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Guess Who Came to Dinner....
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 681833" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Walrus, I feel the same, the wall.</p><p>I am not sure about "letting" her do it. I refuse to get dragged into a shouting match.</p><p>Ok wait, I am rethinking that, yes when she came back in the past, she was upset and angry. She blamed her moodiness on her "stress" leaving Volcano, the kids, etc. So yes, I walked around on eggshells, trying to "help" her, thinking that she was abused and out of sorts. I gave her "space". It was a combo, really. Withdrawing. She was snappish and impatient with me and the kids, but boy when her phone rang she would be outside in a jiffy, chatting and laughing. Jekyll and Hyde.</p><p>So, yes, it is a choice made to mistreat me this way. I feel the same Walrus, I do not want to let my guard down and have my heart broken again. Hoku wants us all to go to family counseling, I am resistant. I told her gently that I have done so much to try to help these two, with no appreciation from them. My focus is on my 14 year old son. If they have "issues" with me, they can work it out in their own sessions. I am tired of their blame seeking and being the primary target. I have apologized for parenting mistakes over and again. The choices they make are their own, and I am not going to listen to their excuses.</p><p>I am tired of being raked through the coals, with no remorse from them.</p><p>I understand your not calling her on it, Walrus. It is the same for me and my two. There is no win, no calm discussion or conversation between two adults. They are stuck at 13. My comments lead to circle talking from them, they become enraged no matter what I say, or how diplomatically I try to approach anything. It is gas lighting at its finest, my fault, my fault.</p><p>My "calling" them on it, is disengaging. No use petting an ornery cat.</p><p>If that makes me hard hearted, so be it. If they cannot be decent and respectful, then they need a time out to rethink things.</p><p>I will be cordial and remain a shadow mother, praying for my shadow daughters to find their light.</p><p></p><p>I miss them, the old them I used to know.</p><p></p><p>Thank you Walrus. I am sorry for the heartache of it. Truly sorry.</p><p>We are not alone.</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 681833, member: 19522"] Walrus, I feel the same, the wall. I am not sure about "letting" her do it. I refuse to get dragged into a shouting match. Ok wait, I am rethinking that, yes when she came back in the past, she was upset and angry. She blamed her moodiness on her "stress" leaving Volcano, the kids, etc. So yes, I walked around on eggshells, trying to "help" her, thinking that she was abused and out of sorts. I gave her "space". It was a combo, really. Withdrawing. She was snappish and impatient with me and the kids, but boy when her phone rang she would be outside in a jiffy, chatting and laughing. Jekyll and Hyde. So, yes, it is a choice made to mistreat me this way. I feel the same Walrus, I do not want to let my guard down and have my heart broken again. Hoku wants us all to go to family counseling, I am resistant. I told her gently that I have done so much to try to help these two, with no appreciation from them. My focus is on my 14 year old son. If they have "issues" with me, they can work it out in their own sessions. I am tired of their blame seeking and being the primary target. I have apologized for parenting mistakes over and again. The choices they make are their own, and I am not going to listen to their excuses. I am tired of being raked through the coals, with no remorse from them. I understand your not calling her on it, Walrus. It is the same for me and my two. There is no win, no calm discussion or conversation between two adults. They are stuck at 13. My comments lead to circle talking from them, they become enraged no matter what I say, or how diplomatically I try to approach anything. It is gas lighting at its finest, my fault, my fault. My "calling" them on it, is disengaging. No use petting an ornery cat. If that makes me hard hearted, so be it. If they cannot be decent and respectful, then they need a time out to rethink things. I will be cordial and remain a shadow mother, praying for my shadow daughters to find their light. I miss them, the old them I used to know. Thank you Walrus. I am sorry for the heartache of it. Truly sorry. We are not alone. (((Hugs))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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