Guess who is getting married?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by witzend, Dec 15, 2011.

  1. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    L went to New Zealand with her boyfriend last week to meet his family. They bought a house together this fall, and she has been talking marriage. I have never heard him talk about it. The last she told me was that she had picked out a setting for an engagement ring, and he wanted to wait to buy a diamond. I'm just very superstitious, so I never say anything like "Thank goodness I have a good reliable computer", because it's bound to fry after a statement like that. I'm sure that she thought that I was cautious when I asked her if he was there and what he had said, but I was just not going to throw my caution to the wind.

    Anyway, I knew she was coming back on Sunday, and that she would be tired. I did not hear from her on Monday which was a busy day for me, so I texted her on Tuesday asking if she was back. I got the "Yes, been busy, blah blah blah" answer. So, I went to her FB page to see if there were photos of her trip. There was a photo of a great big diamond on her hand! I texted and said "You got a ring and didn't tell me?" She said "He asked me in NZ." I congratulated them and said we were very happy. I'd asked her to call m last night before I saw or mentioned the ring. But, no call.

    I'm really pretty hurt that she hasn't given me the full dish on this. We've offered to help pay for the wedding within a certain $ amount limit. Not nearly what her dad had offered in the past, but then we're not an attorney married to an RN.

    I'm sending very positive vibes to her, and hoping that we don't have to play too many games with my family because they don't like me. I've actually tried calling my parents but they didn't answer the phone. Probably screened me out. I want to tell them that this is Lauren's day, and that everyone needs to set their pride aside and not be hurtful to anyone that she loves by excluding them from activities or making them sit separately or attend separate wedding showers. It's time to bury the hatchet at least until this is over with and be adults for her sake.
  2. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I hope the family can put aside their differences for the planning and the big day for L's sake. Congrats~
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    Wow..congrats! I hope she is wonderfully happy forever after.
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Congratulations Witz! What a wonderful thing for her!
  5. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    How wonderful! And I hope everyone in the family can rise to the occasion and be a grown up for her sake, if nothing else. Sheesh.
  6. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    Sorry - but what a crappy thing to not even call and tell you. I know the history and all, but geesh! Doesn't her fiance even suggest calling her mother to give her the news??!!

    I am glad it does not seem to bother you as much as it does me - LOL! You live it and I do not.

    Congrats! I know you are happy for her.
  7. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Best wishes to the newly engaged daughter.
    It's mean that she didn't call and share with you.
    As far as family, I think people just have to be polite. They don't have to pretend to like each other. Focus on L and don't worry about your family, ex husband's attitude. Just focus on L and enjoy a daughter who is getting married. Put blinders on regarding the dysfunction. Smile, dress pretty and be polite to everyone even the one's you don't like. It works wonders when one of the combatants doesn't participate.
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    But I'm sorry she didn't tell you. WTH?
    I, too, am hoping the family can rise to the occasion. I wouldn't be on it, though.
  9. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    You know, it chafes my hide that she hasn't talked to me about actually getting engaged, but that's on her, not on me, and I can't control her. I did talk to her dad and we both know what our budget is that we plan to contribute and are comfortable with that. I made my feelings about my family very clear to him, and he agreed. We'll have to wait and see if that is something he will carry through on, but he agrees that we need to include everyone that L loves and set aside differences for a few hours. He also agreed that there shouldn't be "special gatherings" that are designed to exclude people that have a poor history with each other, and that he, L, and I need to get together after Christmas and set some rules so that no feelings will be hurt.

    I've also written a note to my mom and dad calling for a truce until the wedding is over, and hoping that if we can set our hurt feelings aside for a few months that we might be able to include each other at other times as well when it's appropriate. That's probably too much to hope for. But, I do feel that I shouldn't miss this opportunity - given that my parents are 84 perhaps our last opportunity - to try to get along with them.

    Anyhoo - husband and I are on our way to Mexico for the week of Christmas. The doggies are staying at home with their favorite dog sitter so all is safe and sound here. She loves having our big house to be in and our fancy bathtub. They love being pampered and walked regularly. And we get to get away from all of the anxiety that goes with Christmas. Win/win/win!
  10. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    Congradulations :)

  11. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Congratulations mother in law to be!! And a vacation -- it sounds wonderful!

    Weddings and new family members are blessings. Just put that thought in your heart and go forward. It sounds like you all have a bit of baggage with extended family and it could be that your daughter felt awkward and goofed up. Once she knows you are happy for her, she will relax and let you share in her joy...

  12. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Witz, I'm delighted that she has found a life partner who evidently is a good guy. Having raised a bunch of kids some times I still get completely puzzled by weird communication..not mentioning the ring would fall into that category.

    Since you haven't been formally "informed" by the couple I would suggest that you wait before sharing the news with others. Obviously there is no telling what is in her head or his. It's possible they plan to wait a year or two before tying the knot. It's possible that they plan to elope. Yikes..the world of possibilities is endless. It makes sense to figure out what your contribution could be but based on some experience I would not make any assumptions or get too excited too soon.

    Your Christmas vacation sounds terrific. Don't you all go to Cabo? Seems like I recall that from the past. Wherever you are I hope the weather is beautiful, the food is awesome and the two of you enjoy every minute. Hugs DDD