Grandson Is a difficult child!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by mom_to_3, Dec 1, 2008.

  1. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    I've known it all along......... I guess this morning just really took me to the end of my rope with it. My grandson had an appointment. for a sleep deprived eeg today. I had him go to bed late and then I woke us both up at 2 a.m. :bloodshot: for an 8 a.m. appointment. time. After the initial wake up problems, our grandson did fine, we played games, he watched thomas movies, ate, drank and played with his toys. He had no idea that he was up at an ungodly hour.

    He decided to wig out biiiigggg time about 15 min. before we had to leave. He threw himself down on the floor, screaming and kicking, threw one of his shoes at the wall, tossed over a dining room chair. I had left the room and I guess he didn't like not having an audience to perform for, so he followed me into the room I was in and continued his tantrum / raging. I sat him on the couch and told him to cut it out. He continued to kick and scream. I didn't feel it was going to be long before the other shoe went flying, possibly at me, so I did something I have not done with him before. I restrained him. He has NEVER sat in time out properly so I usually avoid that. Today was different.

    I put him on my lap, wrapped my leg over his and held his arms down. I do know the cautions about restraining and was mindful to not wrap my arms around him, but did hold his arms down. His therapist when he first came to live with us, suggested I do it and did demonstrate the technique. He turned into a wild animal! He screamed "I hate you!, Let me go!, Stop! and cried and cried and cried and fought. Oh, and he worked very hard to bite me. I felt fortunate that he didn't think to head but me. For the most part I did not speak to him except to remind him that as soon as he quit screaming, kicking and fighting that I would let him sit on the couch alone. Those words seemed to fuel him further. I did call his CPS caseworker and filled her in on what had happened, just to avoid any problems.

    I don't know just how long this went on, but I struggled and did manage to hold out longer than he did. He's a fighter with stamina! OMG, I am not up for this.

    And to make it even more enjoyable, I had a touch of something, either I ate something bad, (don't know what that would have been) or I had the flu.

    He never slept for his eeg, but we did get it done. I dropped him off at my parents house so that *I* could sleep. Our grandson slept about 1 1/2 hrs. this afternoon and that was it. I did give him his medications after the eeg and thankfully when he came back home, he was as good as gold all evening and went to bed at 8 p.m.

    Yes, he is a difficult child! Just how does this happen?
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Is his mother the one with bipolar? It sounds more like early bipolar than ADHD to me. If so, stimulants can make him worse in the long run...This happens because the mental health issues of the parents are hereditary. His birthfather's genes are also there so whatever is wrong with HIM also comes into play.
    Sorry you have to be here, but welcome!
  3. maril

    maril New Member

    Sorry to hear you had such a rough morning. Also, it is good that he was able to complete the EEG. Every positive step helps. I wish you all success in finding solutions to help your little guy. :aww:
  4. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I really worry about this with my grandson. So far, at 21 months, no significant problems.. but with "crazy genes" (no offense intended, it's just what I lovingly call them) on both sides, he's certainly at risk.
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry you had such a hard time with him this morning. Especially as you have some bug making you feel ill. That just makes everything so much worse.

    I hope that what is going on is some sort of disorder and NOT a sign that his biodad or stepmom abused him by holding him down or somesuch. That would be my first question to try to rule out. Maybe ask him when he is in a calmer state of mind what made him lose his cool so much when you were trying to help him calm down? It could be a sensory issue, or it could be adhd, bipolar or something on the autistic spectrum, or something else.

    I KNOW those are long-term, hard to handle problems. But I would still take any one of those over having him be abused anyday.

    HAve you read "The Bipolar Child" by Papalous? I STRONGLY recommend it, especially as his mom is bipolar.
  6. Star*

    Star* call 911


    Dudes Biofather is BiPolar (BP), antisocial and a true sociopath, his biograndmother; on biofathers side was also BiPolar (BP). Three uncles and a great grandfather on his bio father's side and one aunt were BiPolar (BP). One Aunt on his biofather's side was schizophrenic. His biofathers father while smart has his own problems too - not sure what, not BiPolar (BP), but antisocial for sure.

    Despite all this genetic ca-ca we are seeing improvements in Dude but it has taken a toll on us mentally, physically, financially, emotionally. Spiritually we're okay - except for the occasional "Do you have me God?" comments.

    Whatever your grandson is diagnosis as. Do you think that this is something that his father will be open to accepting AND committed to handling through learning and therapy/medications/placement if it were to come to that? BEcause there IS a chance your grandson with proper and life long treatment can change the map in his brain. I believe you can change their thinking and logic and chemistry. I've read enough and seen enough to belive it.

    I'm not talking a total 360, I'm only talking about life-managed behavior. I think with a LOT of supports in place you can do this for him. I know you wanted to more than anything otherwise you would not have said you wanted him. AND it's not a reflection on your parenting so don't think that you did or didn't do something here. YOU ARE A FANTASTIC G'MA...and your grandson is lucky to have you,but.....he is who he is and he has limited coping skills and that's going to take a lifetime to teach and change his behaviors.

    Do you think maybe THIS would keep him from going to his fathers to live? I really think family court should mandate his treatment.

    Hugs for your rough day - I hate basket holds.....and I did get a broken nose, and a near concussion twice.

  7. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    Hi Momto3: Preparing for trasitions is an area that is the most valuable piece for peace. We want our children to use their words and we have to be extra careFULL
    to use our words.
    In fact it is these everyday things and out of the ordinary ones that as the adult we set the stage for the problem solving skills of the future.
    In my approach what I do is announce the plan in advance first. That way I can
    build some excitement around what to anticipate in the future. Maybe when I know it is likely to happen. And as time goes by to offer plenty of oppertunity for a child to talk about what is going to be invovlved.
    On the BIg day...I do the same thing. Say what is going to happen: get up, dress ,play leave in one hour. At half time say after awhile I am going to let you know when you have ten minutes befor we go, how does that sound?
    At ten minutes...Ok in ten minutes we are going to leave. ARe you just about ready to put all the toys away? Then CLEAN UP TIME...there is even a hit song to go with clean up time...thank you BArney.
    Coat on. You put your coat on by yourself? Want some help today?
    It doesn't matter if the kid is fussing and behavoring the entire time as a parent you have to be there with them and putting the directions on their loop. ANd bless your heart you have to give them your beautiful woman voice and be sincere and loving or you will instill them with some shrew pitch.
    A child is going to share all the little and large objections and refusals and it is in their best interest and our own to listen and give direction that meet their emotional need for attention as they wiggle into theri big child persona where co-operation is more a whole child participation.
    I like the holding of a child in their anger because we give them a sence of control
    when they are lost.
    Good job there! the paths to sucess are bumpy.
    How about massage therapy? Hmm. I am certain that there is a wealth of sensoral
    learning to aid a child with all these outward going issues to be assisted to internalize the rudiments of learning to relax at will.