Gross letter from co-worker
- Thread starter 1905
- Start date
Honestly? I feel like I want to curse him out, and say what anyone would say. F- this and that and call him all kinds of names. It would backfire so I have to go this route. I told all my friends at work about this and I'm not keeping this secret. I will leave from the gym from now on, it is direct access to my car and the man is still on duty during that time. The man in charge of sexual harrassment said it is all about me and what I'm comfortable with. They'll move him if it continues. He's been here 20 years at least, because difficult child had him. My husband is as upset about this as I am, but he wants to beat him up.
witzend
Well-Known Member
I would be terrified. I don't know what your school is able to do, but do what you can to keep your home location private. Like everyone says, document EVERYTHING. He may well be ill, but that doesn't mean that he won't act out inappropriately. Weapons at school? No. MacGyver? Yes.
This is what just kills me about taking our shoes off at the airport and TSA and all of the other stuff we do now. Prior to 9/11/01, if someone hijacked an airplane, they took it somewhere. It didn't always work out well, and it was horrifying, but you know and I know that except for the plane that missed the Pentagon, EVERYONE thought that they were going to land somewhere. And what did they have? A couple of hours of flying school and box knives. No one can convince me that if people knew what the plan was that they wouldn't have used whatever was in their purse or pocket to take those guys out.
Get yourself a trial sized can of aerosol hairspray or deoderant and keep it in your pocket. Never go to or from your car whether you are alone or with someone without your hand on your hairspray in your pocket. You've documented this now and you've told him to leave you alone. You're afraid and disturbed and you have every right to be. If he approaches you again, spray him in the eyes with your hairspray. Is it a weapon? No. No more than my fingernails are a weapon. If someone invades my space when I told them to leave me alone and I scratch their eyes out that's their problem I happen to have vicious fingernails. It's his problem you happen to have a can of trial size spray in your pocket. Just don't tell anyone your plans, that may turn it into an assault on your part. You have to be able to convincingly argue that you were surprised and that hurting him "just happened".
This is what just kills me about taking our shoes off at the airport and TSA and all of the other stuff we do now. Prior to 9/11/01, if someone hijacked an airplane, they took it somewhere. It didn't always work out well, and it was horrifying, but you know and I know that except for the plane that missed the Pentagon, EVERYONE thought that they were going to land somewhere. And what did they have? A couple of hours of flying school and box knives. No one can convince me that if people knew what the plan was that they wouldn't have used whatever was in their purse or pocket to take those guys out.
Get yourself a trial sized can of aerosol hairspray or deoderant and keep it in your pocket. Never go to or from your car whether you are alone or with someone without your hand on your hairspray in your pocket. You've documented this now and you've told him to leave you alone. You're afraid and disturbed and you have every right to be. If he approaches you again, spray him in the eyes with your hairspray. Is it a weapon? No. No more than my fingernails are a weapon. If someone invades my space when I told them to leave me alone and I scratch their eyes out that's their problem I happen to have vicious fingernails. It's his problem you happen to have a can of trial size spray in your pocket. Just don't tell anyone your plans, that may turn it into an assault on your part. You have to be able to convincingly argue that you were surprised and that hurting him "just happened".
hearts and roses
Mind Reader
You have taken the appropriate steps to ward this guy off...now just always be mindful of your surroundings and the people around you at all times. Get someone to escort you- DO NOT feel silly asking!!
Hugs and sending protective juju your way!
Hugs and sending protective juju your way!
Hound dog
Nana's are Beautiful
UAN you're taking all the right steps..........and please be super aware of your surroundings for quite some time. Continue to report him if he doesn't back off, even go to the police for stalking if necessary.
However, you might want to talk to some folks and see if this is a pattern of behavior or something new. Could be he's on the atuistic spectrum and does have feelings for you but no clue how to react to them appropriately or it could be something else going on as IC said. Wouldn't excuse his behavior if that was the case, but it *might* be he's not intentionally being a creep.
((hugs)) (better to play it safe though regardless)
However, you might want to talk to some folks and see if this is a pattern of behavior or something new. Could be he's on the atuistic spectrum and does have feelings for you but no clue how to react to them appropriately or it could be something else going on as IC said. Wouldn't excuse his behavior if that was the case, but it *might* be he's not intentionally being a creep.
((hugs)) (better to play it safe though regardless)
Hairspray is a great idea to have on hand to help ward him off. You can also consider one of those personal alarms for joggers, etc... that give a loud high pitched sound. You can get one for your keychain or to have on a lanyard, necklace or even hanging off of the strap or handle of your purse or briefcase. They are quite inexpensive. I paid less than five bucks for one a couple of years ago.
One aspect of this that none of us has mentioned is for you to find some support for this. A therapist, hotline, group for women going through this or dealing with the aftermath, etc... would help you work through this. This isn't something that you can just 'put behind you' or 'move forward from' or forget. It can trigger old problems and deliver new onex. If your district or union offers an employee assistance center, they can help you find resources and may will pay for the first one or few sessions/rounds of treatment/help whatever is needed.
(((((hugs)))))
One aspect of this that none of us has mentioned is for you to find some support for this. A therapist, hotline, group for women going through this or dealing with the aftermath, etc... would help you work through this. This isn't something that you can just 'put behind you' or 'move forward from' or forget. It can trigger old problems and deliver new onex. If your district or union offers an employee assistance center, they can help you find resources and may will pay for the first one or few sessions/rounds of treatment/help whatever is needed.
(((((hugs)))))
The latest update is this. The guy in charge of discrimination, the one I spoke to yesterday, e-mailed me back. He told me to downlaod a form, fill it out, and send it over to him. Also he said he is calling this man into his office and talking to him and telling him to stop, plus he also recapped our own conversation, and my additional e-mail was on th bottom about him asking to give me a ride somewhere.
He cc'd the whole thing to the Superintendent and my Principal. I found out through my co-workers that this man had had 2 affairs with others who are now no longer working in the district. Of course, that's the rumor mill. He wouldn't leave the one alone after she broke it off. On Tuesday, I will tell the union rep for my building.
He cc'd the whole thing to the Superintendent and my Principal. I found out through my co-workers that this man had had 2 affairs with others who are now no longer working in the district. Of course, that's the rumor mill. He wouldn't leave the one alone after she broke it off. On Tuesday, I will tell the union rep for my building.
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
After hearing witz and the airplane story, I just have to add one of my own. I wont fly without my "anti-hijacking kit". Now the airlines dont realize what it is but its my own private kit. First of all I have my weight. It would take a good sized box cutter to get through me...lol. I also travel with a denim purse with a baggie of loose change in it. About 15 pounds of it. Yes the people scanning my purse are stumped about why I am traveling with so much change but I always tell them that I am visiting a friend who has small kids and I save change to give them when we go to video places to play the games. They look at me like Im nuts but oh well. Now my purse is a weapon. Im wide enough to get in front of that cockpit door and swing that purse at any idiot who tries to get in. I would knock them cold!
Get you a small purse/bag you can wear over your shoulder and carry about 10 to 15 pounds of change in a plastic bag. You will knock anyone out with it. Also if you have a cell phone that records, make sure you keep it on record when you are walking out to your car so you can record anything he says to you. This will also work if you have one of those Mp3 players. They are great for recording things without anyone ever thinking you are doing so.
Get you a small purse/bag you can wear over your shoulder and carry about 10 to 15 pounds of change in a plastic bag. You will knock anyone out with it. Also if you have a cell phone that records, make sure you keep it on record when you are walking out to your car so you can record anything he says to you. This will also work if you have one of those Mp3 players. They are great for recording things without anyone ever thinking you are doing so.
