I have always had a hard time getting difficult child 1 to listen. She is especially defiant when it comes to her hygiene. She never washes her hair and face. She has acne and she is supposed to be washing her face twice a day and putting on a special face cream that my mom got from the dermatologist. Almost every night it's a battle to get her to do these things. Her hair is always greasy and her face looks worse by the day. difficult child does not care at all how she looks. She hangs out with mostly all boys and she says a few of them like her. In her opinion, if the boys don't care how she looks then why should she. She is totally different than I was at that age. I took showers and washed my hair every single day without being asked. I also used to have an acne problem and nobody had to tell me to put on my face cream. I was diligent about using it because I cared about my complexion. I just can't get difficult child 1 to care. She is also overweight and will eat snacks even though I tell her she can't. She just went to the doctor last week and her weight put her in the clinically obese category. This doesn't faze her at all. She still over eats and when I try to take food out of her hands, she pushes me and runs. Every day my mom calls me and asks me if difficult child has washed her face and put on her cream. When I tell her no, she gets mad at me and says I have no control over her. She insists that my daughter belongs living with her dad. Both difficult children hate going over to their dad's every other weekend because they are yelled at and mistreated by their stepmother. Their dad isn't much better. My mom has told difficult child 1 on several occasions that she is going to have to live with her dad if she doesn't straighten up. This really pisses me off to no degree. No matter what, I am NOT going to send her to her dad's. difficult child has already told me and my mom that she will disown us for life if that happens. That is not my reason for not wanting her to go there. I refuse to send my kids off to live with the other parent just because they are giving me a hard time. I don't believe in doing that. I am considering going to counseling with her once I start working again in the fall. I am not going to give up on her that easily. I really wish my mom would butt out and stop making idle threats that aren't going to really happen. After all, I am the parent and it's MY decision! My mom keeps insisting to me that difficult child spill be better off at her dad'a and that I'm a failure as a parent. Being a parent to two difficult children already makes me feel like a failure sometimes. I don't need her making me feel worse. How do I get her to stop threatening difficult child? She really is a big help to me by driving me to the grocery store and community service since I lost my license. How can I tell her to butt out nicely?