Grrrrrrr.....difficult child gets me so ****frustrated

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TeDo, Sep 28, 2011.

  1. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    difficult child is having an especially hard time with change in mindset lately. Just now he came in the house and took money out of his brother's wallet. I asked him what it was for and did his brother agree. He said his brother said it was okay and it was to buy a utility knife he's wanted for scouting. His friend is outside waiting for him to ride bike 2.5 miles to WalMart to buy it (it will be dark in 1/2 hour). I told him he doesn't need to have it NOW, that it can wait. He argues with me and we end up arguing about how he spends every penny he ever gets within 1-2 weeks of getting it, usually on "toys" that he HAS to have. He was being so loud and defiant (and stormed out of the house) that I told his friend to go home and told difficult child to get into the house. He refused so I told him that either he gets in the house now or he won't leave the house for a week (he knows I mean it). He says no and takes off on his bike, knowing I can't catch him.

    When he gets in these moods, I just want to bang my head against a wall. They don't happen nearly as often as they used to but when they do, it's ****.

    Sorry, just needed to vent!
  2. ready2run

    ready2run New Member

    time to take his bike away, i'm thinking. it might be a good idea to give brother a lock box to put his stuff in too..
  3. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Brother did tell him he could "borrow" the money (charging him $2 "interest"). I said he couldn't go NOW. He really struggles with change of mindset sometimes. He gets an idea in his head and cannot let it go. That's the part that gets me so frustrated.
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I really get this. It can be wearing to have to dish out so many consequences or even to have to deal with giving threats of consequences just to get a little bit of compliance. And when they get sooo stuck and obsessed. Mine too has no ability to save. ugg. Hope he at least comes back okay. To buy a knife, holy cow that could never happen at this house, every surface that an be cut would be. I lock up butter knives. smile. I hope when you give the consequence you know what doesn't hit the fan. Does he handle punishment okay?
  5. keista

    keista New Member

  6. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Sorry he is being a pain.
  7. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I try giving him "good" choice and "bad" choice options not as a "consequence" so to speak but a way to teach him to make good choices by making the bad choices excessively uncomfortable. He usually will pick the good choice, tonight was not one of them. He does know that I will stick by what I say so there won't be any arguing now that he's had time to think it over. That part is still good. He WILL try to negotiate the consequences by "earning back" some of his play time by going over and above what is usually required of him. As for the knife thing, they do get locked up and he would only be allowed to use it for Boy Scout activities with the leaders present.
  8. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I am SHOCKED. He came home at curfew with his brother, gave me a hug, apologized, and said "the punishment is fair". I was very taken aback. He has ALWAYS wanted to earn back time. This time, not one word. Either he really does think it's fair or he will change his mind after a day or two when he gets extremely bored and NEEDS to get out. Guess we'll see.
  9. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    <mock whiplash in the other direction>

    What is it with this place today?!?!?!

    All sorts of left curves going on around here (see Shari's posts on Watercooler, for one)...

  10. keista

    keista New Member

    WOW! That sounds great, mature, responsible? WOW.

    You know, I don't think it matters if he changes his mind later. At this moment, immediately after the infraction, he's OK with it. If this is new, it's BIG.
  11. buddy

    buddy New Member

    awesome! something's in the air kid actually just said, OK mom several times tonight when he asked for things he could not have. I do the choice thing too but when he has to face the fact he made the wrong choice...oh dear....but he does EXACTLY what you say your son does...can it be for only 2 hours? What if I am perfect and stay in the green zone AND if I have a great day at school then can I miss only two hours of sports on tv? yikes, it can be exhausting. IF I say no,...he gets so anxious and obsessive that he does things like make a hole in the wall or becomes too anxious to make it through the day at school safely etc..., so I tend to say we will see... and he will say I know that means no....and it does, but for some reason it works better, smile.
  12. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Buddy, saying "we will see" to my difficult child makes things worse. That is vague language that he has trouble comprehending. I need to be very clear and literal when dealing with him.
  13. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    TeDo, we have played that scene out in our house more times than I ever care to remember. It is hard when they are so focused on what they want, that they do not realize how unrealistic it can be to get it now, and that it really does not need to be gotten right NOW!!
  14. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Wow. I just read the beginning all the way through to his "fair" statement. These kids are so hard to understand. I understand the impulsivity only fromwatchng it and trying to keep a lid on it like you do. Fingers crossed!
  15. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Oh for sure that is true for most....just sharing my crazy life and admiring how you handle the