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Guess Who Came to Dinner....
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 682003" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Thank you RN, it is good to guard our hearts. We should always guard them, to avoid sinking into the pit of despair. I am thinking that instead of <em>stubbornly </em>guarding mine, I will <em>faithfully</em> guard it. Trust in the Lord that things happen for a reason and keep plodding onward.</p><p></p><p> Yes, Roxona, extra special. I am feeling a bit remiss in not reaching out to them. There, I said it. They are the ones who have suffered much through all of their parents comings and goings, back and forth. I will use this as a lesson to myself.</p><p></p><p> This is so true, Kalahou, she was given a sacred name before birth, and has represented it well. Of course it would be Hoku, who would make herself the mediator......</p><p></p><p> Thank you very much for putting this perspective out there for me to think upon. I am seeing through eyes of pain, rather than forgiveness. It will take some time to process. What you have written is true, it must have taken a lot for her to approach me. Kalahou, I remember writing to Feeling that I had a dream that Tornado came and hugged me. I must examine my heart and my stubborn pride and rethink this. I am caught between loving her so deeply, and all that has happened, the fear of being thrown under the bus again, the work it has taken to mend. What I must rely on, is faith and also that this has been a time of learning for me. I also need to trust in the Lord, have forgiveness, but go cautiously as well. I will pray on this.</p><p> The pebble thrown into the still pond. Small steps.</p><p></p><p> Thank you for reminding me Kalahou. It is much easier to write about and ponder these things, then put them into practice. As I sit here thinking on your words, I am recognizing that I am afraid to open up my heart again, afraid of future hurt. I don't want to have that devastating heartache.</p><p>I do have to work on my faith, <em>forgiveness</em> and trust myself to move forward with understanding that I have learned much these past six months. Have I? </p><p>I hope so. </p><p>I do know that I cannot enable my children.</p><p>Have I swung too far to protect my heart? </p><p>Possibly.</p><p>To find an in between, where I can love my two, but also be careful that I do not get sucked into the drama go round, knocked about and dizzied by it.</p><p>Radical acceptance.</p><p>True peace of heart and mind.</p><p></p><p>I must remember that as storms come and go, the howling winds fell branches, uproot trees, the forrest is in disarray, but as time passes new life springs forth. </p><p>From devastation comes change and growth.</p><p>The strongest trees dig their roots in deeper and ready themselves for whatever may come.</p><p></p><p>I will work on this Kalahou, thank you for your wise words.</p><p></p><p>The past, a lesson, the present, a gift, the future unknown.</p><p></p><p>No matter what, it is important that I build upon a firm foundation of faith, dig my roots deeper into it and trust in God. </p><p>Though I be fearful, I love my two with all of my heart and wish the best for them.</p><p></p><p>Mahalo nui Kalahou, it is a new day.</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 682003, member: 19522"] Thank you RN, it is good to guard our hearts. We should always guard them, to avoid sinking into the pit of despair. I am thinking that instead of [I]stubbornly [/I]guarding mine, I will [I]faithfully[/I] guard it. Trust in the Lord that things happen for a reason and keep plodding onward. Yes, Roxona, extra special. I am feeling a bit remiss in not reaching out to them. There, I said it. They are the ones who have suffered much through all of their parents comings and goings, back and forth. I will use this as a lesson to myself. This is so true, Kalahou, she was given a sacred name before birth, and has represented it well. Of course it would be Hoku, who would make herself the mediator...... Thank you very much for putting this perspective out there for me to think upon. I am seeing through eyes of pain, rather than forgiveness. It will take some time to process. What you have written is true, it must have taken a lot for her to approach me. Kalahou, I remember writing to Feeling that I had a dream that Tornado came and hugged me. I must examine my heart and my stubborn pride and rethink this. I am caught between loving her so deeply, and all that has happened, the fear of being thrown under the bus again, the work it has taken to mend. What I must rely on, is faith and also that this has been a time of learning for me. I also need to trust in the Lord, have forgiveness, but go cautiously as well. I will pray on this. The pebble thrown into the still pond. Small steps. Thank you for reminding me Kalahou. It is much easier to write about and ponder these things, then put them into practice. As I sit here thinking on your words, I am recognizing that I am afraid to open up my heart again, afraid of future hurt. I don't want to have that devastating heartache. I do have to work on my faith, [I]forgiveness[/I] and trust myself to move forward with understanding that I have learned much these past six months. Have I? I hope so. I do know that I cannot enable my children. Have I swung too far to protect my heart? Possibly. To find an in between, where I can love my two, but also be careful that I do not get sucked into the drama go round, knocked about and dizzied by it. Radical acceptance. True peace of heart and mind. I must remember that as storms come and go, the howling winds fell branches, uproot trees, the forrest is in disarray, but as time passes new life springs forth. From devastation comes change and growth. The strongest trees dig their roots in deeper and ready themselves for whatever may come. I will work on this Kalahou, thank you for your wise words. The past, a lesson, the present, a gift, the future unknown. No matter what, it is important that I build upon a firm foundation of faith, dig my roots deeper into it and trust in God. Though I be fearful, I love my two with all of my heart and wish the best for them. Mahalo nui Kalahou, it is a new day. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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