Guidance help with my 12 yr old daughter

[LostnFlorida]

I love my daughter any she is not a bad child as far as fighting or yelling at me, like I see what everyone else has here. But she lies constantly, rude and disrespectful in other ways than how everyone here says their children are. She refuses to do her homework, always lies that she doesn't have any or finished in school. Ignores everything I say to her. Is rude by ignoring people when they talk to her. Yes I am a single mother and it has always been tough. But her actions and the sneaky crap of lies and disrespect is just pushed me to the point that I actually spanked her tonight. I can't take it anymore. I hate myself because I feel like I have no choice but to deal with it or take her to foster care. It;s very hard to explain, almost like mental abuse more than anything else. I told her tonight I was done and I am taking her someplace that will find another home for her. She started crying saying she will kill herself without me and to give her another chance. I don't want to let her go, I love her with all my heart. But I can't take it. And no, I don't have insurance because I can't afford it and no the state of Florida will not help me, trust me I have tried. I just don't know what to do and I don't really want her gone. Please someone help me!

 

[BusynMember]

Hi there. I'm so sorry you had to come here, but welcome.

Can you tell us a little more about her behavior? How does s he do in school? How was she in infancy? Any psychiatric issues on either side of her DNA, father included, even if she has never seen him? Genetics can be huge. Did she have a lot of chaos and/or caregiver changes in her early years? Any abuse maybe from her father or a boyfriend of yours...any possibility? Is she sexual at all? Maybe trying drugs (my daughter started smoking pot at 12).

Has she ever been evaluated by anybody?

I don't mean to criticize you, but it probably isn't helpful to threaten to put her into foster care. There are better options.

Do you make too much money for Medicaid? Medicaid, believe it or not, is accepted at most university hospital clinics, and they are terrific resources for help. Also, there are free/sliding scale mental health clinics in almost every county in the country. Schools also can test and it's free. I'm not a big fan of school testing...I don't think it's very good...but it IS available.

You can get counseling at the clinics too and sounds like you've had a hard time and could use some validation and face time advice.

 

[Wiped Out]

Welcome Lost,
I'm glad you found our little corner of the world. My easy child/difficult child is sometimes like you describe your daughter (especially when my easy child/difficult child was in high school). She deals with a lot of depression.

In addition to the questions MidwestMom asked, I am wondering how old your daughter is?

The lying is so infuriating as is the ignoring. Sending gentle hugs your way.