activity when it seems appropriate so that you don't spend a long time dwelling. My niece used to do this almost every time we took her to do anything remotely fun. We got pretty good at giving her a moment or two and then redirecting her back to the fun.