Grandson Will Be Going Home By Christmas

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by mom_to_3, Nov 13, 2008.

  1. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    I got word this week that our grandson will be going back to his fathers house by Christmas. I knew that he would at some point but had no idea that it would be so soon.

    I know that after he goes back to his fathers, that they will never allow us access to him again. :sad: They are so angry with the CPS involvement and requirements and that he is in therapy and has been diagnosis'd with ADHD and is on medication. They blame me for this. As if I control everything in this world. I think not.

    On one hand, he does need his father. On another hand, I know that we have given him such love, structure and security and shown him how to live in a clean, respectful, productive, loving home. I so worry about his future. My stomach just seizes up when I think about where he will go and what will become of him. But, I know it has to and will happen. Why oh why does life have to be so hard sometimes?!
  2. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    Oh, my heart just goes out to you. I am so sorry and this must be so hard for you. I wish I could do something, I can't imagine the pain this causes you.
  3. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Ugh, my heart is breaking for you as well as grandson.

    Ignorance is an ugly thing. He will probably last there for a short time. Hopefully despite being ignorant, self absorbed and living in filth they will be kind and loving towards grandson.

    They can blame you all they want but they were the one's who lost this boy to CPS. Just because they twist it to say it was your fault doesn't make it the truth. ":Bearing false witness againt one's neighbor isn't looked upon kindly"
    All you can do legally is to be there.

  4. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Oh boy..........this is sickening. I am so, so sorry.
    Please lean on us when you need to. We are here.

    Hugs and prayers being sent your way.
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'm so sorry. This is so not fair to your grandson. And I don't give a flying hoot if it's socially acceptable to say or not.......but I'm not a huge fan of the "reuniting the family" philosophy. Far too often CPS is in a huge hurry to get the family back together above the needs and welfare of the child. Removing your grandson from a stable, loving, nurturing, clean environment to return him to one that is at best doubtful to me is just wrong.

    Sending many gentle ((((hugs)))) for your aching heart.
  6. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I agree with Daisy. That is just wrong. Maybe through some miracle they will still allow you some access to the boy? I would offer to take him weekends, maybe they would take you up on that. Maybe I am being overly optimistic. I am so sorry.
  7. Star*

    Star* call 911


    A few fatherhood classes, a couple months of therapy and VIOLA - instant good Dad - (very nice State idiots). And I guess while they were going to these classes - his girlfriend figured out how to keep and clean a house, how to be a parent, how to keep food in the home and cook it.

    I HATE THIS - I'm double angry for you. I really DO NOT understand reunification goals, but I know in OUR case? They keep pushing and pushing and pushing to have Dude MOVE HOME - and we have told them time and again it doesn't work. Makes me wonder what their real intentions are and HOW strict the guidelines will be when your gs does return to his fathers home.

    On a better thought - Let's hope that the therapy DID help to the point that even if ya'll can't get along that he will be a warrior dad for his son and live better.

    Hugs - I am still spitting nails....:faint:
  8. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    He'll remember you and what you taught him. He'll know what it is to have a good life and be a good person. You gave him that. They can't take it away.

    It may not seem like it, but I feel that he will reach out to you one day, in spite of whatever happens with his father.
  9. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    Thanks guys, I knew you of all people would understand most of everything that has gone on. I *do* believe our grandson will remember all that he has experienced here. He is a smart boy even though he is only 4, going to be the big 5, this coming week. After his bath tonight, I asked him again, what my name is, other than grandma and the same for grandpa. He knew, as we have practiced all the important info since he came here. He knows our phone number including area code and our address including our city and state. I told him that any time in his life if he wants to see us or talk to all he had to do was to tell a teacher or ask a policeman or another adult to help him. He has no idea that he will be going home soon.
  10. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    It might be a challenge, but it doesn't sound like it is altogether impossible to keep a connection.

    Hugs to you,
  11. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    When your grandson goes to his father, the case should still be open and hopefully gs will be in a preschool program as well. You need as many eyes on the situation as possible. Don't accept that it is over just yet, I don't know the exact numbers but alot of kids return to foster or kinship care within a year of RU. The state has a duty to show they have tried to RU the family...they generally know who will make it but sometimes they return the child to document the problems and get more evidence to support termination of parental rights, It stinks and hurts the kids but it does happen often.
  12. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry. I'm also not a big fan of reuniting. It seems that the issues causing the separation too often aren't fully addressed, and then you have this poor kid bouncing all over the place like a basketball.

    Just a thought...when Miss KT was little, I knew she wouldn't remember all the important info, like phone numbers, addresses, etc., if she got lost, so I made sure she knew our full names, and then she was to say, "They're in the phone book." Don't know if you are or not, but that might be easier for your grandson to remember, especially with the upheaval.
  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am with Star. I think that if the requirements for reunification in a situation like yours are ridiculous. A few parenting classes and/or anger management classes are not going to make him a good dad and they are not going Occupational Therapist (OT) make the house habitable or put food on the table.

