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Grandpa, Kids, Dad, Sister, Health, Neighbors....
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 653471" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Confused, you were doing well, taking care of your needs, stopping the quest to do the impossible and be everything for everybody. Here are a few questions that you don't need to answer to us, but maybe fodder for thought. When you change, sometimes others don't like it and get out of sorts. Not your fault. Not your circus, not your monkeys (I actually bought a shirt that says that...lol!).No matter how guilty others TRY to make us feel, we know we are helpers and have done so much good and are kind people...to those who are kind to us. I say screw the neighbors. Now some questions you can ask yourself.As a kind person, the best thing you can do for him is to force him to get a professional to help him. That would be the best scenario and he can afford it. You have said so.</p><p></p><p>1/Is Grandpa wearing his panic button? Why is he not hiring a night caregiver? They get paid to do that work and there are plenty of them. Is he insisting it has to be you? Why don't you just tell him it can't be you? Why do you care if he's upset? He needs more care than any non-medical person can give him. He is old and sick and needs professionals to care for him. Close your ears to his irrational demands.</p><p></p><p>2/This is a tochy question, but I want you to ask yourself this. Your father has Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD). Why? Does he still smoke while he is so sick? He can't be THAT old to be THAT sick. Does your father HAVE to take care of gmpa? He too can delegate Gmpas care to a health care nurse. So, no, he doesn't have to do it. If he chooses to do it, then that is his decision. It is not your fault. It is his own choice and very unnecessary. Your Dad resting in the hospital...is that really a bad thing? They will take care of him and he won't be running around.</p><p></p><p>3. Who comes first? Grandpa, Dad or the kids? Just ask yourself this because you can't take care of all of them and give equal care to all. It's not humanly possible to do so.</p><p></p><p>4. Confused, I can relate to what the neighbors say today. This week I found out my own sister was spying on me here then posting horrible, untrue stuff on a personality disorder site and not mentioning the good in me, of course. Yet reading her posts brought me down until I rationalized to myself, "And I care what she thinks because....????" Actually, I don't care what she thinks. I am moving on and she can say what she wants to whomever she wants and as much as she wants and that's how you should feel about your neighbors. They aren't even people who were raised with you, who are supposed to love you. They are neighbors. SO WHAT? Do what I'm going to do. I'm never visiting Sister's "we hate people so they are borderline" site again and you don't ever have to talk to your neighbors again. You can nod and smile and say "hi" and leave it at that. Why have a conversation with these people? They do not have your best intersts at heart and, in general, seems like nobody has your children's interests at heart.</p><p></p><p>This is just my .02 and it's worth all .02 of it <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> Move, like you planned. Moe as fast as you can before you get sucked in. I got sucked into my sister's drama again and I'm SO ANGRY at ME, not my sister. I am the one who has to take care of me, and I didn't do it. You are the one who has to take care of yourself. Nobody else will.</p><p></p><p>You are getting stronger. We all have setbacks and maybe it is convenient that we both had setbacks in the same week. I can really relate to your feelings and the peer pressure and the anger at being accused of not taking care of grandpa, when you have the biggest heart of everyone there. And you know you do. And as long as you know, and all of us know it, these friendly neighbors, who would serve you poison in your punch, do not deserve the time of day.</p><p></p><p>Facts as I personally see them: Grandpa and Dad need medical people to take care of them and you are NOT one.</p><p></p><p>More facts per my own sense of right and wrong (not to be mistaken for a universal truth): Your kids and you should come first. You are young once and you need to make sure your kids get help and that you get healthy.</p><p></p><p>Hugs from your biggest cheerleader. Let's decide together to put the facts first and the unimportant loudmouths behind us and do what we know is best for ourselves and everyone else. Rah! Rah! Rah! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 653471, member: 1550"] Confused, you were doing well, taking care of your needs, stopping the quest to do the impossible and be everything for everybody. Here are a few questions that you don't need to answer to us, but maybe fodder for thought. When you change, sometimes others don't like it and get out of sorts. Not your fault. Not your circus, not your monkeys (I actually bought a shirt that says that...lol!).No matter how guilty others TRY to make us feel, we know we are helpers and have done so much good and are kind people...to those who are kind to us. I say screw the neighbors. Now some questions you can ask yourself.As a kind person, the best thing you can do for him is to force him to get a professional to help him. That would be the best scenario and he can afford it. You have said so. 1/Is Grandpa wearing his panic button? Why is he not hiring a night caregiver? They get paid to do that work and there are plenty of them. Is he insisting it has to be you? Why don't you just tell him it can't be you? Why do you care if he's upset? He needs more care than any non-medical person can give him. He is old and sick and needs professionals to care for him. Close your ears to his irrational demands. 2/This is a tochy question, but I want you to ask yourself this. Your father has Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD). Why? Does he still smoke while he is so sick? He can't be THAT old to be THAT sick. Does your father HAVE to take care of gmpa? He too can delegate Gmpas care to a health care nurse. So, no, he doesn't have to do it. If he chooses to do it, then that is his decision. It is not your fault. It is his own choice and very unnecessary. Your Dad resting in the hospital...is that really a bad thing? They will take care of him and he won't be running around. 3. Who comes first? Grandpa, Dad or the kids? Just ask yourself this because you can't take care of all of them and give equal care to all. It's not humanly possible to do so. 4. Confused, I can relate to what the neighbors say today. This week I found out my own sister was spying on me here then posting horrible, untrue stuff on a personality disorder site and not mentioning the good in me, of course. Yet reading her posts brought me down until I rationalized to myself, "And I care what she thinks because....????" Actually, I don't care what she thinks. I am moving on and she can say what she wants to whomever she wants and as much as she wants and that's how you should feel about your neighbors. They aren't even people who were raised with you, who are supposed to love you. They are neighbors. SO WHAT? Do what I'm going to do. I'm never visiting Sister's "we hate people so they are borderline" site again and you don't ever have to talk to your neighbors again. You can nod and smile and say "hi" and leave it at that. Why have a conversation with these people? They do not have your best intersts at heart and, in general, seems like nobody has your children's interests at heart. This is just my .02 and it's worth all .02 of it :) Move, like you planned. Moe as fast as you can before you get sucked in. I got sucked into my sister's drama again and I'm SO ANGRY at ME, not my sister. I am the one who has to take care of me, and I didn't do it. You are the one who has to take care of yourself. Nobody else will. You are getting stronger. We all have setbacks and maybe it is convenient that we both had setbacks in the same week. I can really relate to your feelings and the peer pressure and the anger at being accused of not taking care of grandpa, when you have the biggest heart of everyone there. And you know you do. And as long as you know, and all of us know it, these friendly neighbors, who would serve you poison in your punch, do not deserve the time of day. Facts as I personally see them: Grandpa and Dad need medical people to take care of them and you are NOT one. More facts per my own sense of right and wrong (not to be mistaken for a universal truth): Your kids and you should come first. You are young once and you need to make sure your kids get help and that you get healthy. Hugs from your biggest cheerleader. Let's decide together to put the facts first and the unimportant loudmouths behind us and do what we know is best for ourselves and everyone else. Rah! Rah! Rah! ;) [/QUOTE]
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