Grr.... More family drama

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by witzend, Jun 28, 2011.

  1. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    husband's sister A, whose daughter L that we have never met is to be married in the fall 100 miles from home and they wanted us to drive stinky grandma because they didn't want to include her until the last minute, called this morning to say she wanted to invite us to her birthday party this weekend. You might remember that their sister in law T made a big stink (pardon the pun) when I told A wouldn't attend. "Don't even bother sending a present!" "Obviously you don't care about family!" Drama, drama, drama. I apologized profusely - I hadn't meant to offend, we heard nothing back from anyone. Oh, well. No skin off my nose.

    Anyway, I told A I was a little uncomfortable about seeing T there, and she said, "Oh, don't worry, T's forgiven you." What? I told her I was glad that T had done so, although I couldn't tell what it was I was to be forgiven for, and that I was awaiting an apology or at least an acknowledgment from T and not certain I was welcome within the group. It went downhill from there. She demanded that I give her husband's cell phone number and needed to call him right now at work. I told her to call at home tonight when he was here. She called me sick and controlling. I told her she should have a nice birthday, and she could see if she could work something out with husband.

    I swear to you that I have spent the last 28 years trying to make husband have at least a somewhat cordial relationship with his family; forcing him to buy Mother's Day and Christmas gifts, inviting them to celebrations and holidays only to be told "we have other plans", which by the way is what T told me I should have said about why we couldn't attend the wedding rather than "we've never met your daughter and won't be traveling but will send a gift instead." That was before we learned that they were spending an entire week at the resort and not including their mom, their big goal was for us to bring mom.

    This time I did send A a note saying that I have nothing to apologize for, that I didn't appreciate being called names, and that I was done trying to make husband have a healthy relationship with his family. If he forgets mom on holidays from now on, it's because I stopped telling him he had to do something for her. I'm done! Then I blocked their email addresses from my servers, took them out of all of my databases, and that's the end of that.
  2. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    It sounds like cutting off all contact is your best bet. You can choose your friends but you can't choose your relatives - not even the one's you marry into. As long as your husband is supportive of you, I would just not bother with them. So they talk behind your back: do you really care what some idiot has to say? Better you should just ignore the whole bunch. If husband wants to see them, why can't he see them without you? I would steer clear.
  3. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Good for you, that's the end of that!! That's the best thing. Can you block their phone numbers before husband gets home?
  4. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I could but I won't. If they want to contact him, they can. I told her I wouldn't have any objection to any of them calling him at home any time - he's home in the evening. But these chuckle heads better figure it out that he's married to me. He has chosen to spend the last 28 years with me and if they think that they're going to call him up and tattle on me it's not going to go very far. He knows me and loves me and he hasn't bothered with them since he was a kid. There's a reason for that.
  5. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Witz, you're much more mature than I am!
  6. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I'm seeing there's a reason he's spent 28 years with YOU and NOT them......

    and DF said there would be NO reason for me to start my alternative HELLMark card business....I digress. I think I'd be a stinking millionaire with my dysfunctional sarcastic card business.
  7. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I'm starting to wonder if your husband's family isn't related to mine.

    Honestly? I wish I could be that mature!!!
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Yup. Probably very sound reasons for that.

    No sense in putting up with their crud anymore.
  9. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Star, when you bring out HELLmark, I bags being the Aussie distributor.

    Witz, some people prefer being lied to and do not value honesty. They also are the ones who control the rules of engagement. So when someone accuses you of being controlling - they're talking about themselves primarily.

  10. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Marg. You know what really chafed my hide was when she started going on that I should "consider what Jesus would do. I mean, I assume you are a Christian, right?" Jesus would think it would be ok for me to snatch her bald-headed for thinking she can use him to guilt me into driving their mom to a wedding for their daughter because it's inconvenient for her and their brother and his wife to take grandma along to stay for the week's vacation leading up to the wedding! They still haven't even asked us yet, they just let mother in law call us and complain that she has to take Greyhound because no one will drive her. How "Christian" is that? Holy Moley, if that was what they wanted maybe they should have included us in the wedding planning! Or just 'fessed up.

    I told husband last night that this is his family and he needs to put it right for himself and get me out of it. I told him I am done but I won't have them angry at me because he doesn't have a decent relationship with them. He said "Well, what can I tell them to do to make it right with you?" Nothing! I told him if they want to apologize for being so manipulative I'll be happy to forgive them and forget them, but as it stands I know what kind of people they are and he hasn't felt the need to contact them in 30 years and I can definitely see why! I don't see why I should invest anything in it.

    Remember when my sig used to say "Do Not Poke the Bear"? It's entirely appropriate today!
  11. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Really? They had the nerve to actually say WWJD? wow

    I would so would have utterly lost it at that point, I don't think I could've managed to be polite about it. That type of hypocritical thinking literally drives me insane. It also leaves a bad taste in people's mouths as far as organized religion, which also irks me no end.