    I hope and pray that the "system" supervises this very very closely - like with the microscope and unreasonable demands that parents like klmno have had to face. because I really do NOT think his father is going to shape up, nor the stepmom. Watch closely, do everything you can to keep in contact with him, and if possible have YOUR attorney fight for visitation rights at the least.

    Are they hopefully going to start with a few supervised visits (supervised by someone other than YOU - that would be so stressful for you!), then a couple of hours unsupervised to build up to an overnight and then moving back? because it seems so WRONG to just up and move him suddenly with no warning. You may need to work on that with teh case worker or a therapist as it will undoubtedly bring up issues.

    Sending very very gentle hugs for your hurting heart, and for gs.
  14. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I wanted to ask if there was some sort of transition plan for your grandson, or are they just going to plop him back at his dad's? It seems a bit abrupt and cruel to not have an objective 3rd party oversee this transition in his life. I realize that he left his past home very abruptly but that was for safety reasons. There's no such concern here, so I'd be very tempted to press for as smooth a change as possible for him. It might also lead to grandparents rights and (I know it seems unlikely) a situation where you will have better means of communication with his dad.

    Has CPS said anything about this? If not, it might not be a bad idea to contact them and raise the question.
  15. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    It will remain an open case for 6-12 months. You could ask DCFS to make weekly visits with you part of the plan.
  16. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Well I've thought about this little fella of yours and how OUTRAGEOUS this "plan" is. It's ridiculous and at CHRISTMAS TIME? Oh dear.....

    Maybe you do not know the what if answers - but how about we help you with the what if QUESTIONS for this caseworker and CPS ?????

    I like Witz thinking so we'll start with that question -

    Is there transition plan in place? What is it, can I have a written copy?

    WHO is in charge of overseeing this venture? Can I be kept as a part of the contact team? Will it be UNDERSTOOD that should anything go wrong he comes back to live here WITH HIS GRANDMA!!!!!!

    How many chances does this Father and his girlfriend get to make sure he has proper food, clothing, schooling etc? As in how many screwups does he get?

    How long are MY court ordered visits? Can we get every other weekend legally what are my rights as a grandparent.

    I'm sure there are TONS of things I'm missing - but this is a very good group and we can help you get a list of questions together to help YOU undergo this transition and should anything not go right? WHAT and WHO pays for it if he comes back to your home? Could you THEN file for custody?

    I"M REALLY FRICKING PO'd about this...
  17. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    The plan is, as I hear it, that they will start with weekend visit and if that goes okay then increase the time at his dad's until he is there full time. The caseworker and her supervisor will visit the house weekly for a period of time, the every other week, then monthly, etc. until CPS is no longer involved. I believe the one year mark is in April or May, so there is that time.

    The dad's parents have had a home study done and the caseworker is waiting on the results. That will be a deciding factor also, as they would help with childcare because both parents are supposed to be working. THAT will be interesting for sure.

    I did speak to the caseworker about establishing visitation legally. I had hoped that CPS could put that as part of their plan, but was told no. I can and will however speak to the judge the next time we go to court.

    Grandparents as a rule have no rights in Texas. But because we will have had him for more than 6 months, that gives us grounds to ask.

    Our grandson *IS* a diabetic. It is interesting.............. he's "honeymooning" right now with his diabetes. When he was 2 yrs. old, he needed to take insulin. He does not take insulin now, but we do monitor his blood sugars. He is not on a special diet of any kind other than relatively healthy.

    I did ask the caseworker if they would be required to keep him in pre-k, so that at least there would be other eyes on him, and she said no! I was a bit shocked at that, but by law they do not have to. CPS will require him to have child care of some sort. CPS cannot by law require them to continue his ADHD medications either.

    by the way, my grandson is 5 today!!! :hapBday::hapBday::hapBday:
  18. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Well, I hope it will go well. There's so much wrong about this. You're good enough to raise him for six months but not good enough for visits? I think not! Happy Birthday, by the way. Did either of his parents call? I would be so taking notes on this stuff! I would also do what I could to find an independent evaluation done on the child as to your place in his eyes. In Oregon we recognize what is called a "psychological parent". It's where a child is aware that someone is not their biological parent, but sees that person as a parent because that person parents them. Psychological parents have legal standing to seek custody in a court of law. It is a recognized status in Texas, if you have a savvy attorney.

    courts have also recognized that children have an interest in maintaining "...the ties that connect them to adults who love and provide for them."

    Tell an attorney to site "Winczewski v. Winczewski".

    Here is a link to Oregon's laws regarding the issue. It's pretty convoluted, but precedent setting. It's like a road map to grandparental rights in spite of a biological parent's objection. Have an attorney look it over, and see what they say. Most attorney's will give your first consultation for free, and if you give them a good enough nugget to chew on that could get them all of the rich grandparents in the state as clients if they win, they might work you into their schedule.