Grandma's nearly down for the count

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Abbey, Oct 27, 2008.

  1. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    husband's grandma is not good. I'm at silly Boofest yesterday and I get a text...yes, a text from her doctor. husband has guardianship of his grandmother who lives in a nursing home about an hour or two from here. Now, I'm not supposed to have my cell on the floor, but I keep it hidden on vibrate. So, as all the little kids are coming by, it buzzes. I bend down to super secretly look and it's her doctor. She had a massive heart attack. husband got the same text.

    First of all, I want to commend this doctor for going the extra mile. Secondly, for the second time in my life I'd like my other family members step up so we don't have to be the ones who have guardianship of others. It's a huge task.

    Back to Grandma. Talked to store manager and he approved me having my cell on so I could receive calls. He was actually very nice and said I could leave ASAP if needed. I said I'd wait to hear back from doctor.

    In the somewhat end, she had the heart attack, and then about 20 minutes later a stroke. Top it off with cardiac arrest two times and being resisitated twice...that old gal is still holding on. She is 87.

    Now, to the ugly. She has a 'do not resisitate' papers that are in her personal papers as well as the nursing home. husband goes up and organizes her papers from time to time as she messes them all up, but the nursing home has them as well. THEY RESISITATED. Nursing home did not provide the paperwork to the doctor. If you knew Grandma...she will be spitting bullets when/if she finds this out. She always says, "been there done that...get the hell out of my way to heaven."

    So, going to see her tomorrow morning. doctor said it was useless before this as she only has seconds of being awake each hour.

    I WILL deal with the nursing home on this slip up. Not that I want the old gal to pass, but I want her wishes to be respected.

  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I'm so sorry to hear about husband's grandma and also upset about her wishes not being honored. How sad to put her through so much.
  3. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    That's actionable, isn't it?

    Some people are a bit funny over a DNR order. Could it be that someone got a bit high-handed and made a unilateral decision? because if they "didn't know" then they would have to resuscitate; but if they DID know, they could "lose" the paperwork...

    Go in carefully, ask if the paperwork was given to the hospital. Maybe begin with, "The hospital claims they never received the DNR papers from you. This is a big problem, because as a result, she was resuscitated which was very much against her specific wishes - very definitely heroic measures were taken, which she did not want. So please can you help me find who is responsible?"

    If they DID give the papers to the hospital, that should flush it out fast. The last thing the nursing home will want is a lawsuit. Same with the hospital. Both will deny liability but one of them will side with you to fight the other, and that will tell you who is really responsible and who is getting defensive because of a guilty conscience.

    Put the boot in.

  4. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    I'm surprised, They ask with every admission if you want to be resuscitated.
    Make sure it's on the chart now or have granny sign another form when she is awake.
    Sorry for granny. Hope she is pain free and peaceful at least.
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry she is ill and that her wishes were not respected. You are a great wife to help to these lenghts. I cannot imagine how you must feel, I know how careful we were with my Gma's DNR, and making sure it was followed. I hope you can get it straightened out, AND that she is not in any pain.
  6. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Generally, if the professionals don't know if there's a DNR in place, they will act as if there isn't. Sounds like the home didn't have their act together and when they sent her off to the ER, the papers didn't follow with her. Nursing home needs to get their act together. Big red DNR needs to be on the front of her file, pronto.

    I hope this doesn't drag on for you, husband and gma. It's very sad and stressful on the family and poor grma. I hope she passes peacefully in her sleep.
  7. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    They never took her to the ER. It's complicated as they knew she did wanted DNR, so she stayed in the nursing home...but they resisitated. Heading up there in a few minutes.

  8. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Went and saw Grams today. She is stable and at varying times quite alert. She asked me to bring her a Bloody Mary, then fell asleep. Sheesh. I wanted to get the old gal her request. Why not?

    The poor thing has alarms all over her. She has one that goes off when she gets out of bed, which is a HUGE deal for her. I stepped outside her room to talk to husband and we hear the alarm gos off. She cussed like the most hardened sailor. Then she wears an ankle one that goes off if she tries to leave the building, which she has done in the past. I don't think she'd make it two steps right now.

    I think she has days left, not weeks. Then again, she's such a tough cookie that she might pull out of this.

    One thing I will have to say is that nursing home is NICE. It actually looks and feels like a home. She loves it there and the staff is so nice. *I* want to move in there. It's what a nursing home should be. (You's in Whittenburg.)

    No one has told her what really happened. She thinks she has the flu. She saw it snowing outside (ACK!!!) and wanted to go out into it.

    So, it appears Grams has won round one. We'll see about round 2.

  9. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    Sounds like an amazing lady.
  10. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Oye! Well you should be commended... sounds like she is a tough one. She probably will be cussing and spitting nails until the end. She should have a drink! why not? LOL
    My Dad's Mom was like that, I spent the last year of her life by her side, I did not know her until that point, she would go on and on about how the rest of the family was a bunch of ungrateful so and so's... then she would yell, "just bring me a knife already and let me end it!" One time I handed her a butter knife!!! I laughed so hard, she told me to f'off!!!
    She had a big tattoo of a heart and Momma on her shoulder!!! Grew up on the res. down here in Southern AZ.
    I hope she is pain free as well Abbey, you get some rest!